LC vs. NC

[boswelc]

So, I have read many conflicting posts over the past few weeks regarding LC vs. NC. I realize it is dependent on the situation and NC is best right after a breakup. I think most of us would agree upon that. I also realize that NC helps us regain our strength, and permits a time for self growth. Furthermore, NC also allows the significant other, usually the dumper to miss you. My question is two-fold and feel free to comment with any thoughts. Assuming one enters into NC with both the intent of healing and giving the dumper space, is there a point in time when one should break NC and try for LC? I know there is no magical formula, but adhering to strictly NC diminish your chances of opening the lines of communication once again and the opportunity to reconcile? I know there is a fine line.

[LillyLooWho]

I think if the dumper really wants to reconcile, that he/she will make the communication happen. If the dumpee makes the communication happen, then he/she will always be in the one-down position. Now, just because this is a logical conclusion doesn't mean that it is easy to do. Sometimes you just need to test the waters. I have to say that even though it feels good in the moment (like breaking a diet), it makes me feel worse afterwards, and it has never led to a reconciliation. Not that I have never had the opportunity to reconcile because I have. It just happens a lot later on, after time has healed us both. Usually we start having LC about a year or so later and then sometimes my exs want to get back together. I never do though because I have moved on and am in love with my next future ex-boyfriend.

[sunnyv]

every situation is different. i think nc really allows your best chance for the dumper to miss you. i think its up to you, its how you feel when you are ready to reach back out for some lc. the ball is in your court after nc just depends when you want to take a shot.

[bwhite00]

Honestly if I were going to do full NC and not reply to an ex if she reaches out to me - I would tell her, in a mature way, that right now we can't be friends because I still want her as a girlfriend.

 

I would suggest - politely - that we take a mutual period of time where neither of us contacts the other for an indeterminate amount of time.

 

Then I'd wait 4-6 weeks and start up LC but only putting the same amount of effort to stay in touch that she is.

 

When my ex told me she needed 'space' I told her I wouldn't contact her for a month or so but I told her to feel free to reach out to me.

 

BIG MISTAKE. It made me miserable!!! So if you go NC with the intention of trying to reconcile in the future : tell them you should both take some time.

 

Because here's the deal with NC: unless you definitely don't want your ex back, if you ignore her when she tries to reach you, she will get PISSEd and probably not react well when you try to reach her later on.

 

So in a nutshell:

 

Mutual NC for an indeterminate amount of time

 

Contact her, keep LC for awhile BUT don't always be the one to call or text her first once this is re-established!

 

At some point meet up.

 

Let her contact you.

 

State exactly what you want if, based on your time together, you can sense there is a solid connection and he/she isn't dating someone.

 

If you get turned down? Hell you did the best you could - time for full NC.

 

If you're even moderately successful? Cool. But don't rush into things and let your ex dictate the pace and direction things are headed : and not the friiendzone, NEVER go there!!