I think I have a good sign or 2,but i dont know :)

[Polarbear00]

Its not really at the getting back together stage, but wasnt sure what other category it would fall into..Move if better suited elsewhere...

 

So this past weekend myself and currently off/ex girlfriend an her best friend met up to skydive(it was in the works long before the break) I’ve jumped before but their first time. Anyways there hasn’t been any communication in 2 wks and just a couple days short of a month apart…

I had a good feeling about the day either way, but had just finished my breakfast that morning when I got a txt from her, it was cute/childish kinda wakeup txt like we always did when we were together. I responded in a bit more formal way, exchanged a couple more on the way. I did like that she broke no contact for whats it worth..

The entire day went very well. There was no awkwardness the 6 hrs we were together, or when we were alone for about 30mins while her friend was going up to jump. Yes, the conversation was kept light, but we were both @ ease and no feeling of it being weird or anything…

When it was her turn to go up She told me to hug her as it may be the last time I see her(jokingly). So I obviously did and tightly. Whispered in her ear that it will be fun and not worry and that I see her in my future.. I sadly cant remember what she said, but I think it was “me too”. She loved it, which is great because it didn’t kill the atmosphere or anything I guess..

 

They came over afterwards to pick up a few more of her things @ my house. We didn’t get much alone time as her friend had come in to help carry a few things out. After about 10 mins and about done she wasn’t sure if she had left anything in,(I knew she hadn’t but wanted to get her alone) but I said well lets go look quick..

We walked in and she’s like nope guess not turned around and hugged me tightly again. The embrace wasn’t held forever but it wasn’t quick, there was something to it, you know? So anyways I asked how’d she been feeling/doing and she said that she was starting to feel better which made me smile and I said “ I realize in the end its your decision, but I just want you to know that I cant help but continue to have this vibe/feeling that we are going to be alright down the rd/in the future… (this wasn’t quite what I wanted to say or at least how I wanted to worded it, but I only had about 5 secs of walk-in time to put it all together)

Anyways, she smiled and said ok and I know. We then started to walk back out and she said to call or txt her and have dinner sometime soon, to which I calmly replied ok!!! I was surprised and didn’t see that coming but made me happy on the inside. As we walked into my garage I mentioned that I just didn’t want us to become strangers to each other & she responded “don’t worry we wont..”

She then also asked to borrow my little camping grill for a couple days to which I had no issue with...

 

Quick oddity? As we were walking back out at the end, I asked if she wanted to take her slippers with her ( I bought them for her back when I bought the house about 4 months) They arent anything fancy at all 10-12 bucks from a store but comfy! Anyways she thought about it for few seconds and said no that she wanted to leave them here…?? This is the 2nd time, I brought them w/me the night she initially broke it off and I’d brought most of her clothes to her.. She told me then that they need to stay at the house as those are her “my house” slippers…I know there’s nothing really to read into this and that yes its petty but ?

She txted me abit after they left telling me how she thought she was done w/the adrenaline rushes for the day, but that a guy had just crashed his bike right in front of them. No meaning behind it, but I felt good(horrible to say I know given circumstances) that she chose me to txt about it none the less. Maybe just because it was on the route we took back and forth to each other..

 

I guess out of all this jibber jabber, is the ball kinda in my court now?? I mean she asked me to contact her for dinner(which seems like a good sign to me!?) but it slightly has to revolve around my work schedule(which I hate but shes always been incredibly accommodating of it)… My work is busier this time of yr and im on shifts, one week isearly morning-mid afternoon, the next mid pm to very late night… I don’t think I want to leave communication for too long now again do I thats it been kinda re-established? Or leave the dinner idea hanging, I was thinking maybe early next week for the dinner, but thought about txting her tomorrow about something....

[Polarbear00]

Nothing?? hmmm very well i guess

[sadchick83]

Hi Polarbear,

I think she is definetely trying to cling-on to something. I think borrowing the BBQ is more telling than the slippers, and maybe even the dinner request. Really, if she wanted to borrow a BBQ, I'm sure there are any number of people who could have offered her this item. Personally, if I wanted to avoid someone, I would rather just purchase the item!! And, now she HAS to also return it. Is she going camping? Maybe she will have some stories to tell you...or displaying she is moving on, doing activities with you. She is definetely setting herself up to see you in a few days.

 

I have the same issue now...he has come back 3 times for "stuff." he still has tennis rackets, golf clubs, snowboard, all winter clothing, desk containing tax returns for last few years aty my place.

 

I realize one can't move a desk easily- although he does have a truck, but when I mentioned he HAD to take the desk soon as it is huge and taking up space he got all p*issed off..

 

He also said he would call me in a "couple of days" to play a sport, it has now been 10 days.

 

Let me know what you think!!

[sadchick83]

I suggest no contact with this woman!

[BeDour]

I suggest no contact with this woman!

 

...What? NC is not the way to go in this situation. Polar, if you want this girl back; go for it man. Don't be a blubbering idiot, but take her out to dinner and start fresh like you've just met. Take things slow and show her a good time. She's giving you more green lights than I can count on my fingers, so it's up to you now.

[sadchick83]

You can do no contact in a nice way, like write her a note saying you agree with the break up, then apply no contact. If you keep going back for more, how do you know she is not just weening herself off you.

 

Make her miss you!

 

I disagree with BeDour....she moved her things out of your place. If she wanted to reconcile, she would have done it there and then. Rewarding her with a dinner right away will have you in this same situation a few months from now.

[Polarbear00]

You can do no contact in a nice way, like write her a note saying you agree with the break up, then apply no contact. If you keep going back for more, how do you know she is not just weening herself off you.

 

Make her miss you!

 

I disagree with BeDour....she moved her things out of your place. If she wanted to reconcile, she would have done it there and then. Rewarding her with a dinner right away will have you in this same situation a few months from now.

 

I appreciate and can see the pts in your response... We have been broken up for a month and been on nc til that pt(last weekend) Majority of her stuff went the night she broke it up, this was just odd and ends type stuff this time around...

I get what your saying about the if she wanted to reconcile she couldve done it right there.. Thats true, however her friend was waiting on her and we all had time restraints to deal with... So it wouldve been like "you know I think I want to get back together, but I gotta go so will talk later bout it! Bye!" type of deal...Id be here scratching my head

 

On the flip side of this, she couldve just as easily completely ended and said "Im sorry you feel like that, but there is simply no future w/us. Im sry but please accept this" type of statement...

Also, she broke it off and SHE suggests dinner for nothing in particular??? I mean we are about 45 mins apart so assuming we'd meet in the middle for dinner like we did countless times in the past, now she's not only committing an hr for dinner but another 40 mins roundtrip drive time?

Sure it could be nothing, but if im completely out of it or not into something or think its worthwhile, I dont know if im giving up 2hrs of my time, you know?

 

Im not trying to persuade to my believe or being overly optimistic, but can you see where im coming from/thinking?

 

 

Side note- I did type up a 1.5 page note/letter and read it to her the night we broke up... It wasnt about the breakup, but it addressed a couple of issues that had just recently popped up(but not causes of the split) and what I/we could do to resolve them. I also put in how I am committed to her(she's been cheated on in the past) and that I know whatever it takes we could/can work through it and come out in the end a stronger US! I then actually snuck a copy in w/some of her things so she'd have her own copy...

[bish0p2004]

I agree with, Sadchick. Just because your ex is kind to you doesn't mean she wants to get back with you. You're just not a crazy ex in her eyes. Still, if she wanted to get back together, she would have done it regardless of if her friend was there or not.

 

People, when they REALLY want something and they KNOW they can get it, will go after whatever it is despite any perceived obstacles.

[polka_hats]

I disagree with BeDour....she moved her things out of your place. If she wanted to reconcile, she would have done it there and then. Rewarding her with a dinner right away will have you in this same situation a few months from now.

 

I disagree with this comment. Sometimes moving your stuff out is a necessary part of reconciling a relationship. A fresh start if you will. That's how I feel about it anyways. You guys broke up for a reason and sometimes a good shock to the system (such as moving stuff out) can help someone (either person) realize things that maybe they were blind too before.

[sadchick83]

Hi Polarbear,

I guess since the friend was there, she may have had to go. However, she is now reaching out ...

 

I guess nobody here in ENA was there with you when she moved. I mean, maybe if her friend had the car running in the driveway, she had to go without a prope rconversation.

 

I think it is weird to tell you it is ok for YOU to contact her for dinner. It's like she is making you take all the risk...she keeps herself nicely on the receiving end of things, while you have to make the uncomfortable moves. I realize she asked you, but she prepared telling you it was ok.

[Polarbear00]

Sorry I havent responded, but I thought it best for myself to take a break from these boards and after I reply I may go take another.

It got to the pt where my family kept asking me if there was any news or updates. At first it was good to talk about it, but then the continuous talking was being more negative than positive.. I quickly came to the realize the similar w/Ena. No offense to anyone or this board!!

As helpful as these boards were/are/can be I feel they can be just as detrimental(esp. when your in that emotional/shock state) as you open yourself up to so many opinions and interpretations as to what possibly may be going on in your certain situation. When in the end only yourself and the other person(s) fully know the situation and where it can go. And when your in that emotional state if your not careful, and thinking clearly this can/will send you in a tailspin as it semi did to me… Getting away from it all so to speak has really helped me this last 7-10days and in a better pt to talk again.

 

All that said, thank you all for your replies, it really is appreciated.. I prolly jumped the gun with posting in the getting back together forum, but I was just happy that day with positive reaction to everything. I don’t have much to update with. We have txted back and forth a couple times since I last posted, what I think 2 wks ago. Nothing much or serious at all. Earlier this past wk I asked about dinner but she was packing that night and leaving the next day to go camping for the labor day w-e. (guessing its why she wanted the grill)

Polka hats- That was kinda how I felt about it. She was wanting to try and regain some control over stuff. At the time she broke it off, she had just changed her anxiety meds and had also felt I was smothering (my word not hers) with wanting to spend a lot of our free time together. This combined w/a couple of her family dilemas at the time, she even told me she felt like she had no control over anything at the moment. So this seemed like a viable feeling to me as well..

Sadchick- Her friend was waiting in the driveway near her car to leave, but not running. They had a 45 min drive back and both had grad parties to attend and I had to be to work shortly( I think)… Yea it could’ve been hashed out then, but I just don’t think it would’ve been the right anything. Just the two of us, with our complete and undivided attn on the situation.

Honestly, I continue to feel truly deep down we are going to be ok and its meant, which has been my feeling essentially all along. Im realizing that this time can be beneficial to us and to not try and push to hard and just take it one piece at a time…