Ex-gf just called

[matchboxman]

We share a cell phone plan (I know, not the greatest idea) and she just called to tell me she mailed out her check to me today. Been a week of N/C and 2 weeks since we split and I think I held up pretty good. She called me, we talked about small things (she just started a new job today) and her 4 year-old nephew (who absolutely ADORES me and likewise) was there and wanted to say hi. She told me to have a good night but I made sure I said bye and hung up first.

 

I know, it was nothing big but it was nice to hear her voice and and have her call me first. She sounded tired and run down with all the stuff that's been going on with us and work (she works two jobs to put herself through college since her parents can't do much). I feel bad because I know she could probably use someone right now and I wish that was me.

 

She's set on seeing what else is out there at school and it's only June so she's not going to come back yet and I know that. Just wish she would have waited until closer to school started if she was going to "find herself".

[spun25]

how did you two breakup? was is her or you?

i guess the NC was good for you, but you're honestly back at square one now. what do you want out of this? do you want her back? or do you want to move on? that's the point of NC. either you can move on and start feeling better about yourself knowing that there are many things out there for you, or you can make her feel that she really does need you to the point where she calls you and says that it's because her nephew misses you.

i'm not trying to put false hope in your head. but come on...she obviously wants to contact you. and that means that she's still thinking about you, maybe as a friend or maybe more, i don't know.

 

let me know the whole story. i'll give you mine later.

 

-Spun25

[spun25]

dude, i don't know about that. i mean, if i loved someone, i wouldn't think to say that i want to see what else is out there. it seems that she's using you as a backup right now. in that if she doesn't find what she's looking for, then she'll settle for you. man, that has got to be one of the crappiest things someone can do to another. i mean, she basically is saying that "i love you, but i have to make sure i do, so i'm gonna date other guys now to see if our love is real". come on...

i think you're right in saying that you want to go out and see what else is out there. but it's one thing to leave the door open on your relationship with her. but it's another thing to be waiting eagerly by the door.

 

i'm pretty sure that you'll need to initiate no contact and get over her. then, once you're both over each other and have dated other people and still want to be together. then i guess it WAS meant to be. but i would be reluctant to get back together with someone who left me to see what else is out there. i don't care how inexperienced she is. i just wouldn't get back with her.

 

i know these words may sound harsh. i'm sorry if you're offended by them. but this is the honest truth. and the truth hurts sometimes. i would just let her go and don't think about a future with her. cause like you said, if it happens, then it was meant to be. but if it doesn't, you'll have already moved on and bettered yourself.

 

-spun25

[cbfan]

spun maybe right but there's a good chance he's wrong.

 

You know that she doesn't love you if she leaves you for this reason, but that doesn't mean she wont "find herself". Search the forums. you have NO IDEA how often this happens. Did she date a lot before you? Did she have a lot of long term relationshiops.

 

One that comes to mind is an older man and a younger woman. He started dating her when she was really young. She left the older guy because she wanted to experience other things. The guy let her go and said, you'll be back, it's really not all that great out there.

 

Sure enough she was the one in these forums saying. "He was right. I left him because I wanted to enjoy my college life, but the grass wasn't greener on the other side." The point is that as long as you acknowldege that she doesn't really love you all the way. This may be very good for her when she meets all the other jerks.

 

But I do suggest NC. Don't be her friend when she's doing this. Be nice, but let her realize that the cruel dating world is full of losers and then shell come running back.

 

So i stress again: you MUST earn respect from her, distance yourself You can date now too. Do you konw what the dating world is like? Maybe you need to grow some too. Work on yourself and who knows you may not even want her back in the end. I don't know.

 

You should keep what spun said in mind but don't worry too much. I take all "I know it sounds harsh" posts with a grain of salt. When you read them enough you see that the posters usually don't see the other side in the same way that those blinded by hope don't see the other side. Don't delude yourself make sure you understand that she may be playing you. But just because she wanted to make sure she's making the right choice with you doesn't mean that she's playing you.

[spun25]

well, CBfan. i understand what you're saying. and i think that both you and I are right in a sense. she may be honestly wanting to experience all that life has to offer; kind of like sewing your oats in a way. she may be doing that and i pretty much guarantee that she won't find what she's looking for and may come back to Matchbox. but i don't want to give anyone false hope. all i'm saying is that this is the time for Matchbox to better himself. i think that every healthy relationship needs time apart. people can't just stay together and be with each other day in and day out. some people need room to breathe. and Matchbox, this is the reason that your girl wanted out for now. but this does not mean that your relationship with her is completely over. i agree with CBfan in this case. but if you're definitely willing to take her back after she already left you due to her inexperience at this; then by all means, you're a better man than i am. cause i wouldn't. but you need to just think about yourself right now. it's kind of shady in a way, but you need to make her realize that your life is going on too. and you're having fun and being the person you were when she first decided to be with you. she may then realize that you ARE the person she should be with.

 

you may not agree with me; hell, most people may not agree with me. but that's how it goes.

 

-Spun25