Seeking advice...

[cb16_81]

Hello there,

 

Whilst i am a first time poster, i have been reading the forums regularly since my split and they have been a great help to me, so thanks to anyone who has given advice here. I'm now at a point where I just dont know what to do, so I thought i'd seek some advice....

 

Background of my situation: Girlfriend of 4 1/2 years split up with me totally out of the blue, saying she wanted to be single and she didnt feel 'the same' anymore. We had just had an argument where i was asking her where she had been the previous night as she had stayed out all night and not came home. I was annoyed that she hadnt bothered to let me know, but then when she told me what had happened, i sensed she was hiding something and asked more questions which i know she lied about. During the argument she said she was moving out.

 

We shared a house (which is owned by me) and she moved out to live at a friends. After 4 days she was texting me saying she loved me and she had made a mistake, but i was still annoyed with her and said that she should take some time to think about what she really wants ( i was away working for 2 weeks and said we should talk when i got back).

 

When i returned from work, i asked if she wanted to talk but she said she had made a decision and that she wanted to be single and live a single life, she doesnt feel the same about the relationship. I found this hard to take, we had just booked 2 holidays together the month before, there were no signals, and she told me she loved me all the time. She told me i was the best boyfriend anyone could have and she wishes she could have met me in 5 years time when she was ready to settle down. She said she was 50/50 about us being together but felt she had to make this choice or else she'd regret it.

 

Over the next few weeks i tried to win her back and convince her. She always picked up the phone and was nice to me but ultimately, she was sticking by her decision. I asked if there was anyone else involved and she said definitely no, but she had kissed someone a few times, as thats what you do when you are single..

 

I let her be and tried to move on but then kept seeing her out and asking her to come back, i was in a mess, desperate and totally heartbroken. I found this website which gave great comfort knowing there were other people feeling the same things but getting through it.

 

I seen the no contact advice and thought that was my best option in helping me move on. I started this 12 days ago, it has been hard going as i always see her out and about as we drink in the same places. The first time i didnt speak to her at a party, i didnt go out of my way to do this, our paths just never crossed. I then seen her again last night when we were both waiting in a takeaway restaurant!! I asked her how she was and never mentioned getting back together, she was pleasant and asked questions back, before i wished her well and left.

 

The thing is, i cant get her out of my mind, i'm desperate to contact her though i know its of no use and i need to give her space. Its been almost 11 weeks since we split and im still gutted. Ive been on dates and been out with friends and enjoyed myself but that feeling is always there nagging at me. I know i want her back, when i saw her last night i was staggered by how beautiful she looked.

 

Reading all the advice here has taught me to leave her to come back by her own devices, and not act like the desperado that i am! i think i have done that each time i have seen her since no contact.

But she is going away on a girls party holiday next week. I realise she is single and going to do all the single things you do whilst away, but after seeing her and acting like i didnt really care, i was thinking i should text here before she goes saying have a nice time and if she wants to talk when she gets back, then im up for it? Or should i say nothing before she goes away, let her think im moving on, let her have a think over her holiday and then when she gets back text her asking how it went? Or just not text at all?? I think the last option is probably best, but it would kill me to think there was something i could have done to get her back but never...

 

Anyway, sorry for the rambling post, it just sort of came out!! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated, i dont want to make the wrong decision and lose her forever or waste all the hard work of NC and me moving on. Thanks...

[faithful14]

My opinion is that you don't say anything to her and let her be. She knows how you feel and that you want to get back with her so you have done what you could. The decision to get back together is now up to her. If you keep hounding her and try to convince her to get back, it will only turn her off.

 

Your best bet is to just do your best to move on. I know it's hard and feels impossible, but it really is the best. Go out and live your life- party with your friends, go on dates, take up new hobbies, hit the gym- let her see what a fun and interesting person she is missing out on.

 

In the end, there's going to be a few outcomes to this situation

 

A. She sees how much you have grown and changed, see this fun interesting person and wants to try and get back together.

B. You move on and find someone great, who will appreciate you and love you for who you are- now you don't want her back.

C. You move on, find someone else, and then she comes back and it's too late.

 

Once you have moved on, you won't be in this painful situation. If she changes her mind and comes back, then great. If you find someone better in the process, then that's great too. Either way, moving on will help you find happiness-whether it's with her or someone else.

[cb16_81]

Thanks faithful, I know thats the best option. Thanks for your advice, i hope i can stick to it..