How long is TOO long?

[tiredofld]

Hello everyone! This is my first posting so I hope I do this right.

 

I have been dating a lady for six years now. We met in Ohio where she worked as a salesperson for the same company that I work for. She lives in Denver and I live in Cincinnati. A year after we met I moved to Denver and we lived together for three years. In 2002 my company moved me back to Cincinnati. I ask her to move with me and she refused. She does not want to live anywhere but Colorado. Not that I can blame her. its a great state.

 

I have asked her to marry me which she refuses because I live in Cinci. I have asked her to move in with me for two years and then we can move back to Denver and she refuses. She tells me the only way we can ever be together again is if I move back. She knows that I do not want to be alone and would like to get married. We still see each other a couple of times a month. I have a great job with a fortune 100 company and have worked for them for 21 years. We are both comfortable financally but this flying out to see each other does get exspensive.

 

It seems like it's all on her terms.....Has it gone on too long???

[RayKay]

Wow, that is a long time to be in a long distance relationship! I know some people do it for years, but it can be very very hard.

 

I am going to say that you have some big decisions to make:

 

1) You look for a position in Colorado - but then is that really fair to you? Would you resent her for that?

 

2) You leave the relationship...which I know can be very tough, but if you feel that you cannot do this forever maybe you feel you need to even if you don't want to. It could also make her realize her true feelings for you and it does not mean it has to be over forever. Don't get me wrong, if you are happy together than you should work things out, but it sounds like she is pretty stubborn?

 

3) You let it carry on as it has been

 

Other than the fact that it is a great state, has she ever expressed WHY she seems so unwilling to compromise even for a couple years? That would be an adventure after all! Perhaps she likes the way it is right now, and perhaps she knows she has some control? Are there too many ties for her in Colorado she feels she cannot leave for a couple years? I am just curious as it seemed you were willing to find a solution, but she is unbending in her resolve to stay. A relationship is a partnership, and a LDR requires a great amount of communication and compromise....that means for her too!

 

Whatever you do....follow your inner guidance, your heart. If you listen closely, it will help you make a decision.

[OceanEyes]

Well, she's being honest and standing her ground, but it also doesn't seem like she's being quite fair to you. She has to compromise and try to meet you half-way. She's basically saying, "This is who I am and what I want. Deal with it.". That can work for the time being if you really love her, but what will you have left when you need something to call your own?

 

It seems like you have a good thing going right now, living and working where you are. And to be honest with you, I think long-distance can go on for too long, and you're approaching the point where it's unacceptable. Of course you want to wait for her and even marry her, but after this long you're still not finding a way to be together, it's time to ask yourself how much more you're going to take.

 

She's being stubborn and set in her ways. The bottom line is, you're not going to be with her unless you move back to Colorado. Is she worth it? And if you did move, can you see yourself being happy, knowing that the move was a result of her ultimatum? I think after a while you would resent the fact that she was so inflexible.

 

It's understandable that you love her, and are obviously considering the move. But think of yourself too. She's not the only person in the relationship, and if she's not willing to compromise with some sacrafices of her own, that will start to show up everywhere in your relationship.