Need some advice

[GTP]

ok, so my Ex and I were together for about a year. We were in a LDR (Mexico City/Colorado). We used to see each other like every month to 2 months for a weeks time. We broke up in Nov 09 but still visited and talked all the time just as if we were together. We got in a big argument in Jan 10 which led to 2 month NC. Since the 2 months NC we just happened to be in San Diego at the same time and I wrote her to see if she wanted to meet up.

 

When we got to San Diego all of our past issues were gone. We were back to having a lot of fun, no past getting brought up, etc It was like a whole new relationship. She told me she didn't realize how much she loved me until she seen me again and how she didn't want to lose me. She was still going to be in San Diego the following weekend so her and her family asked if I would come again so I did. We had another amazing time together. We kept in fun contact and things were great but yet were not back together. 3 weeks later she had to go to San Diego again for her family and asked if I would come meet her. We were having an amazing time until one of our past issues came up and ruined everything. She was not the same towards me at all.

 

We had already had a trip planned another 3 weeks out for me to visit her in Mexico City. I was there for 11 days and she was cold to me the entire time. I think I pressured when I shouldn't have and it just pushed her away more. We had a good time but were having arguments too. 2 weeks after I get back she called me on my birthday to wish me Happy Bday. At this time she was just moving to San Jose to start a new job and had just gotten a US Cell phone. She invited me to come with her to San Jose but I had friends coming in from out of town so I didn't go. When she got her US cell phone she texted me so I had her number and I have never responded. It's been 1 month today.

 

She told her friend who I talk to and hang out with a decent amount to tell me Hi. I told her friend that she knows my number and she can call me if she wants to say hi. I've been getting the urge to call her because she is really stubborn and wouldn't call. Most hard headed girl I've ever met! Her friend said she hasn't called because I never responded to her text which was a mass text anyways. Should I call or wait it out?

 

Need help with taking the right steps cuz I know she still has feelings for me.

[odile]

You still live in Colorado, and she is now in California (is that correct?)

If you're not even in regular contact, then I'm not sure what it is you're asking.

 

It sounds like maybe you each care about the other, but that you don't communicate particularly well, and

that the geographical distance has been and will continue to be an issue in terms of actually trying to pursue a more serious involvement.

 

The polite thing to do would have been to drop a quick "Thanks" for her text, if nothing else,

but since a month has passed, it may seem a bit awkward now.

 

Anyway, My advice would be to drop her an email, and ask her how she is doing.

Let her know that you received her new number, and that as always, she can feel free call you if she pleases.

 

Keep the contact light and friendly, and take it from there.

Honestly, unless you both have the desire and commitment to actively work through your problems as a couple (and it doesn't sound like you do),

then it just doesn't sound like either of you should be pushing for anything more serious than friendship right now.

[GTP]

Yeah right now we have not been in contact 1 month today. Whenever I've tried communicating with her she feels like I'm pressuring her so this time around I need to let things take their course. When I was letting things take their course before things were going great until we stopped.

 

The main reason we broke up is because she didn't feel the spark anymore due to the distance. The distance isn't as big of a player anymore since its trips we can take with each other pretty much every weekend since the trips are so short distance in flight and cheap. She doesn't feel the spark because you can only talk so much and you need to have that time with the person. When we were together things are great, it was just the time apart that killed us.

 

So you think I should give it more time before contacting her? You think I should email rather than text?

[Esteller]

well she got your message from a friend. if she really was concerned or cared about you naturally i would think wouldnt she just call me? but you know her more then i do. if you text her text her to call you. lol

[odile]

Geographical distance alone can't put out a flame in two months.

If the flame was healthy and present for both of you, you wouldn't be asking me if a text was sufficient.

You'd be sending her an email, just because you are interested to see how she's settling in in her new town, or if nothing else, just to say "Hello".

(Out of curiosity, when things were better in the relationship, did you two even communicate regularly between visits?)

It may not reignite any fires, but a thoughtful and friendly email will be far better received than a paltry text message after no contact for a whole month.

 

To me it sounds like if you care about having her as a part of your life in any capacity, you need to start put more effort into the friendship.

It might not help to hear it now, but if you'd done that before (built a solid friendship, and communicated regularly),

there's a chance that physical distance would not have been such a problem spark-wise.

 

Even then, though you would still have had the torture of living farther apart than you might like,

and that can be tough on even the strongest relationships.

 

Anyway, based on where you are now, it sounds like she has really cooled off, and like maybe it's for the best that she has.

That doesn't mean that you should just drop her from your life, though.

So go ahead, and send her a message.

See how she responds, and take things from there.

[GTP]

well she got your message from a friend. if she really was concerned or cared about you naturally i would think wouldnt she just call me? but you know her more then i do. if you text her text her to call you. lol

 

I have no idea whether she got the message or not. Like I said she is the most stubborn person I've ever met. If someone doesn't want to talk to her she will not make the effort either. Think I should call or just wait to see if she contacts me? Or is email the better route? She is addicted to her computer so which ever way I go I know she will get it.

[odile]

The last contact that you had was initiated by her-- she sent you the text message, correct?

And you never responded, is that right?

 

So, now it's your turn to initiate contact.

 

Simple texting is good for supplementary contact, but

not substantial enough to be considered a form of primary contact (much less the sole form of contact!)

with anyone that you really care about.

 

You both sound so stubborn, that while initially I was going to assume the relationship was done and dusted,

who knows... maybe you two are cut out for each other (LOL)!

 

Seriously, though, try to be a friend here, and don't push for anything more until or unless

you can both treat each other the way that good friends treat each other:

with consideration for the other person.

[GTP]

Thank you for your response and advice. We both used to live in colorado and had a minor flame right before she left aug 08. We stayed in contact and ended up enjoying talking to each other so much there were days she we talked in a combination of ways up to 16hrs in a day! Crazy I know! The conversation never got old. I went to visit her in february 09 and we knew we had to be together. While we were together we talked everyday but for some reason the conversation wasn't like it used to be after like 3 months but always had a great tome together.

 

Just for the record, she is the first girl I've actually loved. I've been in almost a 2 yr relationship and the feeling I get with her was nothing compared to my last one. Id like to say I could have her in my life as a friend but I don't think that's possible for a long long time as even the thought of her with anyone else makes me naughtious. Living from a distance doesn't always have to be like that. She's not a citizen of the US but is working with a work visa. I can do my job from anywhere so that's not a problem and travel costs are nothing for me to visit at least 2-3 times a month on weekends.

 

I just wonder if she will be wanting me to come see her...she invited me the weekend of june 17 to come with her to move but I couldn't go. I would have loved too but I also wonder if this is enough time apart to not make her want to be distant from me. Its obvious she has been thinking about me cuz she used her friends fb to check out mine, she told her to tell me hi, and was asking her all kinds of friends how I was doing and hope I was good. She's had conversations with multiple people that we are friends with checking on how I am and what I have been up to. I went to her fb and seen she was already hanging out with a few guys but it looks to be nothing more than friends she met but you can only tell so much from pics and posts

[GTP]

Well just to give you all an update I sent her an email. Was just being the fun, joking person I always have been. Real up beat and excited for life which is what she always said she liked about me. I never said how I feel...that I miss her....or any of that mushy stuff. I told her to call me and we'll catch up! We'll see if she calls or responds by email. Wish me luck! =)

[wai]

Your ex gf sounds a lot like my ex bf. He's also very stubborn. lol... and We were in LDR. I also didn't respond to his last text message. At first I felt guilty but then I thought if he doesn't love me enough to put an effort, there's no point in getting back together. He ended our a year and half relationship 2 months and a week ago. I feel much better now than then. I don't even feel like checking his Facebook and wanting to know what's going on with him eventough I know his Facebook password.

 

Anyways, good luck. I hope you get the love of your life back.

[GTP]

Well I just found out some horrible news! My ex is going to San Diego with her Ex who broke her heart. She was willing to do anything she could to stay in Denver until he broke up with her. She went a little crazy I think after that happened but can't say for sure. He broke up with her back in Feb 2008. She told me she loved me more than anyone ever including him but something in my gut says that may not be true. It is going to be her, her girl-friend and her ex. Now what do I do? Obviously it could be nothing or it could be something. She says she could never be with someone like that again because he drank like crazy and wants someone better than him because she deserves better. There will always be those deep feelings though. She told me once she moved they were going to hang out because he was moving to San Diego and she is there for a wedding. What do I do?

 

Oh and she is online so I know she read my email.

[GTP]

Need some guidance please! =) Haven't got a response yet from her and don't know if meeting up with her EX there is just friendly but I think there are some deep feelings that may or may not come out

[GTP]

TTT

 

Need some advice please! =)