Boyfriend can't make me come!

[Skippinbreaks]

Hi everyone

 

I stumbled accross this site and thought someone might be able to give me some advice. I've been with my boyfriend for just under a year and have been sexually active for about 6 months (lost my virginity to him). At first, sex was difficult and painful for me, but it's much more comfortable now and I do enjoy it. I love the intimacy and emotional connection I get with him during love making. However, as much as we have tried, I just can't orgasm with him. I can myself through masturbation, but it just doesn't seem to happen with him. I don't even feel myself getting close. He really wants me to orgasm and I want to so much too.

 

I know it's normal for women to have difficulty orgasming when they first become sexually active, but we have sex on a regular basis and I guess I feel it's about time it started doing something more for me than just emotional feelings. Any tips?

[CBG]

When you masturbate are you penetrating or stimulating the clit? If it's the latter, get a small vibe and when you two are having sex, use the vibe on yourself.

[lostnscared]

I've been able to orgasm from penetration. Though I've come close plenty of times. I can only orgasm from masturbation.

 

I've realized that me not being able to orgasm, has a lot to do with me, I'm just not comfortable enough to "get there", and I don't think I've overcome that "mental block" and just relaxed.

 

I'll be interested to see what other people tell you.

[preciousgirl82]

This is very common and many women experience this problem even after having sex with their partner for years. Probably, one of two things is the problem: 1. Your head isnt totally into it when you two are together or 2. You guys need to try different techniques and positions. If its the latter, he needs to explore your body more to learn how youreceive the most pleasure. Try masturbating in front of him and show him exactly how to touch you. Also, try different angles during sex, preferably ones that allow him to hit your "g-spot". Try the girl-on-top position, this way you are in control and it allows more opportunity for clitoral stimulation. Good luck!!

[-Sanguine-]

I'm in the same position as you. I lost my virginity to my boyfriend around 9 months ago and he hasn't been able to make me orgasm. I can do it myself through masturbation. I think I've just come to terms with it, though. I still enjoy the sex we have even though I'm not able to orgasm.

[lostnscared]

I've been sexually active since I was 17. I'm 23 now. I've never been able to orgasm from penetration. When I was 17 I stopped it a few times, because I felt myself getting ready to pee. Only to later on realize that I was coming close to the orgasm. I was never able to "go there" again. Rubbing my clit during sex is difficult because it requires too much conscious effort for me. I have ADD and I can barely focus on it as on sex, my mind is often jumbled and often unfocused when I'm having sex--often preoccupied with worries, etc. I've realized that this is a large reason.

Also, I had an abortion three years ago, and due to emotional and mental reasons, I just can't find sex as awesome as it used to be.

 

I was told by friends(who have been abled to orgasm) that it takes year and years to get there.

 

I'm a little jealous that I can't.

[Skippinbreaks]

I often find that when he stimulates my g spot (usually when im on top) i find it uncomfortable and have to stop. He says I should keep going with the feeling as this will lead to orgasm but I really can't handle my g spot being stimulated! It doesn't really hurt, it just feels uncomfortable. Is it supposed to be that way? Do you think if I continued with it it would become more pleasurable?

[lostnscared]

I often find that when he stimulates my g spot (usually when im on top) i find it uncomfortable and have to stop. He says I should keep going with the feeling as this will lead to orgasm but I really can't handle my g spot being stimulated! It doesn't really hurt, it just feels uncomfortable. Is it supposed to be that way? Do you think if I continued with it it would become more pleasurable?

 

It feels uncomfortable for me as well.

 

I've actually continued it, and it didn't get more pleasurable for me, the uncomfortable feeling just continued.

[-Sanguine-]

I often find that when he stimulates my g spot (usually when im on top) i find it uncomfortable and have to stop. He says I should keep going with the feeling as this will lead to orgasm but I really can't handle my g spot being stimulated! It doesn't really hurt, it just feels uncomfortable. Is it supposed to be that way? Do you think if I continued with it it would become more pleasurable?

 

Sometimes it feels a bit uncomfortable for me as well, to have my g-spot stimulated, but I think it all depends on the position. Is it only uncomfortable for you when you're on top?

[ibu]

This happens to a lot of women, myself included.

 

I have always been able to orgasm easily from masturbation (and oral sex), but when I started having penetration sex, I could not.

For me it really has to do with how much stimulation my clitoris gets. With masturbation, it's direct stimulation, with penetration sex...not so much.

 

Over time I have found that I can ONLY orgasm from the missionary position. All other positions are amazing, and feel nice, and are hot, but they won't make me orgasm.

So I'd say keep trying to change positions...who knows you might find one that feels really amazing and that enables you to orgasm.

Or, you could ask your boyfriend to finish you off with oral sex or fingering if you're both up to that.

[ljoy74]

I've been sexually active for 4 years, 2 of those years in a long term relationship. It was literally 6 days ago that my current boyfriend (together about 8 months) made me orgasm. I wasn't planning on having sex with him that night, his brother had quite a bit of company and I had to work extra early in the AM but being curled up next to him so close once we kissed goodnight it was just on. I wanted him and it worked like a charm!

So maybe you're like me? You can have sex any time but you need to be mentally AND physically into it (I can participate very well and still not be that turned on by it all) to orgasm from it. I'd long gotten over the fact that I "couldn't finish" and just let myself be comfortable with my boyfriend. We stopped trying for it and it happened. So my best advice is just to leave it alone and it could happen. That's definitely not the desired method but it's possible!

[Lady Rashomon]

Couldn't agree more with this post. It was only two years into my relationship with the husband that I was able to orgasm with him. It was a combination of learning to relax into the moment more, allowing myself to be more "selfish" about getting mine (normally, if he finished first, I'd just let it slide), and being comfortable with the fact that my arousal time is a lot more protracted than his. I think the frustration I felt about NOT being able to orgasm is what made it so difficult for me, in retrospect. I was very hard on myself, thought I wasn't normal, etc.

 

That was close to nine years ago. I'm 30 now and whether it's with sex or masturbation, I can orgasm very very easily.

[Kenzie76]

I went nearly 14 YEARS and never orgasmed with my Ex. I short changed myself in so many ways, I was more concerned in getting him off. But could orgasm alone.

 

With my boyfriend now I decided right from the start, I knew I could make him orgasm, so the focus was showing him how I can orgasm...he loved it!

 

As part of the foreplay, I took his hand and actually masturbated with his hand...I was doing all the movements but it was his touch and I was getting myself off, he was in heaven, he found it hot and by the time I couldn't concentrate enough to move his hands myself, he'd got the idea and knew what I liked.

 

Now he feels like a king because he can make me orgasm so quick and doesn't even realise its because I showed him!

 

But mentally you have to be able to let go, or it just won't happen.

 

Relax, it will turn him on sooooo much.

[Lady Rashomon]

Wow. Did he know that you weren't orgasming with him? Did he care? When my husband and I met, both of us were pretty young and inexperienced, and I have to admit that he wasn't the most generous lover in the world. When he realized that sex just wasn't as enjoyable to me, he made my orgasms his priority. Of course that means you have to talk about it, which isn't exactly the easiest conversation to have.

[Kenzie76]

Wow. Did he know that you weren't orgasming with him? Did he care? When my husband and I met, both of us were pretty young and inexperienced, and I have to admit that he wasn't the most generous lover in the world. When he realized that sex just wasn't as enjoyable to me, he made my orgasms his priority. Of course that means you have to talk about it, which isn't exactly the easiest conversation to have.

 

 

I was pretty inexperienced when I met him, but dedicated most of my time learning what turned him on and the right way to do things to guys, I was too focussed on getting him turned on and didn't really KNOW what I liked at the time, but the sex was always good...I just didn't know how much better it could have been.

 

Things with my new guy are so different, I put my needs first as in showing him what I do and don't like and he loved that, he knew I wanted him to please me and he's such a willing partner. I can pretty much say I've found my Mr Right in every way.

[Staple]

The solution for this is to masturbate while he has sex with you...