Worried and Lonely

[Kenzie76]

Hey Everyone.

My boyfriend is deployed in Afghanistan at the moment and I am really struggling right now.

 

He's more than halfway through the tour but it is obviously taking its toll on him. The amount of deaths and casualties is rising (obviously we only hear about the fatalities) and when we speak I can tell he is down.

 

Although he tries to reassure me that speaking to me helps, its hard trying to keep his spirits up when I myself am worried sick. I feel guilty when I am being 'strong' for him and feel guilty if at times my emotions take over and show him how worried and upset I am. Its one of the most stressful times of my life- and is clearly very stressful for him and his team.

 

I am so proud of him and what he is doing out there and tell him often, although he see's very little reason to be proud when he see's what happens there on a daily basis.

 

I don't know whether I expect help or just needed to vent. I am a member of a support group for army 'wags' but find it hard to post there as everyone is going through the same thing and don't really want to depress each other with the horrifying reality that is this war over there.

 

Thanks for reading.

[DN]

Although it is good to be strong you should not hide the fact that you are worried and concerned. It shows you care for him. The trick is to keep it in proportion and also talk about positive things such as when he comes home.

[Kenzie76]

Thanks for that. Yes, I know what you mean, I know he knows I care for him deeply, its just sometimes I worry that we're making it harder for each other!

 

The last leg of the tour is always the hardest and was the last time he went out there but we were just friends then and feelings didn't run so deep.

 

Thank you for your reply x

[andi8172]

i should imagine just hearing your voice cheers him up knowing hesgot someone to come home and hug will keep his spirits up,but try not to pressure him into talking about the tour it's a different life and hell tell you when ready.hell probably want to spend alot of time with buddies so give him that space but let him know youre part of his life too people seem to forget war is hard on those left at home and youre fighting yours so you should be proud of yourself too

[Kenzie76]

i should imagine just hearing your voice cheers him up knowing hesgot someone to come home and hug will keep his spirits up,but try not to pressure him into talking about the tour it's a different life and hell tell you when ready.hell probably want to spend alot of time with buddies so give him that space but let him know youre part of his life too people seem to forget war is hard on those left at home and youre fighting yours so you should be proud of yourself too

 

Thanks for that. Thats the thing, because we've been friends for so long and I was there for him through his first tour out there he confided in me about certain OP's he'd gone on etc as he understandably didn't want to worry his Mum etc. Now we're a couple and as someone who's always been his confidante I am still the one he tells it to.

 

Sometimes I know he's in 'Army mode' and will talk very matter of factly about certain things and its obviously upsetting to hear but I know I need to be there for him. I can't tell him not to tell me, because the fact is now I know the grim reality anyway!!!.

 

We're very fortunate as in we get to be in contact quite often as this time he is there reacting to the /search/disposal of IED's and is not out on the ground everyday.

 

Thank you for your reply though