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The Bro Code


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Its a sticky situation I'm in. Hard to talk about with my friends because frankly, it involves one of them. So, there's this girl name Liz. Liz has been a friend of the group for quite a while, but I've never personally talked to her much. I met her through some of my friends. As it turns out, one of my friends has a crush on her, and had it for some time now. There is no future between him and her, she tried to "give it a go" and things were just weird.. she described it to me that it was like kissing her brother. Liz is a complete sweetheart. She's kind and while things became weird with this guy, we'll call him Ryan, Ryan and her didn't stop being friends despite Ryan's complete ability to act like an ass because he's emo and not with her.


Ryan was recently engaged and was living with his fiance. They broke it off, and while he has liked Liz for a long time, only until then did he actually try to pursue her. She just didn't have any feelings for him, plain and simple. Now here is the dillema. Liz and I have been talking a lot. I'm training to be a firefighter/paramedic and she's training to be a Registered Nurse. We both have an insane amount of things in common, and there isn't a thing about this girl that I don't love. She's got a unique quirky personality, she can make me laugh (usually its the other way around)... this girl has me cracking up all the time. The thing I love most about Liz, is that when I'm with her, she is my best friend. Everything we do, no matter what it is, its always a good time... conveniently, we also just so happen to have the urge to tear eachother's clothes off every now and then. When it comes down to it, we both feel and agree that there is a lot of chemistry between us.


When it comes down to it, my thinking is... I'm not a kid anymore. I'm not a teenager in high school, and I'm not hear to play any games with anyone, not Liz, not Ryan. It never has been my wish to hurt Ryan, but this thing just kinda happened between me and her. He doesn't really know what is even going on between me and her, but he has an idea that we are "talking". But I can't help it... this is something that goes beyond the bro-code... something I've adhered to all my life, even though I've numerously got * * * * ed over by my friends who have broken this stupid code... This is someone I feel is potentially a match for me, and may be for the rest of my life.


I'm left with this dilemma. I could try to see how things go with her, and do my best trying to remain friends with Ryan, though truthfully speaking, its just not likely that thats going to happen, even though I wish we could still be friends. The other option is that I just let things go and forget about this girl... and I feel that if I did that, it would be closing the doors to a question that I'll regret for the rest of my life, not knowing an answer too. Like tearing apart a book, before you even get to the ending... and I don't want that.


It sounds horrible, but I think that I'm going to do this... and see how things workout with me and her... despite probably losing a friend I've been friends with for a long time. The way I look at it... they never dated, they don't even have any prior history except that he had a crush on her... and was close friends with her. But this is my happiness, and an opportunity, that if I close the doors to, I may never get another chance... and may regret it for the rest of my life.


But I'd like to see what others have to say, and think in regards to this bro-code, and if what I am doing is wrong or not.

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What you are doing is NOT wrong. I was in a similar situation not too long ago. A friend of mine was the reason this girl and I met. Of course, he had a crush on her but her feelings weren't returned. We had a thing without him knowing and even after that, the guy and I are still friends to this day. What you are going to do is NOT wrong. You're right, this isn't high school anymore. You're a good guy for putting his feelings into consideration but you don't want to let go of a chance like that. If you do, you'll always be thinking "what if?" That's something that you will NEVER get the answer to unless you simply go for it. I hope that your friend does understand because it's not wrong at all. They have no history or anything so that really shouldn't matter.

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Thank you for the response. Yeah, that is what everyone outside of my circle of friends (well the guys in that circle) have been saying. Of course, the girls keep saying that if we have feelings we should go for it, and if our friendship ends, its his loss... He's just got a huge issue with enfatuation... when he has a crush, its a pretty hard one... and its especially difficult with her, because he had been close with her for a while. (like best friends-ish).


I think the choice to try things out is the best one... Either way will have negative consequences possibly... but my heart is telling me that I need to do this.

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If that's what your heart tells you to do, then you should do it. As cheesy as this sounds, I'll say it anyway. Don't listen to your mind, listen to your heart. Your mind being the guilt you feel for this friend who developed this crush on her. Your heart being your feelings for the girl.

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I don't think you're violating any of the rules by pursuing after Liz. If Ryan is a good friend than he'll be able to understand and accept that you and Liz just have more of a connection for each other than the two of them ever did. Not to mention, it's not like they've even got all that close to each other to begin with. So I think you should pursue Liz and let Ryan know that you have an interest in her.

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I say go for it. You may lose Ryan as a friend, but think of what you might gain.


My dad, from what I hear, went by to see his gf but she wasn't home so he ended up going out with my mom. They have been married many many years now, and although it probably caused a rift between my mom and her housemate -- that is how my parents met each other!

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I never really understood anyway why anyone would get mad at a friend if they like the same girl you like. Who cares who saw or liked her first, what is she property? Let her choose who she wants to be with, and if it's not you, accept that you have failed to attract her to you, not that your friend somehow cheated and stole her away from you. It seems there really isn't anything justifying getting mad about it other than jealousy. And jealousy is a vice, something that is not needed in the world.


My present girlfriend is my high school friend's ex. I never pursued her at all until well after they broke up. I haven't seen my friend for a long time since I went to college, but I don't regret the choice I made at all.

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