I do still love him, even though I should not

[k33]

So it just keeps getting better. My husband and I split on friday, I was really good about NC until yesterday. I called he called me back and it turns out that he is living in the car. And he's just drinking and sounds suicidal. I feel horrible. And I don't know what to do.

 

I know I should be tough and stuff with him, NC etc. But you know what I don't want anything to happen to him even though we aren't going to be together anymore.

 

I am thinking of letting him sleep on the couch if he doesn't drink, and getting him a ticket to go home. He's from Australia. This is why I feel responsible to him still.

 

I do still love him and care about him, even though I shouldn't. The heart doesn't work that way.

 

I'm a wreck and I have to be at work with everyone saying what's wrong. I want to curl up in a freaking ball.

 

Any ideas?

[Scout]

Any hope for you two to reconcile? Or are you pretty sure it's best that its over? Because if its the latter, I'd get him home to Australia as fast as possible. He may really need the support of his family right now.

[k33]

I always wanted to reconcile. I think it is best that it is over, even though I don't want that at all. I don't even know what the problem is. The only time we fight is when alcohol is involved. I think I am going to try to just not contact him for a bit and see what he does. I can't keep feeling like this. It's killing me.

 

He wants to stay to pay me back for all the money I spent. Which I appreciate, but I think he might be staying to try to fix stuff, or something heck I don't know. I never thought he would sleep in the car... I just hope no matter what happens with us that this is bottoming out and he gets some help.

 

Very painful stuff.

[single30]

My father died from alcoholism.

My advice? Find out if you can have him court ordered into rehab.

He does need help, he sounds sick. Not sure on what your state allows.

Good luck.

[k33]

I'm really sorry about your dad. The problem with court ordered rehab is that people who don't think they have "a problem" will not do it, or will do it for the wrong reasons. And then they will relapse I just have to sit tight and wait, and it is really really hard.

 

Thanks for the support.

k33

[lillady898]

Don't say you shouldn't love him, because it's completely understandable if you do. You love HIM, not his problems, right? His choices may not be too great, but I'm sure you have seen his awesome side taht made you marry him. I just really recommend you try to work it out.

 

Everyone can change, and if he's willing and loves you enough, and if you're willing and love him enough, you can work through anything.

[k33]

Oh I totally agree. But the key is he has to want to work it out. So far he's just saying it is over and I don't want to work on it any more. If that is truly the case I have to let him go. I completely love him enough to work through things, but I don't think he loves me enough. You know what I mean?

 

There are tons of awesome things about him, he's smart, funny, talented, gorgeous (imo), sweet, good natured, accepting, snuggly etc. etc.

 

But like I said, if I am doing all the work it will never work. I am just trying to give him space to figure out what he wants and not going after him. If he wants to be with me and work things through that door is open, if he doesn't that's his deal and I will have to move on as much as it kills me.