First date after the break-up?

[OneBrightStar]

For those who have gotten to the point where you can date again, how long after your break-up did the first date happen?

[dancingcolors]

2 months, but he was really boring. But when I look back,2 months is way too short. And he wanted to get serious right away. I didn't like him at all. Then it made me more sad about my guy, because I really loved him.

[sunday2010]

2 months, but he was really boring. But when I look back,2 months is way too short. And he wanted to get serious right away. I didn't like him at all. Then it made me more sad about my guy, because I really loved him.

 

 

 

i went dating pretty soon and even now 2 months later I'm not getting anywhere.ist depressing.They are all really horrible people and not one of them has been decent.

[dancingcolors]

It is depressing. I went on a craigslist date yesterday, and it turned out to be the husband of a woman I know, and he is the father of my daughter's really good friends, and his father in law is my teacher. How is that for depressing??????

[Hell_On_Heels]

Oh!! DancingColors, if you are in PDX and looking on Craigslist, I can tell you that my ex is on there, too. If that's the case, please PM me and I will let you know who he is so you can avoid him. Assuming you'd want to - and why wouldn't you want to? He's a self-absorbed separated emotional mess.

 

Did you reply to the guy's ad letting everyone know he is married? I sure would!

[Hell_On_Heels]

Oh, and I went on my first date after 2 months with a guy from Plenty of Fish. He was a really nice man. He makes me laugh. He calls or writes me every day, but also knows where I am emotionally. Friends - totally cool. Romance? Not feeling anything yet, for him or anyone. That's natural, I'd think.

 

Went on a date earlier tonight. Very nice young man - and I do mean young. Too young. Still, it was nice to get out and chat a bit. Met him through a meetup group.

 

Been talking to a couple of other men that have actually held my attention for more than 5 minutes. One is hilarious, and the other is a deep thinker. My profile makes it very clear that I am separated and not ready for a relationship. But hanging out is nice, especially since I don't know anyone here (yet).

[LilBear]

I didn't date again until about 7 months after the breakup. I went out with one of my ex's friends whom I also know mutually (online), but have never met up in person. We're still together and have been dating for two years now.

[Puddincup]

It took me about seven months. I had been in a three year relationship before that.

[Mustachio]

Well I tried dating fairly early, after 2-3 months. But nothing actually serious came about until 7 or so months after. Would I say I was completely healed, not at all, but it was at that point I was finally ready to really give it a chance.

 

Oh yea, that was after a nearly 7 year relationship if that makes a difference.

[LilBear]

At the 3 months point I was more opened to meeting new people but I was not over my ex yet (3 year relationship). The guys I've met were friends of friends, usually, so it wasn't a date since we're always in a group. None of them interested me much anyway.

 

So it wasn't until 7 months later that I starting dating seriously. I think it was because I knew that I wasn't going to get back with my ex, not because he didn't want to get back with me, but because I no longer wanted to be with him anymore. It was that knowledge that makes me feel I am ready for another relationship. I wasn't completely healed, but I have accepted that we are not meant to be and moved on.

[Lostheart87]

Took me a couple of months after my 6 year relationship...but even then it was just to get back out there again and remind myself HOW to date lol. Started taking it seriously just recently

 

But careful OneBrightStar...if that is actually you in that picture your smile is going to mesmerize many guys, you could be in trouble

[OneBrightStar]

Thanks guys! I was just curious, as I may be going out on a date next week (no set plans yet). It feels "early" to me but at the same time, it doesn't.

 

@LostHeart -- Thanks, lol, it is me in the picture!

[Skeptic76]

Three months for me - and it was with a woman I "should" totally dig.....but there was just nothing there. I realized that just because I can date now, doesn't mean I should/want to.

 

I'm four months out now, and have asked a few women if they would like to go out sometime and got the green light - but haven't made plans. I'm still strung out on my estranged wife. I guess it's just the guy in me that likes the hunt, and the lack of guilt and "newness" of talking with females again.

 

I bet I won't seriously start dating until I know she is.

[Lostheart87]

Congrats on getting back out there star, its tough to do but it is almost always the right thing. Chances are (like most first dates right after a break up), it might even turn out to be a 1 date and done type of thing, but you will feel a lot more confident afterwards.

 

So if you end up going on it good luck, and don't be afraid to open up again

[uncomfynumb]

Broke up 1/23/10 and went on my first date around 5/1. Went on my second date 6/9 with another guy and we are mutually smitten with each other. I like this man so much better than I did my ex, my ex is a distant memory. I care about him as a person but have no desire to even see him or talk to him and if I never speak to him again, I won't care.

[JonasWaingaro]

OBS - Sorry to hear things didn't work out. I missed your other thread. You'll know when you're ready to date again - seriously anyway. I went on a few dates after a couple of months (2 I think) and it was too soon. I had fun-ish, and it was a distraction but after the dates I felt fairly crappy. It wasn't fair for my dates or me. So don't rush into 'needing' to date. Be single. When you are happily single, and don't need to date, is when you'll make better judgments. Rushing in while still hurtin' leads directly to settling. Ya know? The first person with a smile and a little charm is very tempting but probably not the bestest choice. Anyhoo, you'll know.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Hmmmm....just thinking that maybe we should define what we mean by dating while having this discussion. If you mean (and I do) that you meet new people and try fun new things, or go to restaurants, concerts, bike rides, etc AND you do this with different people - then I think dating is a good thing. It's just to have fun. But if you mean seeing the same person repeatedly to see if you can form a relationship, I just don't think many of us are ready for that.

[marshmlofluff]

Oh, and I went on my first date after 2 months with a guy from Plenty of Fish. He was a really nice man. He makes me laugh. He calls or writes me every day, but also knows where I am emotionally. Friends - totally cool. Romance? Not feeling anything yet, for him or anyone. That's natural, I'd think.

 

Exact same. Two months, and it started out like this. I wasn't feeling anything at first, and then I got to really liking him.

 

Still together and going strong.

 

We are definitely out of the "honeymoon" phase, and have squabbled over all manner of silly (and not so silly) things. Mutual meeting of families, etc. has occurred successfully.

 

He really is as nice as he seemed at first. And he's a great guy.

[Hell_On_Heels]

Hmmmm, 'Fluff. Not sure if you're being a good example for me or a bad one, LOL

 

I saw him for lunch today, and we had a little talk. He was saying something about not feeling very comfortable with us both being on POF, and seeing each other online at POF. It doesn't bother me at all, but I guess it bothers him. I thought it was good of him to bring it up. I said that we weren't ready to be exclusive so in the meantime, I think it's ok if we talk to and meet other people.

 

And then we made a date for the state fair. So I *think* all is well. I do like him, and I could see this going somewhere, but not yet. Plus, after my last catastrophe where I rushed in, I am really enjoying going very slow. We haven't even held hands yet. Kinda sweet.

[marshmlofluff]

Hmmmm, 'Fluff. Not sure if you're being a good example for me or a bad one, LOL.

 

I generally try to be a bad one, but sometimes it doesn't work.

 

Just curious--how long have you been seeing him?

[Hell_On_Heels]

I think being a bad example is a very likeable attribute. We should get along great!

 

We met in early June, I think. But I was on the west coast for 2 weeks, and just got back last week. He writes me and/or calls every day. He's very easy on me - if that makes sense. We have a lot of similar interests and are learning each other's humor pretty fast.

My ex was very sarcastic so I was able to let loose and never worry about my jokes. With new people, I always worry I will offend them.

 

Anyway, this guy makes me feel very comfortable. I almost fell out of his truck today and didn't think anything of it. With my ex, I would've felt like a complete idiot.

 

Ok, the down side is that he and my ex have the same name. But I'm getting over it.

[ElleB]

Same name! Mmmm maybe give him a nice nickname or call him by his surname

 

It's nice to have a bit of male company and attention. It's only been 3 weeks, I'm not ready to get out there but the LACK of male attention is bothering me right now. I think everyone I know who may possibly like me are too afraid to come forward as all I tend to go on about is how I hate men and how much the break up is affecting me. I'm damaged goods right now! Ha.. Hmm...

[Hell_On_Heels]

LOL, Elle. I went the other way. I now call my ex the ex, and call the new guy by his name. Hey, I'm just separating past from present, right?

 

I think male attention is nice even if we know it won't go anywhere. Being left is devastating in so many ways, and I don't know about you, but my ego is shot! I was at a barbeque on July 4th, and 2 men told me my ex was crazy to leave me. It made me feel a lot better. I would never date either one of them, but that wasn't the point.

 

I don't hate all men because I have 2 grown sons. I just took a nice walk in the rain with my younger son (he's 21). They both hate my ex, and always did - but they never told me that. (sigh) They saw that I was happy in the beginning and they just wanted me to keep being happy. Anyway, I am so proud of who they both are that there is no way I can paint all men with the same brush.

 

But I don't blame you for feeling that way. Thank God it's not permanent!

[ElleB]

Ha, glad you sorted out the name issue

 

I don't want any male attention to go anywhere if I'm honest. For the first time since I was 16, I've had some time to myself. I've been in a relationship for that whole time, the longest time out of one being 6 weeks. That's not very good. But ah, to just have someone to text a bit or call, or flirt with...

 

All my friends, guys and girls have said he's an idiot to let me go. And that he didn't deserve me... And that I'm a catch and all these things and that he won't find better yadayada... If only he thought the same! We might not be in this pickle.

 

I am really goofy though so god help me on my next date, whenever that may be. Sigh!

[Hell_On_Heels]

Your next date will be when you're ready, and I hope he loves your goofiness You seem like a gem!

 

It really is good to have time alone. I usually spend years between relationships. This is the first time I started dating immediately afterwards (6-7 weeks). The point is, I've always loved being alone and have built wonderful friendships during those times.