Poll:Tell now or later?

[Unreasonable]

This doesn't really apply to me, I'm just asking out of curiosity because I was inspired by another thread. I guess this question is for people that have been cheated on, or people that have cheated and then confessed.

 

Your relationship is in the dumps, and you screw up. You feel horrible about it and want to make things better, because you don't want it to end. Do you confess right then, when things are bad, with a very strong possibility that the confession will lead to breakup?

 

Or do you try to repair the relationship first, get things good again, and then confess of your long past transgression when you feel the relationship is solid?

 

Or, do you never confess at all, since those days are over, possibly letting it eat away at you?

 

Does time since the transgression make a difference, better or worse? Does the current state of the relationship make a difference, better or worse?

 

Just trying to see if there is any kind of consensus on this.

[karvala]

You confess then. If you confess later, you're also going to be confessing to the fact that you also lied for a significant period of time, and may be lying at any point in the future, and for many people that will be even worse than your original transgression. You don't get to pick the optimal time for you, because it isn't just about you.

[-Sanguine-]

I'm not speaking from the perspective of someone who's cheated, but someone who has been cheated on.

 

The best chance the cheater has (with me, anyway) to make things better if they had cheated would be to come clean right away. It shows that you feel bad about what you did and are willing to make things right. If they did that, I would be willing to forgive and try to get past it. But say my SO physically cheated and I found out through some other way.. well, I'd like to think I would kick their butt to the curb.

[damagedgood]

Totally agree with Karvala here.

If you cheated on me and I did not know it and took you back and THEN when all is fine again and the worst seems over you sort of star it all over again, I'd throw you out for good.

good luck!

[faithful14]

I would confess right then when things are already bad. Just get it all out in the open and then work towards making things better. It shows you are a trustworthy person. I think if you were to do it the other way where you confess later, you are showing that you are not trustworthy.

[arcadefire]

It adds more insult to injury when s/he calculates the amount of time you hid something like this from him/her.