My parents: overprotective with me, not so with my sis?

[Captain Clutch]

I discovered recently that my parents have been more overprotective with me (now 22 yrs old) than my younger sister (17 yrs old). I'm trying to figure out what would go into that.

 

When I was very little, doctors thought I could be autistic since I didn't speak until I was 3 (they were wrong, I'm fine) and was in full-day kindergarden just to make sure I was fine (I was). By the time I was 6, this issue was dead. At the same time though, it became clear that I picked up on things extremely quickly and was towards the top of my classes.

 

Throughout elementary and middle school, If I got a B+ on a test or quiz, my parents were furious. It appeared teachers and my parents always expected an A. In high school, my parents lightened up on the academics to an extent (B+'s were ok lol). Meanwhile though, my teachers and parents discovered something else; I was doing quite well for someone who barely studied. According to teachers, I'd have been top 10% in my class if I put in my full effort (I was in the middle of top 25%). Same thing during college, where my advisor said I would have graduated with honors if I put 100% effort into my studies. My parents said the exact same thing to me. I still did well, but couldn't study for long periods of time. I had a gameplan for each class, studying material based on how my Professor would test us and what subjects the Professor harped on more than others. If I didn't do well on an assignment, I adapted quickly.

 

On a social/personal level, the overprotectiveness existed too. I've always had a curfew (got later as I got older obviously) while my friends do not. I couldn't drink until college or I'd be in big trouble. I wasn't allowed to bring any game console or a big TV to college because it would potentially distract me from the studying I actually did.

 

Enough about me - I'll stack this up against my sister. She does well in school too - in fact, a bit better than I did (in high school at least). However, my parents were never furious when she got a B or B+. If she didn't do well, my parents felt she'd learn through experience. In high school, she has done very well. Then again, she studies at least twice as much as I did, which is great for her. Where my parents have been much more lenient with her is socially. They're ok if she drinks and gets tipsy. She's had a little experience with pot, where my parents look the other way as long as it's not a trend. They say, "she's more in the social scene than you were in high school." I say that's bull - if I drank or did drugs back in high school, I'd be grounded for a long time. Her curfews are later than mine were at that age by a bit.

 

Having rambled on about all of that history, it's interesting to note the differences this has created with my sister and I. First, I drink socially and won't get too drunk, and I never plan on touching drugs or smoking...my sister drinks to get a bit drunk and has experimented with pot and has smoked a couple of times (but overall is not crazy in either department). She's more of the "work hard, party hard" persona while I am more, "work efficiently, party responsibly." The benefit for me is that my friends consider me the most responsible and trustworthy in the group. If there's a decision to make, I'm the guy they go to. I'm extremely level-headed and don't show emotion while my sister gets involved with drama and wears her emotion on her sleeve. The benefit for her is that she has been more successful with guys than I have been with girls. Finally, according to my parents, I was more naturally smart and could do well even without studying a whole lot; I also pick up on things much more quickly. My sister is quite smart and is involved in a lot of things, but does so with plenty of studying and preparation.

 

I didn't intend for the post to run this long and there is probably some fluff, but I wanted to make the points clear. Why do you feel my parents were/are more protective with me, while loosening the reigns a bit with my sister? I also noticed that I am not involved in much of the drama within my group of friends; it's like I am shielded from any trouble or serious conflicts (I'm not even made aware of them going on). I don't know if there is something to it or not.

[Dako]

I think parents go nuts raising that first perfect child to be the next president.

After that the parental paranoia seems to wane.

 

I'd suggest leaving the nest and the sibling issues behind.

[Captain Clutch]

I'd suggest leaving the nest and the sibling issues behind.

 

I actually get along great with my family and my sister. I'm ok with how things are for me at the moment. I just thought this was a topic worth noting and am interested in what others make of it.

[mdog]

I agree with Dako....in your case i would be your sister..I got away with a lot of stuff in high school compared to my sister and that means curfew. I chose not to drink/smoke in high school and my sister did both of that. My sister is your age and im 19. In college (well i went to a school 45 miles away) so i lived in the dorm= no curfew. My sister could walk in at 12:30am and my mom would freak out and ask where she has been. If that was me..my mom would have been in bed lol.

 

However, when it comes to school...I had better grades..in both college (made deans list second semester, she never made it) and high school. I'm also moving into an apartment this coming fall..my sister prob wont be leaving our parents house for awhile...

 

I think they are just harder on the first child because they dont know what to expect...and then once the first child was fine..and then when the second child comes a long..its like they have already been through that stage..and they know how to prepare for it.

 

Also dont get me wrong..I'm not saying my sister wouldnt be able to do it. I mean in highschool..she was a cheerleader and then college she worked full time and went to school..but i think it was just because my sister was the first child and my mom had no clue on what to expect when she went to her first school, highschool, college..stuff like that..

[Ivory_Tower]

Believe it or not you are the apple of you parents eye. So it is to be a firstborn child. A blessing and a curse.