Need outsiders' perspectives

[bigblue3]

OK. I'll try to keep this as short as possible. I'm confused over whether my best friend is gay or not. He and I have known each other for about 12 years now and we have always had a weird chemistry. In high school, we experimented a few times in a sexual manner but both of us insisted we were straight. The experimentation went on for about 3 years until I graduated and he had one more year of high school left.

 

About 2 weeks ago, I mustered up the balls to tell him I have feelings for him. The conversation came forth because we always usually talk about travelling to different parts of the world or living in other continents and just doing us but there's never a mention of either of us having women in our lives. So we were talking about what was going to happen in 10 years. He mentioned that he wants to have a wife and kids and yaddiyadda. I told him that I would want the same thing; but how would our friendship survive that especially because we're so dependent on each other. He brushed it off and said that we'd make it work. I figured this was about a good a time as any to say something so I told him that I have feelings for him. I started by saying "this would be alot easier if you were a chick." and he agreed with me. He went on to say something extremely perverted about what would happen if I were a chick but the bottom line is that we would be together if we were of the opposite sex. I told him that I wouldn't mind it being that way the way it is now. He understood what I meant and told me that he doesn't feel that way and that he supports any lifestyle I choose to lead. I felt stupid but I never would have said anything had I not received so many messages from him.

 

Things were kinda shaky for a week as we were both trying to pretend the conversation didn't happen and we were both focusing on trying to act as normal as possible. Last Friday we hung out again and we kinda discussed it and he said that he didn't mind about me and stuff and insisted that our friendship wasn't messed up because of it. During the course of the night, he said we're "soulmates." Not once, not twice, but a few times throughout the night he said we are "soulmates." I want to move on and not be held down like I've been for the past few years but I feel like I can't because of the things he says. For some stupid reason I give myself false hope but again for some stupid reason I feel like there genuinely is something there. PLEASE HELP!!!!

[savignon]

Hmmm....sounds like there are real feelings there on his part and at the same time, if he won't acknowledge them or isn't fully aware of himself, then there's not much you can do but wait and see what happens. Why not look elsewhere in the meantime or mention that you might start dating soon and see if it inspires him to speak up. ??

[bigblue3]

Thanks for the reply. I was dating a girl for about a month when I told him this and he tried many times to get me to stop talking to her. He would advise me that I dont need her. The night I told him about my feelings for me he admitted he was jealous of me dating that girl.

[savignon]

Well, I'm talking about dating guys....so that you're owning up to how you feel in a real way beyond words. Maybe you'll set the right example and he'll be less afraid to talk about it or do it himself.

That's just my 2 cents, of course. I have no idea if he's gay or not. It does sound like he's interested. Maybe you taking the lead by "coming out" so to speak will set the right tone for the future with you two.

[tu444]

It sounds to me like he has some attraction for you but you think he would have admitted it when you came out to him.

 

I think there's a good possibility that he's gay/bi and wont accept the fact because he wants to live a "normal" straight lifestyle. Maybe he will eventually accept it. Who knows?

[j needs help]

im just saying... WHO CARES! Gay, straight, bisexual or transgender their still your friend? let them tell you what they are instead of trying to do a bit of guess work. Accept everyone much lovee j