Is there something I don't know?

[darkcustom]

If you like stories than here you go. If you don't sorry.

 

So I think I'm an OK guy. I'm average in looks I suppose, I'm not tall but I'm not really short (5'7.5".) I'm told all the time by girls (that are in relationships) that I am such a great guy and that if they were single they would date me. Blah blah.

 

I have only had 3 girlfriends in my life. One of them turned into an engagement with the love of my life and then ended in a soul crushing disaster for me. Which emotionally scared me and makes me bitter towards the thought of love at times but deep down I know I'm still the same.

 

I have never met or dated anyone in the traditional sense of asking them out or approaching or what have you. Each of my gf have been strokes of luck and getting to know me before anything romantic was even thought of and one because she didn't even know/remember what I looked like.

 

My first gf was the best friend of one of my work friends. I had seen her come in to work a bit but never talked to her. Then a bunch of us in that friend circle went skiing in Colorado and every once in awhile we would sit next to each other since we were the only singles there. We would talk and I was fine because she was older than me and I thought out of my league because of it. She was the one who asked me out to dinner and a short hike. So I don't count that as meeting someone in a traditional male role.

 

My second was embarassing... and as much as I hate to tell it I will. I'm a dork. And I had been single for quite a bit, struggling with depression, work and school. My roommate/best friend introduced me to World of Warcraft. I know I know... If you don't know what it is WoW is an online game that you play with others and is VERY addicting. Anyways I played for a long time and was in a "guild" (a group if you will) that was casual and really just made up of friends. Well we had a web forum and we all posted pictures and there was this one girl I thought was super cute and just didn't look like the typical gamer type. But she lived on the other side of the country and I didn't think anything of it. Well one day there was a message when I logged on that said something about how she moved to Arizona, where I lived. We had talked sort of but nothing really, so I told her that I lived in AZ too and that she should bring me something to eat. Well we joked about it for awhile and then decided to meet up late one night at this restaurant. She had no idea what I looked like but I did and she wasn't thinking anything other than just meeting a friend since she had none. So we met and started to eat and our waiter was like get out we are closing here are some togo containers. So we left and finished eating in her car and talked for 5 hours (till 3 am). So she liked me and we hung out every day since then and dated, and then her roommate was suicidal so she packed everything up and stayed with me for awhile. Then I said screw it just live with me. Blah blah blah I design a custom ring for her and have it made and propose to her. We're engaged. She cheats on me (says she didn't but lived with the guy as a "roommate" a month after we broke up.)

 

So then for my third gf, lets call her T. I don't think there is enough time to write about everything we went through... I'll TRY to make it short... I met her when I was 13 (I'm 24 now). My first introduction with T was her walking up to my best friend and asking if he licked his cat. I told her he did. Then we were friendly acquaintances for 2 or 3 years. And at the end of my junior year in hs my best friend (no longer the cat licker) and I were hanging out with her and her best friend. I liked her a lot but so did my friend and being the nice guy I am i stepped aside and let him try and court her. I talked to her best friend who I liked also but it was obvious we would be much better friends then as a couple. Anyways, T didn't like my friend and told him that she didn't like him the way he did, even tho they were always with each other for a couple months now. My friend gets angry and hurt. I side with him plus summer was starting. So senior year roles around, my best friend is still butt hurt and I don't hang out or talk to T unless she comes up to me. Well we both arrive at school the same time all the time and walk to our section of the school. She would show up at the football games and sit next to me and my friend. Eventually, I saw how much this bothered my friend so I avoided her. Months pass and my friend meets a girl and leaves me alone. T's best friend also finds a boyfriend and leaves her alone. She realizes that we are in the same boat and writes me a note asking how I'm doing. So we do the whole highschool thing of passing notes to each other before school starts everyday. We go out to eat and see movies but nothing more than just friends. We go to prom together but it all was as friends. She takes me to church where I meet some of her friends and meet some great people. blah blah. She goes to montana for school I go to ASU. we have a falling out and don't talk. She comes into my life again after she returns from school and decides to go to ASU she asks me to go these college club things so I do. After a few months of making it clear I like her I find out she has a boyfriend and didn't want to tell me cause she didn't want me to run away. So I run away. And then to save time we float in and out of each other's lives over the next 4 years. She cheat's on her bf and goes crazy and results to drinking and having emotional problems due to being adopted. I meet gf number 2 and tell T to stay out of my life. I break up with gf/fiance and need to fill the void so I recall her number from memory and contact her. She still has her bf of 4 years and I hang out and text her constantly. I am more experienced and very bitter about love so I bring back all those feelings and emotions that we battled over for years and we end up together before she breaks up with her bf. Months pass I'm dating her and then after months of NC from the fiance we talk and my world crashes. I break up with T because I realized I was using her and had no intentions of anything more than dating and she was head over heals in love.

 

Alright, wow that's alot. Sorry. So as you can see I have no idea how to approach girls it always just is by luck that they fall into my lap (figuratively speaking) . When I do it usually results in failure. I honestly think it has something to do with my looks. I never seem to be given a chance. Part of me thinks because I am not 6 foot and can't gain weight for the life of me. That and I look like I'm half the age I really am.

 

I tried the online dating thing and I never get responses back. After my break up with my fiance I tried to reach out to my "friends" and realized that the years of neglecting them to spend with my girl had caused them to move on. I was left with my best friend and roommate. One who has been in a relationship for 6 years and is engaged and the other who is always in a serious relationship. So they both have their own lives going on and can't be there for me. So I'm left alone. I don't go to parties, I don't drink so I don't go to bars. I work in accounting (not a heavily female industry) and their is only one girl close to my age and I'm not attracted to her at all.

 

So I guess the reason I'm writing this is 1) to vent to a neutral party and 2) to get an opinion of what the female gender thinks could be a huge warning on why I'm not getting any attention.

 

 

My homepage thing on my profile is my Plenty of Fish profile which I created yet have had no luck even after sending several messages to girls. And no, I don't just write "hey, how r u?", "ur hot, lol." I try and find something that interest me in their profile and then I comment on our similar interest. Cars, hiking, music, etc.

 

Thanks.

[TearsofFate]

Hey, well I'm a girl who likes stories =D. I'm 24 too and I know where you're coming from.

 

I've been told I'm above average in looks, although I don't believe this, and I get all the same problems as you do. So, it probably isn't about how you look. I think your picture is cute so it can't be about looks =D! I think the underlying cause might be your depression from that one devastating break up. These traumatic experiences can make us feel overly emotional, depressed, numb and feeling a void, which can effect everything we do which includes meeting people and what kinds of people we end up meeting.

 

I even resorted to playing some WoW. =D I find no shame in playing WoW! It's a nice escape when things are not going too well. I used it to get over my dad's death and I even killed my 1 year smoking addiction with lots of wowing. I met some people on there. I met someone who was really attracted to me but lived too far away and ended up dating someone after a year. I then met another guy ...same thing happened. I wasn't really looking to meet anyone on there but I still cringed a bit whenever they founds others. Only because it made me feel like such a geek.

 

I have had maybe 8 boyfriends in my life but only one or two have been serious. I actually feel I have yet to fall in love and have an amazing relationship. Because, most of my relationships were duds I got a negative attitude from the very idea of love as well. I know, deep down, it's only because I wish it would happen.

 

I'm in know way desperate however. I stay true to myself and only will date a guy if I have strong feelings for them. I have had nearly 20 guys ask me out this year alone and I had to turn them down. Not because I'm picky, only because I want it to be "real". I find most guys who ask would just ask any girl or just want sex. I took down my pof for this reason alone, stopped playing wow (actually this was because I capped 80 with my hunter and stopped playing!), urm and even took down my msn. I have my msn back up for my friends and family.

 

I have given up dating for the last 7 months. Since giving up I have started to meet some great people. I find that once you stop looking and focus on an inner happiness within yourself, positive people will begin to flood your life. =D

 

I took up wildlife photography, started eating healthy, went to school, worked harder, and did all kinds of things. I plan on taking up canoeing as well! It helps you meet really unique people. I hope everything goes well for you.

 

Don't let depression or past bad experiences decide your future. I did, and feel like I wasted nearly 10 years of my life. I still fight it sometimes, but I will just meditate in nature or play a video game to vanquish the bad thoughts.

[Denni]

Dang bud, I feel for ya! It was a good read, thanks for sharing! I am 24 myself, and I have dated only one lady in my life. I have quite few "lady friends" if you will, but nothing serious. In your case, I believe you are to hard on yourself, and I can feel your frustration. I've been on the same boat for some time, haven't we all???, and I can assure you it's not the looks, perhaps it's your attitude??? I am sure everyone here will give you most likely same advice as me. Consantrate on yourself, build yourself up, look good, feel good, do what you do best, go out if you have too, relax, and ladies will be attracted to your character! I guess it comes down to pshycology. Peeps want what they can't have. So improve yourself, and the one will most likely notice you. But most of all be open minded. To much WOW is also bad for your health, been there done that.

 

I used to be self conscious myself, and was wondering why can't I get any females at one point in life, and I can say one thing! Confidence! Have a mind set as if "what do I have to loose", "what worse can happen," and in all honestly man there are so many females out tehre it's redicilous. If you get a chance go to NY, or any big city or country, college camp, party! You WILL, meet someone special I can assure you! Just be patient, work on yourself not your WOW toons, work on your depression, get out, join a club! I hope it helps. Excuse my grammar, english is my second language! And that was my first post. Whooo, hopefully that was some help.

[Lawl3ssOne]

If you've got a job, a good head on your shoulders and you can talk the talk and walk it too, you're already ahead of the game. Because most guys are not like that so that already separates you from the crowd. But you do almost have to care least as you go into it. You have to see it as a win, either way and remember you don't have to prove yourself to anybody. Let them prove themselves to you. It seems like a double-standard, but it's not, you've got the view it through your own eyes and as a protection to your own heart. Like you, I'm one of those guys that even though I'm young I been around a long time. I've been looked over, looked at and looked beyond countless times so either way the cookie breaks, I've been there. I'm telling you, I'm not getting mad, I'm getting glad.

 

Be thankful that you're nearing your 30s soon and still look and feel young. I'm a footstep away from thirty and I still could past for 19 with a fake mustache. That's because we're healthy, I eat lean meats, drink water and Ice-T, stay out of those night-clubs and exercise at least 3 times a week. I like to laugh a lot, so that helps me too. I'm telling you a lot of people are not smiling these days, so if you can, smile. Don't worry about being short or not having the body like you'd want. Because confidence is a height and weight that is not on the physical fitness chart, it doesn't even show on the BMI table, either. I'm not the tallest guy and definitely not the widest, either. But the key is, I know how to work with what I do have. And once you learn to do that, everything else will fall into place.

[wsim]

At least you had girlfriends before. I am much worse off than you.... I turn 26 this year and no girls have ever shown interest in me, ever. To be honest, I haven't even come close in getting girls attracted. Certainly not from a lack of trying and I am far from being a lousy person either. Tried everything from online dating, friends, acquaintances, etc. It just seems that nobody that I know can or is willing to set me up with any girls that they know.

 

When you have zero experiences or no successes/anything positive to reflect back upon or build on, it can be tough. My friends say that I have a lot of potential and great qualities to offer, but they ring very hollow to me as no girl has taken notice. I have a commerce degree from university, have a job, friendly, easy-going and definitely not creepy or threatening. Far from being ugly and at least average looking. What went wrong?

 

Not to toot my own horn but if I ever told you all of my previous attempts, failures and plain hard luck.... you will understand why I consider myself much more "deserving" of a girlfriend than many out there. I think it all comes down to luck and timing. Best of luck and keep your head up!