I made a terrible mistake, how do I redeem myself?

[james1]

I really like this girl alot but made the error of desperately divulging my feelings to her. I must have been feeling lonely and I sent her a message wherein i confessed how truly amazing i thought she was and how she was the most beautiful woman i came accross yadiyada etc.

 

Only later did I find out how much of a turnoff such behaviour is with girls who are instinctively attracted to men that are mysterious.

 

I admit I made a mistake, but can someone please tell me what i can do to redeem myself?

[arcadefire]

How long have you been dating her for, and how many dates? I don't think a message that divulges your positive feelings for her is a bad thing at all. In fact, I find that endearing. How she reacts to your message, however, will be a true test of her maturity and whether she is really a keeper or not.

[AJEDrew7]

Has she given you any negative reaction to what you wrote her? How long have the two of you been talking with one another?

 

Ok, so if you've been talking a while and she hasn't had a negative reaction I wouldn't be too worried about redeeming yourself. If she's reacted negatively and/or you haven't been talking for very long (you'll know if you two are getting close enough)

 

I wouldn't say I'm sorry or anything, but if you want to redeem yourself then I would probably take her out on a date that she would especially enjoy herself and just be fun to be around without getting too gushy about feelings.

[Nomadic Intent]

Her reaction is KEY, its all dependant on that since now the ball is in her court.

 

Only thing left now is TIME. Don't contact her anymore, no txt, no calls, nothing. You'll come accross as desperate and needy.

 

Give her space, and in time you'll know one way or the other how she feels.

[james1]

Actually, I never dated her. But I knew her for a year or so but she was a very shy type and therefore i could never read her right and thus never approached her.

 

In reaction to my messages she hid her facebook pictures from me (just me not her other friends). I could have given the impression that i was a creep. If so I admit my mistake, and would love to find a way to get her to stop thinking that i am desperate about her.

 

I just dont know how to do that.

[Teaday]

I think it'd be best to allow her to contact you next. See how she reacts and then goes from there.

 

You can never really know. But anyways, bold move!

 

Edit: Ahh, I see, you've already recieved a response. If I was in your shoes, I'd probably send a very short message to say "Sorry if I came off too strong in my last message!" and leave it at that. Maybe she will be understanding, maybe not, but anything more than that will probably scare her away further. There's really not much else you can do at this point.

[Jpo]

Actually, I never dated her. But I knew her for a year or so but she was a very shy type and therefore i could never read her right and thus never approached her.

 

In reaction to my messages she hid her facebook pictures from me (just me not her other friends). I could have given the impression that i was a creep. If so I admit my mistake, and would love to find a way to get her to stop thinking that i am desperate about her.

 

I just dont know how to do that.

 

Eeee, I'm not sure you can recover from her hiding all her FB pictures from you... I'm curious to see exactly what it was you wrote (that actually might help us help you on damage control).

 

Anyway, that was a risky move -- something that can turn out really well or really bad. I wouldn't be ashamed of it though, I think it was a pretty bold thing to do, I know I don't have the guts to do it. You took a gamble and lost. At least you tried and don't have to wonder the rest of your life about her.

[BooDestroyer]

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, I've been in this exact same boat as you a month or two back.

 

There was a girl I knew for a long while and we've gone along great as friends. But one day I decided to tell her how I felt about her and she then suddenly got very upset and uncomfortable with me.

 

I had to wait a while to give her an essay of an apology, but one day I ran into her by surprise and I told her all about it very calmly; we even did the pinky promise thing. And that got us back on the right track as friends again.

[Iakasot]

Actually, I never dated her. But I knew her for a year or so but she was a very shy type and therefore i could never read her right and thus never approached her.

 

In reaction to my messages she hid her facebook pictures from me (just me not her other friends). I could have given the impression that i was a creep. If so I admit my mistake, and would love to find a way to get her to stop thinking that i am desperate about her.

 

I just dont know how to do that.

But that's the thing, you ARE desperate about her. You STILL want someone who is so judgmental and dismissive so quickly (her being that way is apparent from how she reacted), anyone who isn't desperate wouldn't. Why do you want to find a way to get her to stop thinking you're desperate if you really ARE? Isn't that inherently deceptive?

 

Just find another girl, man, it's not that hard...

[james1]

But that's the thing, you ARE desperate about her. You STILL want someone who is so judgmental and dismissive so quickly (her being that way is apparent from how she reacted), anyone who isn't desperate wouldn't. Why do you want to find a way to get her to stop thinking you're desperate if you really ARE? Isn't that inherently deceptive?

 

Just find another girl, man, it's not that hard...

 

 

 

I dont deny that I really like this girl. But it turns out that girls shouldnt find how much a guy likes them until later. Or else they label the guy as a creep.

 

I think the mistake I made was divulging all my emotions to her without getting to know her first. If she labeled me a creep/despo, she will avoid me. I am someone who she can get anytime, so I become less valued. I want to increase my value in her eyes, but at this point I cant figure out how.

 

But you are right, I still want to get her because I like her alot. I dont want to be friends with her, I want to go out with her.

[james1]

An even greater problem is that we have seen each other for a long time but never really got to know each other. Sure I can wait for her to respond for as long as she wants to take, but I dont think she will. Because she doesnt know me at all as a person. I am only a guy who she sees around alot, who has been trying to get in touch with her for a while, and who has written her this message.

[hrtlsngl7]

To bang, or not to bang....stay out of the friend zone!!!! IF they want to be friends say yeah, then promptly ditch them to teach them a lesson.

[BriarRose]

I don't think what you did was so bad and she sounds like a very judgemental person and one who is easily spooked. She can't be so great....?

[james1]

I don't think what you did was so bad and she sounds like a very judgemental person and one who is easily spooked. She can't be so great....?

 

 

 

I am inclined to agree with you kitty and arcadefire. I can't see how what I said was that much of a turn off, especially (something I didnt mention before) when she was the first one to hit on me, she was the one who always checked if I was observing her etc.

 

To answer your question JPO, here is some of the things I wrote to her:

 

"..do you have any idea how absolutely stunning you are? glamour just drips off you..yet, I am surprized how down to earth and shy you are and that is what truly fascinates me about you..."

 

 

"...there is so much expression in your eyes and voice, and you are incredibly gifted in that way.."

 

 

"...ever since I saw you, I have been asking myself this: does this girl ever realize her potential?...you are the prettiest girl even without trying.."

 

 

 

I tried to be sincere and respectful. Also she knew that I have been wanting to approach her.

What about this would make her take the action of hiding her facebook pics from me? Or how could she possibly be feeling about me after reading all this? If I can come up with answers to these questions I guess I can perhaps figure out a solution.

 

 

Thanks for your help guys.