Shna89 Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 So as I've posted before my boyfriend and I are into s&m stuff. Aside from that we do argue as most live in couples do, but sometimes are fights are obviously instigated by him, although he denies it at the time. Today he admitted that he starts fights with me because it turns him on. Is that normal? Link to comment
OldSoul19 Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 i dont know to what degree its normal. if its vicious angry fights, then thats odd. but i know that i get turned on when im angry because its like all senses are going at once. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 He need to find other sources of arousal besides instigating fights. I think many people do get turned on by little fights but not when they are about serious issues. Link to comment
OldSoul19 Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 I think many people do get turned on by little fights but not when they are about serious issues. exactly what i meant. thank you for clarifying Link to comment
Shna89 Posted June 28, 2010 Author Share Posted June 28, 2010 It's never about anything too serious but it's to get me going. It's like he enjoys making me angry. Link to comment
agent1607307371 Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 Yes. I believe that arousal and anger are pretty similar biochemically speaking. (Though if anyone who does science knows otherwise, please correct me.) Link to comment
Cadence44 Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 I think it's not okay if the fights are about real issues. That's not fair. If he likes you when you're angry, why can't you have an agreement that you can 'play fight'. If he wants to get you going, you could have a code word between you two. Then you can suddenly develop a very strong opinion about whatever nonsense topic he brings up next. Like if oranges are really orange, or something. If you get into it enough, it will still get a rise out of you both but won't damage your real relationship. Link to comment
DrKitten Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 Is this the same boyfriend who is abusive to you? Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 28, 2010 Share Posted June 28, 2010 I think it's a normal fetish. But, he really needs to let you in on it. Stressing you out and making you believe that you are having an argument (whether it is fake or not) to help himself get off is unfair to you. I have friends who mutually stage fights for sexual reasons. But, they have boundaries and communicate well about it. Link to comment
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