An ex love addict... or am i still one?

[bit3yerlip]

All my life, ive been loving. i always thought i was in love each time that i got into a relationship. I get weak whenever it comes to guys/love, i thought it makes me happiest, i did everything for love, i'd give my all for them. from one guy to another, from each failed 'love' to another, i kept on holding on to love. Nothing could stop me from love it's like a drug. Everything else in life wasnt important to me. until 1 year ago (21 years later) when i got my heart ripped off the worst kind of bad, i changed. i am more excited about life, i am happier, i am free, i feel better, i feel peaceful, i am alive for the first time. Work, friends, and family keeps me going. I tried to forget about guys but instead of hating guys, i come to understand and appreciate guys more. but i was scared of getting close to them.

Recently, ive been asked out on dates, and i gladly accepted their invitations. nope i did not end up in any dating/romantic relationship with them after the dates. i am very picky now. but i caught myself getting overly excited (how i dress, make up, etc) and this reminds me of how i get so weak and blind when i was in love. even when some of the dates didnt go well, i get home and beat myself up about it. im tired of it, so i decided to stop dating around until i am sure that he is what i am looking for. this is to lessen my 'beating myself up' moment after the date.

ANd now, i think i like a guy friend of mine. we did not go on dates. we only hungout. we are starting to hangout more often. i know it, i am falling for him. but i dont want to be weak again like last time. this guy may be starting to like me, but i have the feeling that my love addiction is still somewhere in me. which is why it is time for me to take action.

So, how am i to seriously not get weak and distracted from love? i want to put work, friends and family the most powerful energy for me, but i get distracted easily. do i disappear myself whenever i start to like a guy?

[Stanton]

Why are you just hanging out with your guy friend and not actually dating him? Just curious.

[Eclipse11]

Hi Bit3yerlip...I'm kinda the same - so now I just make sure I DEFINITELY do something without my boyfriend, with other people, at least twice a week and I feel much better for it...

It's just about being disciplined and getting the balance right...Eclipse x

[yokohama_mama]

Your previous pattern sounds more like a desperate need for connection rather than love.

However getting excited and preparing carefully, plus playing back how things went, sounds normal, I think everyone does it to a lesser or greater extent.

With this guy friend, it sounds like you have a chance to allow things to progress at a slower, more stable pace. Things that develop more slowly are often more stable and long lasting. You know better now than to focus 100% of your time and energy on him; you know that won't make either one of you happy.

If you want to have an intimate relationship you will have to open up and trust again. There is always a risk of getting hurt. But your experience and the wisdom you've earned will guide you to make better choices and lower that risk.