yokohama_mama

I have a half brother whom I've recently been exchanging e-mails with too. He's 16 years younger than me. My father was married briefly to his mother but she ran off with my half-brother when he was a newborn. I've seen him only a couple of times, since his mom rarely stayed in one place. My contact with him isn't exactly secret, but I don't discuss it with my dad since we're not that close and since he wouldn't like it - he feels that they are always trying to con him out of more money in addition to the child support and alimony he pays. Anyway, in your case I think I would also feel uncomfortable keeping that big secret from my parents, so I might tell my half-brother how I felt and ask him if I could tell them - or I might just inform him that I was going to tell them, and that he could decide whether or not he wanted to keep e-mailing me after that. About your concerns, 1. Sounds like you're an honest person, shame on you! ;-) I really doubt that your parents are going to happen upon this forum and figure out this is you. 2. I think they might be a little mad, but I'm sure they wouldn't disown you or anything. 3. You sound pretty normal, maybe you have a touch of social anxiety that makes you sweat over relationships , maybe you're just excitable. Doesn't sound like you're debilitated by your mental/emotional state, so I wouldn't rush to put a lable on it or medicate it. Life does have ups and downs, exciting parts and dull parts. Of course I don't know you so I'm just giving my $.02 based on what you wrote.

My husband and I are nonreligious and wanted our wedding to be the same. Because of our complicated circumstances (from different countries, parents speak differrent languages, my parents are divorced which leads to awkwardness, etc.) we gave up trying to plan a wedding including everyone and ended up getting married just the two of us on a beach in Hawaii. I planned the whole thing online and over the phone, and I chose the company based on the quality of the photographer. But the photographer usually worked with a certain minister who handled the vows. So while I requested a non-religious ceremony, the woman I spoke asked if I would mind if the minister threw in a "God bless you", and I figured no harm could come of that so I said OK. The service was fine, maybe not exactly the vows I would have chosen if I'd written my own, but it accomplished the goal of getting me married to my sweetie. If you Google 'secular wedding' you should come up with lots of info. Good luck and happy wedding!

Any chance you could be pregnant? In the first trimester women are super sensitive to certain smells.

Don't feel too bad; remember the sage words of the Sunscreen song: "Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't." Keep pondering, you'll figure it out. In the meantime, I'd keep the bank job and do the training until you have a firm plan; being unemployed can be far more demoralizing than being in a job you don't care for! Also it's better to gain some experience, and move on from a position of strength rather than one of desperation

I can relate, I'm a serious coffee nut. Some days I feel like I just can't get started without it. I've tried to quit and have managed a couple times for a while, but I always get sucked back in. There are claims that link removed, and others saying that link removed. I think that if you drink between one and three cups a day (just one cup if it's Starbucks strength) you should be OK. I found that when I tried to quit I'd get a headache that only coffee could relieve. Cutting down instead of quiting outright might help, starting to drink half decaf and gradually moving to only decaf. Try to avoid drinking coffee with meals or at the same time as you take a vitamin though, as it interferes with the absorption of some nutrients. Two hours before or after a meal is better.

He treats you like this because you let him treat you like this. The way he's treated you is disgusting (especially the part about only allowing you to give him a blow job because he's not attracted/connected enough to you for full sex, ugh) but you've allowed him to do it. I think you've probably tarnished yourself in his eyes permanently by putting up with that crap. I can't see how you'll ever maneuver this into a loving, respectful relationship. For the sake of your future self, who will probably look back at this situation with regret and shame, I'd suggest you really try to stay away from him. You haven't seen him since April, that's great, I think you should continue not seeing him.

Sounds like a horrible situation you're in. I agree with BellaDonna, it's best that you're not living together while you're unable to get along. I can understand that her Dad wants your Mom to be the one to pick up your son, since you and you girlfriend had such a serious fight just yesterday, and would probably fight again if you met face to face. From what you wrote in your post, it sounds like the two of you don't know how to speak to each other with basic politeness and respect. Your attitudes to each other are just going to lead you to fight all the time. Even if you're unable to resurrect a loving relationship with each other, for the sake of your son it would be great if you learned just to be civil to each other, since you'll be connected to each other through your son for many years. Maybe you could try some couples counselling; getting some direct feedback on the way you communicate and howe you could improve it might help. It sounds like she has some serious issues of her own which she hasn't dealt with. But even if she's speaking to you in a cruel way, you don't need to respond with cruelty. You could just say something like, "That really hurt." or "That was mean." If you shout, swear and abuse back at her, it will just escalate. You say that everyone's abandoned you, but it sounds like your mom still cares, even if you feel like she doesn't understand the situation correctly and is against you. If you can tell her your side of things without getting angry or upset she'll probably be more supportive. It sounds like you'll need support if you'll be dealing with legal things like custody. arrangements.

I agree with annie and kellbell, this guy is playing both you and the new girl. From the things he's said to you it sounds like he's pretty good at manipulating girls. He's now sleeping with both of you, lucky guy, and I'm sure he'd add more girls to his roster if he could manage it. Even if he does leave her and get back together with you, could you ever trust him again? This guy will burn you if you let him. Be good to yourself and don't let him.

You're very young...you were 15 when you two got together? So it's not surprising that in the time you've been with him you've grown and changed. Part of you is comfortable with things the way they are, and part of you wants to get away, have adventures and try different things before you settle down. Because you are now living together and you've started to make a life in the town where you are, it's more complicated to leave. But if that's what you really feel you want to do, then you shouldn't stay with your boyfriend just to spare him hurt; you'll inevitably end up hurting him more when you either finally get up the courage to go, or stay but feel unhappy and take it out on him. Whatever you do, before you leave make sure you have a plan of exactly where you want to go and what you want to do. It might be easier to do things step by step; if you're not totally sure about breaking up you could first move into your own place in the town you're in, and continue dating without living together. Then if it still doesn't seem to be working, it'll be easier to end it without the complications of moving out of your shared place. If travel is what you want to do, then maybe you coulld take some time, continue with the job for now and save some money to travel. Just a few ideas, good luck.

Sounds like you're moving in the right direction to me! Your realization on the way to work is exactly right, and once you let go of the fear that all woman will treat you badly like your ex did, you clear the way for new relationships to happen. Just chose carefully; try to think of red flags you missed or ignored during your time with your ex and be aware (but not paranoid) next time you meet someone you're interested in. Sorry you got burned last time, but glad to hear you're starting to heal.

Don't worry about subtle hints, just ask her out, then you'll know for sure if she's into you or not. If she isn't, then you don't need to waste time obssessing about her. If she is, well great, it could be the start of something wonderful. I think you should be more direct and talk to her instead of just e-mailing and texting. If anything is ever going to happen between you, you'll have to get comfortable talking with her. Good luck.

I can't tell from your post exactly what's going on with you and this woman - what do you do when you get together on weekends? If you're interested maybe you should ask her on a date. If you can tell she's interested maybe you could try kissing her. She might be confused about your intentions if you haven't made any kind of move on her; maybe she doesn't know you're interested in her in a romantic way.

I feel for you, I get really horrible cramps, so bad I can't move and just have to curl up in bed and moan in pain. Really feels like I'm dying. I'm pregnant now, and really enjoying not having my period (of course labour will be worse than the worst cramps, but that's still a few months away). My mom is a nurse, and one of her nursing friends gave me a supply of Tylenol 3 with codiene from the hospital. I would take one of those and the cramps would go...bliss. They're pretty heavy duty though. If normal drug store meds aren't helping, you might try talking to your doctor to see if she can prescribe something stronger.

Yes, eventually. I'm happily married now to someone else, and living in a different country. I broke off contact with him when things were becoming serious with my now-husband. But I have to say that sometimes he still crosses my mind. He was the first guy I ever felt that strongly about, so it's hard to totally forget. I Google him now and then just to take a look (he's a musician so I can find info and pictures of him online), but I realize that I'm better off without him-- like you said, if things were going to happen with us, they would've happened. I was "in love" with him for over 10 years, although I had other boyfriends throughout that time, since there would be long periods of not seeing him. I put "in love" in quotes because now I'm not so sure it was love; I think the fact that I could never totally have him made it last longer and made me want him more. Maybe if we had ever had a true boyfriend/girlfriend relationship I would have lost interest. I think that "relationship" really hurt me though, because it was like being rejected over and over again; he wanted to be with me sometimes, and said he loved me, but then I wouldn't hear from him for ages. I would wonder why, if it was so great when we were together, didn't he want to be with me all the time? It was very different from the love I have with my husband, who accepts me in every way as I am, lets me know he wants to be with me, and makes me feel totally secure in his love. Anyway I don't know if my situation is exactly like yours, but I hope everything works out for you.

Calm down.. and slow down, or you'll burn through this relationship so fast it'll make your head spin. It's tempting to get super-intense super-fast when you meet someone you really like, but it almost never leads to anything lasting. You might get bored or irritated with each other pretty quickly if you're on the phone every minute of the day. Try to stop yourself from calling before tomorrow night. Maybe you could write your feelings and the things you want to tell her down, instead of phoning (don't give her what you wrote though, it's just for you to release tension). Or if you're more physical, go out for a run or something.