Do I have a right to feel this way?

[Girthman]

Hi everybody, sorry if I did not make an introductory thread, but anyways, Im girthman and Im new, and I need some help

 

well here is my story, my girlfriend....well my ex now for other reasons,

 

we've been trying to go out for a long time, but complications like parents not wanting her to have a boyfriend yet (shes 17) and I've been 18 since Jan. other complications were her sister not wanting her to go out with me (shes 1 year older than me) and that we went to different highschools although we live in the same city (oxnard, CA). at first our relationship was good and it wasnt too much of a problem but then we were barely able to see each other and everything started getting too stressful and we broke it off, and then after a while we'll start talking again and we would go through this cycle again and again. weve done this about 3 times and it all ends the same way each time.

 

now this time (the 4th time trying to go out) she broke up with her boyfriend for me (they were going out for 3 weeks) and she had officially became my girlfriend again yesterday.

 

now that the back story is over and done with now here is the situation.

she had told me over text that she was going to hang out with her friend that she hadnt seen for 3 years and he will be moving away the next day, I told her that I was fine with it although I felt a little uncomfortable with it, and she gets all mad at me, and starts telling me that she doesnt like jealous guys, and I just told her that I really cared for her and I was just afraid to lose her, ( I am very insecure about myself and I have never had much luck with girls,my longest relationships only lasting a month which only a few did, which I know is the reason why I feel jealous/worried) but she still said it was jealousy and stuff.

 

What Im wondering is, Did I have a right to feel uncomfortable about her hanging out alone with this guy, whom I never met before, and I was also a little upset that she was going to hang out with this guy instead of me since it was my day off from work, and u guys have to understand that I dont get to spend as much time with her as I would want especially since our relationship had to be a secret from her sister AND her parents. Am I a jealous boyfriend because of this? I swear I was scared and my stomach was in knots and I almost felt like crying, with the thoughts of her being alone with this guy, and the fear of him stealing her away from me.

 

well thats my question, sorry for the long read.

 

additionally I would like to let you guys/girls know, that I ended up breaking up with her cuz I knew we would only be going through the same cycle we've been goin through the other 3 times we tried going out, So I felt It would be better for the both of us if I were to just end it and just stay out of each others life, and dont get me wrong I still feel horrible and seeing her picture makes my heart sink to my stomach and I almost feel like tearing up.

But I knew a stable and healthy relationship would not be possible with her so I just had to break the cycle, and I know I have to be strong,

 

if u dont mind would u also be able to comment on my situation and what u guys think about my decision and stuff? hopefully Im not asking too much of u guys, but any help is appreciated.

 

thanks for reading

sincerely, Jacob

[whes]

I think you were right to break it off. The hard part is NOT going back to her after a while. I've been in an on-off relationship before, and the temptation to go back into it is SO hard to resist. But unless things change, it's going to keep on having that same end. You guys seem to be pretty unstable. And, you said it yourself: you know you don't have a stable and healthy relationship with her. A permanent break-up, in my opinion, would be best.

[Girthman]

yea I know its not going to change any time soon, and I know its going to be supremely hard not going back to her because, like I said I dont have much luck with girls and I think I mostly want to be with her because she is one of the only girls who actually likes me, so I'll try my best to keep her out of my life cuz it would be the best for both of us.

 

but also I have to ask about my original question, if I had the right to feel uncomfortable and stuff about her hanging out with that guy, does it make me a jealous boyfriend?

[whes]

Well, if you do feel uncomfortable, maybe that's one of the things you keep to yourself at this point. It takes some time to not be a jealous person, and it's more of a personal issue. I think she overreacted to you saying that you were uncomfortable, but at the same time, you two have always been on uncertain terms so your reaction was natural. If you don't know where you stand with someone, you're prone to feeling more jealousy than usual.

[faithful14]

you can't help how you feel and no one should ever make you feel bad for it. You did what you believed was best for yourself. You said that guys always ended up going in circles so it's just time for a change. It's emotionally exhausting to go back and forth all the time and never get anywhere. So as bad as you do feel right now, I think you did the right thing. It's not healthy to be in a relationship were there are constant ups and downs.

 

Honestly, you have the guts to do what a lot of people are afraid to. Good for you.