Why do I feel so awkward and guilty turning down women?

[JoeCool]

Ok I know I'm gay but as of late, I've been getting attention from women. Beautiful attractive women at that. I'm not saying this to brag or anything, it is very flattering because I'm really not used to getting attention from people period. If I were straight, I'd probably be on top of the world but since I'm not into women, the advances some of them have made on me have been like ugh, why couldn't this be from an attractive man that I like?

 

Like today I was taking the train to the city and this really cute girl sat next to me and we started conversing. She seemed to be really into me, asking me if I had a girlfriend and if I was single. In the back of my mind, I was flattered but I'm like oh lord.I just don't know how to tell people flat out I'm gay lol. But at the same time, I feel awkward and weird not being interested in women and turning down their advances. I've accepted the fact that I'm gay, it just feels so odd turning down attractive women. Like we've exchanged numbers and I haven't heard from the girl as of yet. It's just so scary to see what her response might be if I tell her I'm gay.

[compwhiz345]

Maybe because you would like them to find love, but it's not you? If it makes you feel better, I wish I even had the chance to have women to turn down.

[RyanGeist]

Wonder if there isn't a delicate way of saying those things. You probably wouldn't want to say "well, I do have a boyfriend," that is, if you don't. But who's business is it, really? Then again, it isn't beyond the realm of appropriate conversation. Maybe the better question is, why isn't it ok to just say it plain? If she's intolerant, that's her loss.

 

Unrelated question, but... what's your secret?

[bruinsy81]

Wonder if there isn't a delicate way of saying those things. You probably wouldn't want to say "well, I do have a boyfriend," that is, if you don't. But who's business is it, really? Then again, it isn't beyond the realm of appropriate conversation. Maybe the better question is, why isn't it ok to just say it plain? If she's intolerant, that's her loss.

 

Unrelated question, but... what's your secret?

I was going to say the same thing,''what's your secret''? Beautiful attractive women usually don't do the approaching simply because they don't have to.They are always approached.

[shuttlefish]

, I've been getting attention from women. Beautiful attractive women at that. y.

 

It seems that there's nothing more alluring and attractive to a beautiful woman than a man who is not interested in her!

 

I dont' think you have to "out" yourself every time a woman shows interest in you. You can just say things like "Sorry I'm not dating women at this moment" or "you seem nice but I'm not available" or something enigmatic like that. I wouldn't give anyone your phone number since that implies interest. Instead, take her number and then throw it away. Likely their ego can handle some "no calls" (of course that will make you even MORE interesting!)

[shuttlefish]

I was going to say the same thing,''what's your secret''? Beautiful attractive women usually don't do the approaching simply because they don't have to.They are always approached.

 

Kinda wish we could hang out with Joe-cool sometime lol.

[shuttlefish]

Unrelated question, but... what's your secret?

 

I think it might be the stereotype. Gay guys dress nice, have money, are smooth and hip, socially aware and conscious and aren't nervous around pretty girls, Oh and always smell good.

 

Stereotype of course but there is some truth in it.

[Cadence44]

How about a sly smile and saying "No, i don't have a girlfriend... which is probably good because I'm not into girls"?

 

You'll be talking around the subject while also getting your point accross clearly. If you have the right charm when you're saying it, then there's no awkwardness for either of you.

 

If I was the woman and the guy responded like that, I would laugh and start talking about other stuff. And then we'd exchange numbers so we could be friends!

[RyanGeist]

It seems that there's nothing more alluring and attractive to a beautiful woman than a man who is not interested in her!

 

I was hoping that wasn't the case, but was thinking it probably was anyway. Drat.

 

You're onto something with the not having to out yourself every time advice. Enigmatic responses are well suited.

[JoeCool]

Well I texted the girl I met on the train today and I told her that I'm into guys but I still wouldn't mind being friends anyway and I haven't gotten a text back yet lol. I just felt like I needed to be honest. It's weird, this has been a major self esteem booster for me. My head is not blown up or anything. It's just that I'm not used to anyone coming up to me period with interest. It's very flattering.. Ugh I just wish that some men can talk to me, instead of women though lol.

 

Also it's amazing what a new look can do for you! I've noticed I've gotten more attention since I changed my wardrobe up with more fashionable clothes and since I changed my hairstyle as well. My friends took me out to get a makeover lol, they said it was overdo and I feel completely confident and different.. maybe this is where all of this attention is coming from I guess..

[MikeG]

Joecool,

 

I can understand this dilemma. You do not want to be so direct and scare her off yet at the same time you do not want to lead a girl on either since they deserve to be happy as you deserve to be happy. But sometimes honest is the best policy. I know you do not want to hurt their feelings but its better they know then that later right?

 

Mike

[FathomFear]

I suspect it will come with time. Not to be rude, but you've indicated before that you're still not 100% comfortable with being gay. Once you get to that point I suspect you won't feel guilt over not being attracted to women.