Help! Need Advice About a Girl...

[Jeffster]

Hi all!

 

I don't really know what to expect, but I'll give posting here a shot because this situation is driving me nuts!

 

Okay, here's the deal.

 

I've known this certain girl for about three years and I've always had a crush on her, but for the first couple of years nothing much happened and I never really thought anything would come of it. Then, one day, I was over at her place to check on my apartment building (she was a renter of mine) and I noticed she was being really flirty. At first I thought it was my imagination, but after she continued on with it, I realized she was serious.

 

Over the period of the next month or so, she starts totally coming on to me and we end up spending a lot of time together and text flirting and all the other usual stuff people do. I was flattered and I figured as long as nothing physical happened, it was harmless fun. I really thought she'd be okay with being platonic until our mutual circumstances changed. I was wrong!

 

The thing is, she has a boyfriend she lives with and I had a girlfriend at the time so I figured anything physical between us was out of the question. I don't cheat and I don't want a bunch of drama with her and her boyfriend. That's just the way I am. Therefore, I tried to keep things fun, flirty and friendly with her, while drawing the line at getting physical, but she starts making it perfectly clear that she wants to have a physical relationship with me--and I want one too, but not under those circumstances. I just can't. Too many people would get hurt and I don't like hurting people.

 

So, I just continued to hang out with her as friends and pretty much ignored her advances, but after about a couple of months of that it got kinda lame between us and we started to slowly cool off.

 

At this point we hardly talk any more. Maybe once a month.

 

Now, the thing is, I still have feelings for her and I'm still hoping it will somehow work out between us and I'm willing to wait and see what happens with the boyfriend (they are still together despite her telling me about nine months ago she was leaving him). The problem is, I can tell she has lost a lot of attraction for me and she has some resentment probably because she feels some rejection. She knows I like her, but she most likely thinks it's weird that I never do or did anything about it.

 

The question is, at this point, barring anything physical, what should I do about this bummer situation? Is there any way I can make her feel better about everything while getting her to respect the fact that I don't mind flirting a little and being friends, but there's no way I'm getting involved in some lousy love triangle with her and her boyfriend? Maybe I screwed up by not saying something to her right away as it was happening?

 

Do I need to have a talk with her and tell her how I feel and why I did what I did?

 

This is a mess and I'm sooo confused about how to handle it!

 

It seems like she's the type of girl who gives a guy one shot and if you don't or can't go for it, too bad! She doesn't want excuses, she wants action!

 

How do I turn her around and make her understand that I care for her, but I can't do anything until she and her boyfriend end it?

 

Thanks.

[wayoverit]

Assuming you are now single and you want to fight for her affection, I think you should ring her up as a friend. Avoid talking on subject of relationship. Just be a friend and talk about other subjects. Let your action display your care for her and over time you may win her heart over from her current boyfriend. Actions such as sending birthday cards, Christmas gift, etc.. will speak volume that are a better match for her.

[Jeffster]

Hi Wayoverit and thanks for the reply.

 

The advice you have given me is exactly what I've been doing all along and the problem is it's not working! I think I need to try something else.

 

It just seems like she's got this resentment towards me because of what happened (or didn't happen) last fall and that it's really changed the way she feels about me. I know she still likes me, but it's as if it's too painful or something for her to talk to me now and the nicer I am towards her, the worse she feels because it's like I'm rubbing her nose in the fact that we can't be together right now.

 

And yes, my girlfriend and I have broken up due to reasons completely unrelated to this situation.

 

I really feel like I need to say something to her, but I just don't know what to say or how to say it. I don't want to make things worse.

[wayoverit]

All you can do is wait my friend. She seems happy with her boyfriend now I guess. If you do anything too intruding you may end up losing a friend completely. Just be there as a friend and send her greetings on holidays and once in a long moon to share your life a bit, as a friend should do.