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How and where to approach a girl?


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First off, I'll be spending much of today at Barnes and Noble.


I'll sit down around the cafe area for most of the time and read up on whatever I've got - and make more out of the projects I've got on my computer.


Now, if I see a girl whom I may find interesting, what should I do? Should I just stay where I am and keep at what I'm doing? Or should I start going over to her and introduce myself to her and all? Because I feel that if I completely go out of my own way to sit next to her, that would come off as an awkward situation for us both.


So if not that, how should I start something up? I can handle the rest after that, but approaching a girl is the hardest part for me ever.



And the other part is, say I'm usually at those anime/game conventions and I see a girl whom I might be interested in. How should I get to her at this kind of place? But even if I do start up on something with her, I fear that I may never see her again after this convention (or until the next one, these things are forever apart). I also feel that if I get to asking her for her contact info, I may come off as too hasty. I know I should take it steadily and not rush it, but still...



Any advice is well appreciated, thanks in advance. I'll say this once more, but everyone else makes dating and relationships seem so bloody friggin easy, but it's next to impossible for me.

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First off, I'll be spending much of today at Barnes and Noble.



So if not that, how should I start something up? I can handle the rest after that, but approaching a girl is the hardest part for me ever.



And the other part is, say I'm usually at those anime/game conventions and I see a girl whom I might be interested in. How should I get to her at this kind of place?




1.) What you are talking about is the "cold approach" (like the cold call in sales). Most of the time it will not work. You will have to develop a thick skin. Stranger to stranger is really really tough, you need something in common besides proximity for it to work. Most girls are suspicious of strangers so it will be tough. It can be done but...the odds are against you. Unless you have a thick skin and can deal with rejection gracefully then I'd advise against it. 9 times out of 10 you will fail (thought statistically speaking if you try it 10 times then once it will work so....)


2.) The convention - see there's something in common, something to right away talk about. From what I know of anime/game conventions though, isn't it rather slanted towards men? - ie: the are more guys than girls. These are not good odds either. Still, chat them up, try to find something else in common, have an event in mind that is happening later - ie "hey are you going to xyz (event/movie/concert/anything) on the 27th? you should go, I'm going and we can hang out". If she's attracted then she will jump on it, or even if she is semi interested she will at least look out for you.

Make sure you get her name and remember it!!!!


Better yet, be the organizer of said event (or on the committee or something) girls like guys with hobbies and who are interesting.

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I think you should just go up to a girl and introduce yourself. I suppose you could pick something about her and use that as a way to start a conversation. Maybe she is looking at a book you like or wearing a shirt with your favorite band on it. Just look for something. That would make it easier to approach her. Short of that, though, I'd say just go for it and talk to her. Be honest and say you think she is pretty and that you noticed her and wanted to talk to her. It might not work most of the time, but I wouldn't say never. That has worked on me before.


As for Anime conventions...I think you should be fine approaching someone there. You have lots to work with. Maybe talk about her costume or the game booth she is at.


In short, just don't be afraid. Go for it. I have found that I prefer guys who will just approach me and be friendly than those who stare and are way too shy when they come up to me. I like confidence. Sure, I am wary of any stranger, but friendly will tend to make it better than if you are weird or awkward. Work on that and don't worry about what they will think. It's one of those things which you just have to do. Success isn't guaranteed each time, of course, but definitely more than if you awkwardly approach a girl or not at all. Good luck!

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I agree with JennBarr. If I see somebody, I usually do try to go on over, but I just want to avoid making it seem way awkward.


There were times before when I did go along very well with most girls at the places I've gone to. But after that, I never saw them again...


But when I do meet someone and then find out that she's with somebody already, then I'm too late. See, that means it's all a race!

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Cold approach is something I do a lot. Yes it's more or less a numbers game, but there are ways of approaching and not approaching which will greatly improve your odds of having a successful outcome.


There are two types of cold approaches, indirect and direct. Indirect allows you to come in under the radar, not seem like you're hitting on them, and build up things slowly. This can take 30 minutes or more just to get things going. Direct on the other hand lays it all out there from the start and is more or less immediate results. The key is to not seem like every other guy that's ever hit on her and come off like some sex deprived horn dog that is only after one thing.


Here's a few examples of indirect approaches:


• Functional openers are the easiest and most socially acceptable openers to use. However, they're the toughest to transition from. An example of a Functional opener is “Do you have the time? I think my watch is running slow.”, “Do you know if there are any good specials here tonight? I'm getting tired of the same old xyz.”, “Do you know where the bathrooms are? I can't find them anywhere and my friend is about to make a mess!” and so on.


• Compliment openers are just as they sound. You give a compliment, exchange names, and you're gone. An example of this would be, “That's a great dress. I like how it makes you stand out from the crowd.”


• Observational openers are just as they sound. You're commenting on the environment around you and are the most powerful as it creates a commonality. As I mentioned above you don't want to give the impression of hitting on them, and observational openers have a tendency to do that as they can come accross as try-hard with bad delivery. Instead of talking to the HB about it, talk about whatever you're observing to your wing. Then you bring in the girl. Now because you were already discussing it with your wing it's not hitting on them, but just conversing with someone else nearby about that cool or strange widget you just noticed. An example would be “ check that out! Look at that picture and this one over here. (Said to the girl...) Do you see that? They're all the same pictures, they're just different color! I wonder how many people even notice that? Weird, huh?”


Notice in the above examples I'm justifying why I'm talking to them.As a rule always include a justifying statement when you approach whether it be direct or indirect. Direct is similar, but more to the point:


• Direct approaches are streamlined and put your balls on the chopping block, but they will save you a lot of time and energy. An example is, "Excuse me, this is completely random, but you look interesting. What is a good way of keeping in touch?" In this example the justifying statement of why you want to keep in touch is that she looks interesting. Another example is making a faux-situational approach and immediately following it up with, "I'm kidding, I thought you looked interesting and wanted to meet you. I'm _____."



When approaching whether it be direct or indirect, never compliment things about herself that she can't change. In general stick to style, tastes, and things of that nature. They're more thoughtful and will hopefully be unusually, but in a good way.



Other things to remember when approaching is to smile and just be friendly. And don't forget solid eye contact. This is powerful stuff. If you are looking away or afraid to make eye contact it's a very beta behavior and is generally a huge turnoff for most women.


A trick to get a woman, or anyone for that matter, to behave in a way you desire is to qualify something she does and then disqualify the rest of the venue or people around. These are actually two separate skills, so play around with different types of qualifiers and disqualifiers. Also, you can roll them together and mix them into your opening statement as well. A very basic version I use if I met them at some point before is “Hi , I didn't get a chance to tell you earlier, but you were super polite/friendly. I think that's awesome. Between you and me most people here are kinda stuck up.” Qualified her being nice, disqualified everyone else for not. Now she will be more likely to be nice for a short while because she will naturally want to fulfill that social expectation, at least in the short term. If you don't know them previously the you can tack on a qualifying statement at any point in the conversation, but sooner the better. An example, “Hey, you seem really friendly. I just wanted to ask you a quick question....”

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Well, that kinda failed. Didn't see anybody there who seemed particularly interesting to me. Anyone who was around my age were in groups together. Didn't want to interfere like that...



But I still wonder, how is it that everyone else I know didn't have to go through all this crap to get together with somebody? They're just doing it so fast and easy like it's nothing.


In the meantime, I think I'll just stick to online dating. At least this can tell me who around here actually is single first.

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