I can't believe this...

[ranchycowgirl]

Just a fair warning, this is going to be very long, so please bear with me

 

My boyfriend and I had been together 9 months. He and I are..or were... very much in love, and I do know that because of the way he'd treat me and speak to me. He was very genuine.

Two weeks ago he started having issues with his phone, which I do know to be true and understood that. He went an entire week without speaking to me. I could tell on the 5th day of no phone that his phone WAS on and he was just not answering.

I spoke to my friends to see if it would be weird to do, but everyone said to go ahead...so I drove to his house to see him.He came home drunk and I was talking to his friends. His friends like me, I wasn't unwelcome sitting there. Anyway, he wouldn't look at me and simply said "hola..." I stood up and asked him to come outside with me real quick. He brushed me away and sat down smiling saying "I don't want to go out there, it's cold out!" I said please, just real quick. He kept denying. His friends were all shaking their heads in disgust at this point. One of them finally said "You really need to go outside man" He said "why? She's crazy!!"

I was shocked that he would say such a thing to me. After his friends kept saying for him to just go outside he did. He looked at me and said "this isn't working. you b**** all the time. you called me so many times today! We need a break." I said I called him because I knew his phone was on, and why hadn't he just picked up ONCE or sent me a quick text saying he'd call me later. That's it. I never asked anything of him but for some communication. Up until this point he had called me everynight, talked for hours, and would always text me in the morning. He always brought up marriage and how much he loved me, I never said those things first because I didn't want him to get scared. He then looked at me and told me I needed to go home. I got in my car and drove the 2 hour drive home at midnight.

We didn't speak for 3 days. I called him and we spoke for an hour and a half about what was going on. He brought up old fights that we had already resolved and he'd apologized for in the past.

I had finally agreed in my mind to the break because then maybe he'd learn to appreciate me. I had told him if he wanted to break up just to tell me. He said he didn't want to. I asked if he still loved me and he said yea.

I know he loves me, I know what we have isn't all just a lie.

He just lets his "pride" get in the way. He doesn't want to be seen as the guy who's girlfriend makes him do things. Which the only thing I have asked him not to do is have a naked chick on his phone out of respect for me.

So... is this hopeless? I really think he'll realize what he's lost and try to come back to me. I have no idea what I'd do though because things would have to change to make me trust him again.

I love him more than anything and I know he loves me but I don't know if he scared himself and now has to just be a butt or what...

but I made the mistake of trying to contact him just because I want to know what the hell is going on... of course no response.

How am I supposed to deal with this? I'm in such a hard spot. I'm in a new state where all I have is a job. I have no friends here. I don't know what to do.

I just want him to wake up, because he said he wanted to marry me and be with me forever. He meant it. He doesn't sugar coat anything and I know he never says what he doesn't mean.

Is it common that young guys, 21, would push away someone they love because they get scared?

I'm so hurt. Sorry for the babbling but all my thoughts are jumbled.

It's been a month now and no contact. I don't understand this at all...He's a cowboy...maybe that's the problem... he had no trouble introducing me to his friends and family and always seemed very proud to be with me. But now hes run away because of made up excuses and little normal relationship conflicts that had been resolved.

How do I NOT think about him and everything we had? And no I'm not contacting him again. At this point as sad as it is, I'm sure it'd just piss him off.. I just want answers as to why he had to destroy what we had..

[shuttlefish]

quote: Is it common that young guys, 21, would push away someone they love because they get scared?

 

yes it is, I can't say for sure that that is what is going on here but it is a good theory. You've been together 9 months, that is approximately around the time when things either continue or they don't.

[Ebrithil]

If somone truly loved you they would never turn you away and want to spend as much time in your company as they could.

This break is a way to create a distance between you most of the time people do this is so they dont have to go though the unplesant buissness of the break up they just hope after a while you just assume your no longer together as you havent been together for so long.

Its not a nice thing to do nor a nice thing to have to go though but I think some times you have to realise that you shouldnt hold on for to long because you will only upset yourself waiting for somone to come back that never will. I do think that maybe he will regret it afterwards but that doesnt mean you have to allow yourself to cry over him until he does realise this.

An option you have is speak to his friends dont ask them to be spys for you, just ask them their thoughs and what they think you should do, providing you listen with an open mind their advice will be the best you can get.

 

Sorry I dont bring a lot of posotive advice it might just be my state of mind, but I still think ask the friends they will get you your answer.

[FootofGod]

Not just guys, but girls, too. People just start thinking about all the time "the rest of your life" entails and they start dwelling on the long road ahead, living in the past, pretty much doing anything but enjoying the present and where they are. They start getting depressed, get cold feet, start homing in on the things they don't like about you. At this stage, it doesn't matter once they get this far along in their head, and besides subtle hints, you may never know. They're going to start making mental notes of the way you chew, every time you mispronounce a word, and if you're absolutely flawless, they'll despise how flawless you are because nobody should be that flawless. If you ask, they'll probably just say they're stressed or feeling down if they say anything at all. They might feign closeness or just go totally void towards you. It is all them, not you. In your case, he probably reached shutdown point and mentally left without you seeing any of it coming...

 

That's my take on it anyway. There's pretty much nothing you can do but weather your own storm and see what conclusions he comes to, because points like this in people's lives can push them anywhere temporarily, and of course that can lead them anywhere in the long run.