I really like him, but he just got cheated on.

[Kalika]

Hey everyone.

I have this friend I'll call N. He's probably one of my best friends, I would say. We're very close.

 

He dated this girl R for a year and a half and then found out R cheated on him with some random guy. He has broken up with her but they still live together - they are moving out in a few weeks.

 

Anyways .. He went through a lot of depression when they broke up, was having anxiety attacks .. to some extent he is still dealing with this problem but it's not nearly as bad as it was before and he has recognized that she had MAJOR problems and that he could never really have been with her long term or that it would have been a mistake.

 

Anyways, one night a few weeks back he came over like usual but he was grabbing me, kissing me, etc. I got really mad at him and told him to stop using me to make himself feel better. He was very apologetic and felt really bad and promised it wouldn't happen again. Things are back to normal in that regard.

 

He has told me he cares about me a ton and that he values my friendship immensely. I know without a doubt he cares about me, but he's also going around telling people in all seriousness, including his mother, that he will never date again. He's told me before that he has issues right now, and he doesn't want to jump into anything, but that he wants us to go on dates and just see what happens - no sex or anything like that. He makes jokes about what our wedding would be like and says things like, "If I'm not marrying you, then I'm not marrying anybody."

 

Now, he's started therapy to figure out why he was with someone that was so wrong for him, and he's telling his therapist and his mom that he's never going to date ever again, and he sounds very serious.

 

Meanwhile, here I am having feelings for him. I'm not in love with him or anything like that, but we just click together so well and he's the only guy I know that I could see myself with long term. I get sad when he says that he's never going to date again.

 

Not to mention that I was looking at his phone for something (he was right there in front of me, not snooping or anything) and found eHarmony and Match notification emails which were from today and yesterday.

 

So it looks like he just doesn't like me, and I just don't know what to do at this point. He is over here literally every single night. I am lonely without him and would rather be hanging out with him than anyone else and it's starting to impact me negatively.

 

Any thoughts??? I guess I should probably lessen the time spent with him but I really don't want to. I tried that and he could tell something was "wrong" and he was really upset, thinking he was going to lose me, and I was just really upset about it too ...

 

sorry in advance, this was long ..

[Lastchallenge]

Have u asked him if he likes u? Why don't u just ask

him out?

[Kalika]

I haven't because I know he's not ready at all and I want something long term.. I don't want him to come at me in a few months saying he wasn't ready and screwed up by starting something with me.

[Lastchallenge]

That's true.. I was just gonna say he needs time.

I think all u can really do is wait. He will say many different things that he won't mean because it's still fresh in his mind..