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Warning: Lots of fragments and spelling mistakes. Bear with me.


I'm 22 years old male. Fresh out of college and into a 9 to 5. Physically I think I am relatively attractive. I am a bit short at 5'3" but I act like I am the tallest person in the world. I am shy, but I'm at a constant war against my shyness. I'm always trying to push the envelope and doing things outside my comfort zone. I'm a very diverse individual with very unique tastes in things. I try to be a well rounded person who is open to everything. Some might say I am an old soul born in the wrong era. I don't have many friends. Certainly not as many as I'd like to. Or the not the type as I'd like to have. I didn't quite do well socially in college. I know it's supposed to be the best time of your life, but mine was spent studying or at home. I tried to participate as much as I could but the best I could do was make acquaintances.


Biggest problem for me is meeting people and not having the personality others may want. I often tend to attract the older crowd. I have a very soft personality, nice, calm, honest, and determined. It takes people only a minute of talking to me to say "you belong to the 1980s". I was talking to my coworker about what I think of weekends and he tells me "were you a philosophy major"? (I wasn't). I feel like I have a great personality, but it's either not compatible with the majority of people I meet or people just don't see it. Or maybe I don't have such a great personality.


Prior to college I had all these hopes and dreams of meeting all these cool people and doing cool things. Going on road trips, going to the mall, going to the city, all the museums, movies, restaurants, art galleries, concerts, etc. etc. etc. But it hasn't turned out that way. Not even slightly. I end up going to concerts alone because I'd rather go alone than go with someone who doesn't appreciate the music. Music's a big thing for me. I have a very unique and exquisite taste in it. From Classical of Beethoven to the Rock 'n' Roll of Bob Dylan and the melencholy of The Smiths.


Last semester of college, I met this 28 year old girl with whom I had more than a few things in common with. Our love for all things European and the fact that our music tastes eclipsed each other. That to me in itself was something that could only happen once in a blue moon. I immediately fell for her. She was my first. I couldn't help it. To go 4+ years without finding one soul you could connect with, makes it difficult to resist yourself from falling for a person that you could connect with. She showed some interest. Or that's what it felt like. She would suggest going to concerts and stuff. I took her to a U2 concert. She offered to pay but I just told her she could just buy my dinner instead. After that she kept reminding me of that but said that she was way too busy with work and school. I didn't push too much. We only hung out once every three months. The last time we hung out I let her know how I felt and she said she was dating someone else and that maybe we could be friends. Sadly, she didn't feel the same. She thought of me as a friend. I told her no. Being friends would be too difficult for me. I try not to make friends with girls. If there's attraction and we have a connection then it's impossible to be just friends.


Now I'm in a job and it's the same story. Lots of people my age but none what so ever that I feel really connected with. My entire building is full of middle aged men. Not one girl. I am so desperate now I just fall in love with the first girl who smiles at me. My experience with the girl^ has helped me control those feelings though. I feel like I'm in a rut. I goto work, come home, do a bunch of other things off my todo list, watch TV, etc. and goto bed.


So the problem is a lack of meeting people I connect with well. And because of that I haven't been able to make any friends nor have I been able to meen any nice women - women who see what I'm all about and not quickly overlook me. And all of this has resulted into me losing a lot of confidence and feeling very sad lately.


I'm not one of those who just tell you guys all the problem and expect it to be solved. I have done a few things such as joining and leading lots of organizations at work, trying to go out with the few friends I do have, going to the gym, etc. But I'm just not meeting the right people. Bars and clubs aren't really me scene. I don't have too much of a family so I can't meet anyone through them. The few girls that I do know of are getting married and such. I really thought that if I just worked hard and focus on my professional life, it will distract me from my personal life. But it hasn't been that way. My personal life is having a negative effect on my professional life.


I'm a strong individual and I never ever let myself feel sorry for myself. I always keep my head up and never let all the disparities of this world bother me. I try to be patient at all times, hoping and praying for the best. And if something isn't going the way I planned it, then I do something about it. I'm doing something about my problem by posting here.


This is my story.


What should I do?

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I read an articule in Psychology Today about "lucky" people and how and why people are lucky.


It talked about how successful people seemed to be lucky - they had everything going for them and they had the coolest things happen to them - like being invited to those fun road trips you dream of or visiting the coolest places that you mentioned you wanted to go.


The point? It reminds me of what you are saying, sort of. I very highly commend you for mentioning that you are willing to go to a concert alone. Many, MANY, people would not go to a concert alone - they would rather do nothing.


Anyway, the article was stating that people we consider "lucky" are really just open to new experiences and they place themselves very well. Meaning, they meet amazing spouses because they met them at a place of mutual interest, or they get amazing job opportunities because they are in the right place at the right time.


My suggestion based on the magazine article: Continue doing the things you love even if it is with nobody else. Go to concerts, go to museums, go wherever... but remember to keep your eyes open for the opportunities. When you're at a concert, see if there is a group of people (or a solo foxy gal ) close by, and if so, that is the moment you HAVE to overcome your shyness and make a move.


If you follow this advice, you could be considered a "lucky" person - you are in the right place at the right time, but from there, you have to make it happen.


I really hope this helps.


P.S. One more tidbit that is unrelated: Make friends in places that are most in line with your interests. Just an example...If you LOVE to read, approach people in a book store. Rather than get a book and take it home, read it at a coffee shop where others are reading. Do as much as you can that involves your activity and exposure for opportunities to happen.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I agree with nerdyjock, keep doing the things that you love doing. Maybe instead of buying c-ds online, go to the local music store, or hang out at the local bookstore. You might meet someone who has similar interests as you.


Or maybe you could try meeting someone online. I had a similar situation, most of the people that I worked with weren't my age, taken, or someone I wasn't interested in. None of my friends really had anyone to set me up with, or if they did I didn't really have much in common with. I ended setting up a profile on link removed. Definitely helps to be honest on your profile. Like you said you have a passion with music, put that on there. Maybe you'll find someone who'll go to those show's with you!

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