I can't stop worrying and it's ruining my relationship

[wendi]

Me and my boyfriend have been together for about a year and a half, and we live together. All my life I have worried and thought the worst of every situation, however it is extremely bad with our relationship. He has done nothing to me to make me worry, yet I can't stop. He is to the point where he gets frustrated with me very easily because we have had so many arguments about the same thing, my worrying. I always say I will stop and I really do believe I will but then a few days later I do it again, we argue, and nowadays he has been staying mad for longer and longer. I always think back to how we used to be when we first started going out and things were great, then I worry because they're not like that anymore, but they're not like that anymore because of me worrying. I think there is something very wrong with me because lately I have lost my "spirit" and I don't get excited about anything anymore. I am worried he is going to break up with me if I don't stop worrying but I feel like it's uncontrollable and ruining my life. I am going to set up an appointment with a psychiatrist but in the meantime I was wondering if anybody has went through the same thing and if they have any advice. Thanks...

[H20]

Like what so you worry about in the relationshiP?? Anxiety meds might help with this..

[wendi]

Well if he seems to be in a bad mood I worry that it is because of me, even when he says it's not. We have had countless arguments about that. I worry that whatever I am doing isn't making him happy. I worry that he is going to find somebody else/ leave me. We work together and I worry about what the people at work think about us, even though he has told me multiple times that it doesn't matter what people think. I start talking to him and all of a sudden I start asking worryful questions and before I know it I am crying, every time. I know it is not normal to cry so much and I can't stand doing it but I feel like I can't control it, like I can't control my worrying. When he isn't talking to me I worry that he is thinking about breaking up with me or something of the sort. Once I start worrying I get so upset at myself because I told myself I wouldn't. I feel like there's nothing I can do to stop it.

[misssmithviii]

I worry a lot too but what I've been able to do that helps me the most is realize that worrying doesn't change what's happening. If he's in a bad mood because of you but can't tell you - why worry? It doesn't change anything. And so on and so forth.

 

Of course I still worry, but thinking this way keeps me in check. Knowing that if something bad ever happens, then my worrying wouldn't have changed that. If my man leaves me or cheats on me, then HE'S the one in the wrong and I'll be happy to move on to someday find someone who won't.

 

The best way I've controlled my worrying is by not vocalizing it. I know that may sound counter-intuitive, but until you can learn to control how you vocalize it (without panicking and/or keep going) it's better to reserve it for venting to your psychiatrist or best friend - not the object of your worrying. Then when you feel like you can control it better, simply voice your concerns, then leave it at that.

[JusticeLaw9]

Well worrying yourself to death isn't going to do any good for your health. I think you're having some self-esteem issues and they're beginning to tip over into your relationship. Have you tried talking to him about what's troubling you? Somehow I think his reassurance may be a good thing to hear every once in a while.

[catfeeder]

When it comes to changing a bad habit, there's "can't" and "won't" and I wouldn't mix the two up. If someone mattered enough to me and my unhealthy anxiety was affecting the way I relate to him, I'd be in a therapist's office pronto.

 

High anxiety people can learn tools and techniques to change their habitual thinking from professionals who are trained in this stuff, but the first step is to decide that this is your responsibility to manage--not your BF's.