Contact or NC??

[AudreyNicole]

So my bf of 1.5 years and i broke up almost 3 weeks ago. He said he wanted to remain friends and still talk and everything. We did for the first week but the second week i went no contact because it didn't seem he wanted to talk to me. Anyway, this is supposed to be just a "break" (he said he could see us getting back together, we just needed time to fix our problems). So i was wondering if NC or being "friends" would work faster to getting us back together.

 

I'm getting scared since we've been in NC that he's gonna forget about me So i feel like we should talk and hang out and stuff. And i feel too that maybe if we just hang out as friends we could rekindle those old feelings of love (and he wont forget about me, and maybe he'll even miss me). But then i feel like if we can just take time away from each other for awhile, then we could get back together and really restart our relationship from the beginning, like we just met, and we would have time to miss each other.

 

I feel taking the time is the best choice, but I'm just so scared he's going to think I've moved on and decide to move on too. I feel like i need to remind him I'm still here. I just want him to miss me. What to do??

[MalibuOne]

Don't worry. He IS missing you and won't forget you in such a short time. You're right about taking time to be NC. If you're always available to him, he won't be able to comprehend what his life would be like without you in it.

[biggerheart]

If you want to get back together do pay attention that he, and probably you, tink you have problems that need to be solved if the relationship goes forward. Time does not make those go away. It may bury them for a while, but you should address them or they will resurface if you do get back together and seem even more frustrating then. Take the time to think about how the problems could be addressed. If he doesn't want to take the steps, you should be prepared that this may not work out.

[AudreyNicole]

If you want to get back together do pay attention that he, and probably you, tink you have problems that need to be solved if the relationship goes forward. Time does not make those go away. It may bury them for a while, but you should address them or they will resurface if you do get back together and seem even more frustrating then. Take the time to think about how the problems could be addressed. If he doesn't want to take the steps, you should be prepared that this may not work out.

 

Well we both agree that we have problems in our relationship, and they definitly wont go away with just time alone, but a break will definitly help and the thing is we both know exactly how to solve the problems. So I'm hopeful that he will give us the chance to work those out and start again. Ideally he will contact me when he's ready, but I think he's too scared to do that so I'll probably have to initiate "the talk" to get things going. I just am confused about when? I want to give him enough time and space, as well as me. I can honestly say I'm not ready to get back together for another couple of weeks probably. But I'm just so scared he will think I've moved on or gotten over him, and then do the same?? I know i should follow my heart, and my heart says to wait, but I don't want to wait too long and lose him completely. :sad:

[jinxremoving]

Just a word of warning - even if he really misses you (which I'm sure he does) and can't imagine life without you, that's still not guarantee he'll come back. My ex is determined to remain as close to me as possible, claims her life is awful without me in it but makes no indication of wanting me back as she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. The best thing to do is NC and do your best to move on. I can't wait until I'm actually in the position where I can go full NC with my ex and finally 100% move on. If you hang around waiting for him it's only going to prolong the pain.

[Helenlouise]

what are the problems that need solving, you both need to sit down work out how ur going to move forword, if thats together or not and where you go from there, second guessing what he's thinking feeling and doing will drive you crazy

[AudreyNicole]

Just a word of warning - even if he really misses you (which I'm sure he does) and can't imagine life without you, that's still not guarantee he'll come back. My ex is determined to remain as close to me as possible, claims her life is awful without me in it but makes no indication of wanting me back as she doesn't feel the same way about me anymore. The best thing to do is NC and do your best to move on. I can't wait until I'm actually in the position where I can go full NC with my ex and finally 100% move on. If you hang around waiting for him it's only going to prolong the pain.

 

Just wondering, did she break up with you i'm assuming?? And its weird cuz my ex said the same thing that he wants to be really close and still remain good friends, but he's been avoiding me so I don't know what that means. We were at a party of a mutual friend this weekend and he was obviously trying very hard not to make eye contact, or even be around me. I think he might have been uncomfortable and a little anxious/nervous. Also, i really feel like getting back together is possible. Our relationship is really special, we are each others first everythings and have been together since highschool. So I'm hopeful this will work.

[Flint_Wood]

The thought of you moving on is just more motivation for him to get you back into his life. If he doesn't act though, just wait until you are ready and ask for a short get together to test the waters. His response will speak volumes about his feelings toward you, if he says yes then good, if he says no then give him some more time.

[AudreyNicole]

what are the problems that need solving, you both need to sit down work out how ur going to move forword, if thats together or not and where you go from there, second guessing what he's thinking feeling and doing will drive you crazy

 

Well the main problem is that he doesn't know my family. My dad isn't form here and so is extremely strict and complies to the norms of his culture and doesn't really believe in "dating". So ever since we started dating in highschool its been a big secret. We never thought our relationship would grow this much and honestly i wasn't that much in to him in the beginning, so I didn't really think knowing my family would matter. However, now obviously since our relationship has matured and has gotten serious its crucial that he know my family and be a part of my life completely. There's no way I could tell my dad we've been together for 1.5 years, so we both think this is ideal to take a break, and then start over again, "new"; we could go about starting this relationship the right way and tell my family everything from the beginnig. Also things were getting a little stale in the relationship, I guess we finally hit the boredom stage, so this break would also benefit us; we talked about being able to start new and hopefully find those sparks again.

[AudreyNicole]

The thought of you moving on is just more motivation for him to get you back into his life. If he doesn't act though, just wait until you are ready and ask for a short get together to test the waters. His response will speak volumes about his feelings toward you, if he says yes then good, if he says no then give him some more time.

 

Thank you so much! That's exactly what I was thinking of doing. I just don't want to wait so long that we lose each other; but at the same time I'm not ready to get back together. But this really reassured me that my feelings are right. Hopefully he'll contact me.