Boyfriend not opening up about his emotions?

[lalarose]

Hi its been 4 months we are together and we broke up before . He's a really great guy very gentlemen and shows he wants to be with me ( talking about me to his friends, wanting me to meet his family and friends..)because he returned from me breaking up with him. I think its just hard for him to open up and before ( when i broke up with him) i didnt realize. He doesnt show his emotions or talk about really anything because hes afraid. And that makes me sometimes not showing my emotions with him neither even though i really do love him and i know he does too. Even his dad once told me that hes always thinking about me but doesnt show it. Should i give him time or just show more my emotions and letting him know that he can tell me anything?

[misssmithviii]

The best way to make him comfortable with being open is to not pressure him, don't demand it - just be supportive. The less of a "big deal" it becomes, the easier it is.

 

Perhaps he's just not the type to talk about his emotions much, but just show them thru actions - and there's nothing wrong with that. Let him know that it's ok, tell him there's nothing wrong with it and he'll either begin to open up or not - but either way it'll ease some of the strain and "fear" to speak or whatnot.

 

You're on the right track. Just make sure you don't inadvertently pull away just because he's not speaking your love language.

[Ebrithil]

If you are open with him you are willing to make yourself vunerable before him it shows a strong sense of trust and he is more likley to open up to or your more likley to have a closer relationship that way. But if he doesnt open up and tell you everything about himself that doesnt mean its a problem, some people are very secritive or dont like to share their insicurities but you can still tell they care when your with them.

[FathomFear]

What emotions do you want him to display but believe he's not displaying? Can you be specific?

[lalarose]

well its not that i want him to display something its just that i feel that he puts a barrier between us like hes afraid to show his affection and like when he is drunk he will really be after me and kissing me but not really when were just together.

[FathomFear]

well its not that i want him to display something its just that i feel that he puts a barrier between us like hes afraid to show his affection and like when he is drunk he will really be after me and kissing me but not really when were just together.

 

Well, not many people out there behave the same while drunk as they do sober. I'm naturally quite reserved and guarded but that definitely changes when I'm drunk.

 

I think you need to ask yourself whether he's naturally reserved or whether he's only reserved around you. The latter is a red flag, but the former is just a personality trait that's not easily changed.

[Juxtapoz]

i can relate with this all too well. if you really care about him then you'll have the patience to deal with it.

 

if something's bothering him but he won't say it, ask him once. if he says, Yeah I'm fine, but his face says he's not, ask one more time if he's sure. If he still denies it, say, "OK. But if it's not OK, i'm here." done.

if he hesitates when you ask, eluding that yes, something might be wrong, it probably means he wants to tell you but doesn't know how. Ask what's the matter. He says, Nothing. Then you say, Tell me. And wait. There's a chance he might let it out. No matter what it is, stay calm and open.

 

If you want to hear I love you or I need you or all the other emotional stuff we soak up like big tissues, you gotta be patient. He might not say it. But watch his actions. Maybe feed him a cocktail if you're really thirsty for something. Just don't push it and definitely don't expect it.

 

This has been in my life recently and this past weekend we made some pretty vast improvements with communication on his part. Some guys just don't open up about things to people like we do. When he finally did some with me, he just looked flat out relieved, like, Wow i can talk to someone about this. Yeah, duh. It's just so easy for us compared to them.

 

I swear, I'm surprised more men don't have nervous breakdowns.

[lalarose]

Yes well he will say i love you And kiss my hand when im with him but not really show me what he feels and i know that he is inside its just he doesnt show it and its a bit uncomfortable because i feel like im too much in and hes not and i want him to see im there but i dont want him to take advantage or be too vulnerable.. You understand? I just want us to feel comfortable and put a barrier and not be unsure of being too emotional

[Juxtapoz]

yep, i understand. just know that many guys aren't wired that way, and it's going to take a lot more time than 4 months for him to get the hang of being open with you.

i know it's frustrating, but lavish in the fact he can at least say I love you. That's a huge step for some guys, including mine. He only said it once while he was drunk, like he was test driving it or trying on an expensive shoe he couldn't afford to wear.

[lalarose]

Yes, it'll probably take time if before that was the reason why we broke up. And i also know that its his first real serious relationship cause before, it was just games and people tell me that he really changed for me because he was a bad boy before so i cant expect too much right now. And yea, when he's drunk, he's really emotional and told me that im everything for him and that he loves me forever .. but thank you for responding and i hope your relationship goes well!