Ex has found a rebound . . . I feel better now than before

[jimbojones100]

Ex texted me this afternoon after a few weeks of NC. We've been broken up for about 8 weeks now.

 

She beat around the bush for a while, so I could tell something was up. I assumed she had found some new guy. But I made her tell me.

 

She told me today because tomorrow she wanted to bring him to a mutual friend's birthday and wanted to know if I would be OK with that. I told her to off and that I didn't want to see either of them there. Period. I then went on to tell her I didn't want to see her ever again.

 

I then went on a typical rant, before tiring.

 

I actually felt good now. I feel like I can finally move on. I had held out this hope for 8 weeks that maybe she would change her mind, but now that I know what she's been up to, I really don't want the little back.

 

After taking a few hours to digest, I texted her and told her that I have no right to keep her from seeing our mutual friends (whom she only knows because of me, but won't admit it). But I made no mention of Mr. Rebound.

She appreciated the text, and said she wasn't sure if she'd go or not. I'm 99% sure she won't come, which is a win-win for me.

 

I just feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Like I can forget about her. I had been feeling really good the last week, so the timing for this news couldn't have been better. I was tempted to send her a strongly worded, profanity laced email this afternoon, but after some sound advice from a friend, decided not to. I'll give it a week, and then send her some sort of email - the contents of which will depend on my mood. Or maybe I won't even feel like sending one.

 

I know I will eventually have to see the two of them together, but for now, I'm feeling good.

 

I think I handled the situation pretty well. Your thoughts? Critiques?

[courtney06]

Haha nice! (I read your earlier post) and I'm glad you told the idiot off. I typically don't handle situations that way, but if that worked for you so be it. I'm glad you can finally move on!

My ex has been messing with me lately and it's probably because he's found a new GF and wants me to get jealous. Not gonna happen because I can't get jealous over a moron.

[jimbojones100]

Haha nice! (I read your earlier post) and I'm glad you told the idiot off. I typically don't handle situations that way, but if that worked for you so be it. I'm glad you can finally move on!

My ex has been messing with me lately and it's probably because he's found a new GF and wants me to get jealous. Not gonna happen because I can't get jealous over a moron.

 

LOL true true. I know I've said this before, but in your situation, I still think your ex is having regrets breaking up and just wants to see you jealous.

 

It just feels so good to be free from all the BS now, eh?

[Citlali]

Did things end negatively? Did she cheat? Or, at the very least, was she the dumper? That's the only reason I can see for you being so aggressive toward her when she didn't do or say anything here other than move on with her life as you should be doing. She has a right to that, whether you like it or not, and that's doesn't merit calling her names and being aggressive. Unless she has been rubbing it in your face, trying to confuse you, etc., which I don't see here. All she did was try to make sure it wouldn't be awkward. I think you need to really work on yourself. I don't think you feel better. I think you want to think you do, because what you show is anything but feeling better.

 

I also don't get the hate for the new person. Unless that person hurt you, none of what happened between you and your ex is their fault.

[jimbojones100]

No, we ended fine. She was the dumper, but didn't cheat.

 

But to be honest, I think I have every right to feel whatever emotions I need to feel. Do I want to see them holding hands in front of me? Of course I don't, and I don't know who would. If I think seeing them together is going to negatively affect my recovery, I don't think it's wrong to not want them there? Could I have said it in a nicer way? Oh sure, but I don't like bottling things up. I prefer to say what I feel at the time.

 

And really, I don't care what she thinks anymore, nor do I care what Mr. Rebound thinks either.

 

I don't want to sound aggressive towards you, I'm just stating my side of things.

[Citlali]

Of course you have every right to feel whatever you want to feel. I also wouldn't want to see them together if I were you. However, feeling things that are in no way justified by the other person's actions can only hurt YOU. That's why I even said anything. It makes YOU bitter, prevents YOUR healing, etc. I don't expect you will be super happy best friends with her, but you lash out because you have yet to deal with the pain. You may mask that by saying you feel better. I totally understand what you're feeling, and you should deal with it any way that works best for you, but don't lose sight of the facts and of your own healing. It's not about caring what she or he thinks.

[jimbojones100]

Jenn I totally agree. Maybe tomorrow morning I'll feel like total . I don't know. But I guess the point of my post originally was to say that some good can come out of seemingly bad news.

 

If others who have recently broken up were like me, they always knew this day would come, and likely dreaded it like I did. I just want people to know, it isn't necessarily the be all end all we think it will be. It's what you make it.

[Citlali]

I just want people to know, it isn't necessarily the be all end all we think it will be. It's what you make it.

 

This is good to let people know. I know I dreaded it. I nearly died, though. Now I can't believe I cared.

[jimbojones100]

This is good to let people know. I know I dreaded it. I nearly died, though. Now I can't believe I cared.

 

If you don't mind me asking, how did you deal with the news? Did you take the same course of action as you did right after the breakup? Keep yourself busy, etc. or is there a different plan?

[brandnewday47]

Ehh.. there is definitely a difference between suspecting and out and out confirmation of a rebound. Did you guys find out from your ex or someone else?

[jimbojones100]

Ehh.. there is definitely a difference between suspecting and out and out confirmation of a rebound. Did you guys find out from your ex or someone else?

 

I had no idea until my ex told me today. So our mutual friends are good at keeping secrets . . .

[Citlali]

If you don't mind me asking, how did you deal with the news? Did you take the same course of action as you did right after the breakup? Keep yourself busy, etc. or is there a different plan?

 

The plan is to not follow the plan I did at first. I didn't deal with any part of it well at the beginning. It was my first relationship and it lasted 6 years. I was devastated. When I found out he was with the girl he denied liking, but whom I suspected he was cheating with, I just shut down. We had broken up before, but there had been no other relationships with anyone else. I took sleeping pills to fall asleep faster and wake up later, I didn't shower for a week, I cried, I wanted to die, etc. It was only after he messed with my head and emotions that I saw him for what he really was and I finally grew a pair and stopped allowing him to hurt me. After that, I was just like, "WHY did I ever suffer for such a douchebag?" My respects to you for being stronger.

[Lastchallenge]

I had no idea until my ex told me today. So our mutual friends are good at keeping secrets . . .

 

 

 

I wouldn't call those mutual friends... Especially if they met her through u and now the keep her secrets from u...

Ur moving up in life elevate your game n the people u hang out with

[the_dawn]

Hi Jim,

 

when I heard my ex has a guy I was shocked and devastated. It definitely pushes you away from the ex as you don't really understand how they can be with someone so short after the break up. I actually felt even more played as she tried to tell me a week before, but instead mentioned that he asked her out and she said no, because she was too messed up from the break up. Week later she said she was indeed lying to my face and they did go out, she just couldn't tell me the truth as I was so nice to her. Great approach right, especially since it was her who started the subject in the first place.

 

I always wonder, why do they tell anyway? why do they think we should know? to hate them and make it easier for them?

 

the_dawn

[brandnewday47]

I had no idea until my ex told me today. So our mutual friends are good at keeping secrets . . .

 

Sorry to hear this. I found out from a mutual friend recently about it, and from the sounds of it most people that knew both of us are slowly drawing themselves away from her. One of the things that riles me up is how she kept throwing breadcrumbs out months after being with this guy when I didn't even know.

 

It's best for all of us to really know about it though so we can truly get on with life.

[Citlali]

I wouldn't call those mutual friends... Especially if they met her through u and now the keep her secrets from u...

Ur moving up in life elevate your game n the people u hang out with

 

That she met them through him doesn't mean they can't be as good friends to her as they are to him. It also doesn't mean that they have to tell him anything. It's not their place to be discussing their past relationship or her new activities. It's actually better when third parties don't get involved. It just ends up getting messy, people's feelings get hurt, information is communicated improperly, friendships may end, etc.

[jimbojones100]

That she met them through him doesn't mean they can't be as good friends to her as they are to him. It also doesn't mean that they have to tell him anything. It's not their place to be discussing their past relationship or her new activities. It's actually better when third parties don't get involved. It just ends up getting messy, people's feelings get hurt, information is communicated improperly, friendships may end, etc.

 

I agree with both sides of the coin. I don't think my mutual friends "owe" it to me to tell me what's going on. It's not for them to say. But my ex and Rebound have been seeing each other since May. I don't know why the mutual friends wouldn't have said to my ex "ok, you and Rebound have been seeing each other for a while now, I think it's time to tell jimbojones100".

 

I don't like that it was a secret that everyone knew but me. Thankfully, it's not all of our mutual friends, just the girls, and I'm at the point where I"m wondering if I really need to associate with them anymore. They can tell me they are not taking sides, but I know those girls well enough to know that they're going to stick together.

 

I'll see how I feel about them once some time passes before I decide if I want anything to do with them anymore.

[jimbojones100]

Sorry to hear this. I found out from a mutual friend recently about it, and from the sounds of it most people that knew both of us are slowly drawing themselves away from her. One of the things that riles me up is how she kept throwing breadcrumbs out months after being with this guy when I didn't even know.

 

It's best for all of us to really know about it though so we can truly get on with life.

 

This is exactly my thinking. I'm taking this news as the perfect time to move on and totally remove her from my life.

[elle83]

This is exactly my thinking. I'm taking this news as the perfect time to move on and totally remove her from my life.

 

I'm really glad that you have gotten to this point. You deserve a lot better.

[jimbojones100]

I'm really glad that you have gotten to this point. You deserve a lot better.

 

Thank you

 

It's like the turning point for me so far. I just want everyone to know that the turning point will come. You never know when, but when it does, you'll start feeling so much better each day.

 

I guess the key is to hang in there until it does.

[katyg79]

do you think it is better to find out that your ex has a new partner? i found out two days ago that my ex has a new relationship and started it 2 weeks after we split up (we were together 2 years) i was hurt by the fact that he moved on so quickly however on reflection it might be better for me in the long run, i had the hope that one day he would want me back, i guess now i can rule that out and get on with life.

Rather than finding out in a few months time and getting all upset again

[the_dawn]

Hi Katy,

 

it definitely changes your thinking pattern, it pushes you a bit from your ex and suddenly you don't want them back as much as previously, before you found out. Then again I think in most cases, people still want their ex's to return, even though they are with someone else. It might look simple from the outside, you hear 'look, he/she moved on, you should to, there's no hope here', but because of all the feelings, a part of you still wants them back.

 

the_dawn

[luminousone]

Thank you

 

It's like the turning point for me so far. I just want everyone to know that the turning point will come. You never know when, but when it does, you'll start feeling so much better each day.

 

I guess the key is to hang in there until it does.

 

The turning point for me was a few weeks ago when my ex asked me to house sit for him while he took his new gf to Hawaii. And he got so huffy with me when I said no!!

 

I feel free now...Woo hoo!!!!

[jimbojones100]

do you think it is better to find out that your ex has a new partner? i found out two days ago that my ex has a new relationship and started it 2 weeks after we split up (we were together 2 years) i was hurt by the fact that he moved on so quickly however on reflection it might be better for me in the long run, i had the hope that one day he would want me back, i guess now i can rule that out and get on with life.

Rather than finding out in a few months time and getting all upset again

 

It's already been mentioned below your post, but I'll put in my two cents anyway. The day I found out, I was super pissed. The day after, I was also incredibly mad. But after the initial shock, and anger, I began to feel better each day. It's been almost a week since her texts, and today was my best day since we broke up 9 weeks ago. I hardly even thought about her. It feels awesome.