He dumped me and I want him back.

[cassiana]

John and I dated for three wonderful months. We were both very happy. Then impulsively and as a knee jerk reaction to a bad week in the office and an upcoming out of town course he had to do he dumped me. He has M.E and was very worried he would fail this course which he wouldhave done six years earlier if he hadn't spent 2 years housebound with this illness. He dumped me coldly but by the time I walked out on him he felt like a rotter. The following monday he told our mutual friend Anne that he hadn't meant to dump me but just needed space to reflect on the future of our relationship. He never admitted to me how worried he was about the course, I learned that through Anne. She also told me he had had a migraine for two days about a week before he dumped me.He said he would contact me. He sent me two jokey email forwards over the next week and a very impersonal birthday card message. Then he went on his course. It has been over two months since the dumping and I have not contacted, not even replied to his 3 paltry attempts at communication. anne met him at the course (she was up there at a conference, they are in the same profession) and asked had he been in contact with me. He said that he had sent me a card but I hadn't replied. He was very guarded.

The course wasn't as bad as he feared and when it finishes in August he plans to travel for two weeks. He hasn't been with another girl since (though i shudder with fear writing that in case I jinx myself). What should I do?

[Mun]

You should continue with No Contact. He was the one that dumped you, he should make a more direct approach to try and talk to you. He should be the one afraid to lose YOU, since he is the one that left. No contact will help you to sort out your feelings and take a better look at this situation and hopefully make you stronger so that when he does come around you won't be a total emotional mess ( which is usually the case after a break up)

I know you want him back. When a man wants something he goes after it. When he feels "invested" he is not too quick to throw it away. By you not putting yourself out but instead letting him come after you--you are allowing him to invest in this relationship( this goes for any man). If he does not make more of an effort to seek you out, you will know he is not willing to work at this relationship in which case you will know whether you should move on.

Keep doing your own things. Keep living your "full" life. This will help you heal.

Remember what it is you want from a relationship and do not settle for less.

[cassiana]

in a month I Will be in france. I was thinking of sending him a text message saying that I lit a candle for him in Notre Dame to bring him luck in his exams. I thougt that It would show I was out there living as well as being a fairly bland non-threatening message. Also he is more religious than I and likes that sort of thing. Would that blow my no contact? It would be 3months by then?

[Scout]

Re-read Muneca's advice. It's exactly how you should proceed.

[Mun]

Pretend you have forgotten him.. I guarantee it will be more effective

[cassiana]

Thanks, I think you are right. I just worry that he might be afraid to contact me. I was pretty mad when we broke up and as 'im normally very placid it tends to scare the bejaysus out of people. Though some guys go for the emma peel vibe. Hes a bit of a beta male so it might be a turn -on who knows. The problem is I have overanalysed myself into paralysis with the result that 11 wks after the split and I haven't done anything. I will keep that up for the mean time. After that I think a convent. This stuff is worse than my driving test. Thanks for the support.

[cablepowerhour]

Hmm, i would not contact him. If he can dump you coldly and expect you to reply to these very impersonal attempts at communication then your better off without him.

 

If that dosent work for you and you need closure, ask to meet with him, ask him you simply want to know why he did what he did. If he wants to get back together youll know.

[cassiana]

My God it has been eight months, two boyfriends, two trips abroad and I still miss him like crazy. Since august weve emailed each other jokes and he sent me two personal emails. He plans to finish his apprenticeship, travel and then get a job in another city. He has dated nobody since. And he had the cheek to tell my friend that he didn't really mean to dump me, just a break. I'm so angry and so broken-hearted. I'm cutting through men with a swathe but none of them make me feel enything but empty. I tried my best and I lost.

[fantasia2004]

Is he worth it?

[cassiana]

Well I was never do happy with anyone as I was with him. So in that way he is worth it. On the other hand I wonder if through the trials and tribulations of life he would makme my lot harder.

I posted this again as an update really. People often come on here and I just think it would be educational if they told us how it worked out.

I have dated a few guys and hope that I will meet someone else soon that I connect with. Until then I will pine for my ex. I accept that I can do no more. The emails for him are erratic and impersonal. after he didnt reply to one I waited three weeks and sent him a joke. He sent me 3 separate joke emails within an hour. I waited two days to reply and he hasn't replied to that yet and that was 2 weeks ago. I give up. Im still hurt and angry. I have never rung him or even seen him since the break-up. My friend has told me that he hasn't been doing well. That his migraines are back and he seems a bit out of it at work. I get little satisfaction from hearing that everyone thinks he was at his happiest with me because he doesn't realise it.

Thus is life.

I would love if I met someone great this week.