A lifelong friendship?

[lostandscared5]

Sometimes I wonder to myself if a lifelong friendship is possible. I mean think about it, there are so many years to a lifetime and so many changes in a lifetime. People go on and out of your life, some stay longer while others just come and go. How do you know which are your true friends, those who are meant to be your lifelong friends versus those who are not? Is it more likely for a friend as the same gender as you to stay lifelong friends with you versus one of the opposite gender? One who could hurt you? I've been hurt several times by a close friend of mines (one of the opposite gender); all cuz of relationship related issues. Hes hurt me and judged me and yet I am still talking to me. Is this a matter of heart over mind? Is it cuz I kind of like him and want to be more then friends with him? Or do we really share a lifelong long lasting friendship?

[Kinkz]

Technically yes a lifelong friendship is possible, in the sense that not everyone lives a long life, those people who have friends and they are there for them until the last breath, then yes it is possible.

 

I don't think a friend who is there for life is necessarily better/worse than a friend who may be there momentarily. What defines a good friend to me personally is someone who is there for you when you need them and you are there for them when they need you.

 

Anyone can hurt another, its what people do. For the most part though, friends do not hurt each other, whether its a male friend or a female friend. But if the friend is of the opposite gender then it is more likely that complications can get in the way.

 

Do you have deeper feelings for him than just friendly care? Like maybe are there any romantic feelings towards him? If there are then yes, you probably do want to be more than friends.

[RedDress]

A lot of questions, there. LOL!

 

I have a friend who I've been friends with since kindergarden (I'm now 32 - so - 27 years?). I'd have to say 'yes'.

 

The thing is... ALL relationships take work. She and I have lived in 4 combinations of provinces (accross Canada). We have been in different 'stages' in life at different times... We have had arguments (we still can't talk about whose backyard was bigger growing up. The subject is off-limits. LOL!). It's about commitment to the relationship, understanding, giving space when needed, making an effort to keep in touch, forgiveness, letting things go, etc.

 

I also have a male friend who I've been friends with just as long. Same story.

 

True friends are ones that... well... they just love you. They don't care what you are doing for a living, whether you gain or lose weight, if you show up unshowered and wearing sweat pants... they're just... there. They may roll their eyes or shake their head at you - but there is a basic understanding that they love you and nothing else matters. Kind of like family.

 

Of course, basic things have to be there. Loyalty. Trust. Communication. It's really not any different from a romantic relationship, I suppose... you just don't get naked with them. LOL!

 

(BTW - friends AND family will hurt you sometimes. It's just the way things are)

 

You can tell if someone is meant to be in your life forever if... well... you make that effort and they respond. And they make that effort. It just happens.

 

If you want to be more than friends with him, though, that's a little bit of dangerous territory. Are you really being 'unconditionally' loved? Are you really showing him the real you? Or are you just constantly trying to impress him? 'Cause that's unhealthy.

[lostandscared5]

Yes I might have feelings for him and do want to be more than friends with him; however, I have accepted the fact that we can never be together. So in that sense, I think there will always be complications between us, until I learned to move on and let go. As time goes by, I don't mind the fact that I cannot be together with him, what I have come to care about is that we have always try to make an effort to be there for each other through thick and thin.

[lostandscared5]

Yes, I have come to realized that I do want to be more than friends with him; however, I have also come to realize that we could never be together with each other. Sometimes I feel like I am hiding parts of "my real self" from him, but I do that with other people as well.

[catfeeder]

Some lifelong friendships happen in cycles, or chapters, rather than remaining constant. For instance, a cycle of togetherness, a cycle of growing apart, a cycle of reuniting, a cycle of maintaining distance phoning--or not, a cycle of reuniting...

 

Certain relationships can be enduring even when they're only in spirit. This is why I think dramatic endings are ridiculous. If offended, I might allow myself to fade away, but I keep room for the idea that a misunderstanding may have been MINE, and given time I'll see that. Or maybe our timing just isn't in synch right now--or whatever.

 

I've only experienced one reason to write someone off permanently, and that was only after a long history of many cycles where the same unresolvable temper would come out on me and knock me sideways. Some personality traits do NOT change, and I guess it's only smart to recognize when certain relationships are wise to cut.

[SocialStigma]

I think it's possible, though rare, and I agree with catfeeder that it goes through cycles.

 

My mom is still best friends with and keep in touch with her best friends from elementary school by phone and email even though they live literally on opposite sides of the world now (us in Canada, them in Hong Kong). Whenever we go back to Hong Kong, we always meet up with them and they practically helped raised me, they babysitted me as a child so many times. They have almost a 45 year friendship and counting.

 

Personally I've only managed to keep one friendship from elementary school, one of my best guy friends. We met and became friends in grade 3 when we were 8, became best friends and really close in grade 6 when we were 12. Now we're both 20 and he's in Florida for university while I'm still in Canada. We go through cycles of being close and then some time apart but he's always there for me when I need him and vice versa.