Should I do this?? or should i not?

[Astro_Metrix]

hello ENA people!,

 

this is my first post, but before telling you what i am asking if i should do or not. I'll share some of my relationship background with you (haha don't worry, nothing long)

 

 

the break up ocurrs!

you might say it was more leaning towards my fault than hers,

i neglected her and was a pain in the A** towards the end of the relationship.

 

i did the usuall that every love filled human would do...

i pleaded, i begged and i even cried!

(this went on for around 3 weeks)

 

i found my dignity and stopped,

especially because a rebound was in the picture.

 

she came around and started looking for my love again, saying she missed me and even slept with me, i was kinda dumb and still love blinded and let this happen. she was still with the rebound.

(this went around for a month)

 

i went into NIC and near the end i was even starting to ignore her.

(this was around another month)

 

NC for around two weeks then it was broken by her,

saying she couldn't forget me,

i didn't buy into this anymore as she was still with the rebound,

so i told her clearly that i loved her and i wanted a second chance but if she wasn't going to give it to me then i wanted to continue building a new life. without her, she was shocked i guess by how cold i just put it down like that.

 

one or two weeks later she starts seeing me a lot again, coming to my house, one day when we got into a fight she told me she had broken up with her rebound to be with me again,

after this i cooled down and let her know that i loved her and was only acting that way and even a bit rude, because she was with someone else.

 

A month has now passed from the last event,

we have been seeing each other for around a month very often,

(4.5 out of 7 days)

if you didn't know us you could say we are a couple,

we kiss, we hug, we say we love each other,

just like when we were a couple.

 

 

 

the only thing is...

 

we aren't

 

 

and im tired of being stuck in the middle.

its worse than having it all or nothing.

i just don't know where i am going everyday and i wonder,

my wondering leads me to paranoia and acting weird with her sometimes,

 

she still sees her rebound because its her neighbor, so it would be nearly impossible not to see him, she swore to me that she doesn't love him, that she only sees him as a friend.

she says that he is doing everything that is possible to get her back.

she even told me he is kind of obssesed with her, that he will hang out with her family just to see her and go over to her home and even if she ignores him, he'll stay there with her family

 

 

so now what you all have been waiting for!!!

my question as to what i should do in my situation.

i love her and i want to be with her again,

 

 

so i was thinking of confronting her and telling her two things:

 

A) i love her very much, and i am here for her as she knows i am. that i want to know what she thinks about our relationship and that i need to know because it hurts too much to be this way, that i need to be with her or alone. (go back to NC)

i don't want to make her feel bad, its jsut something i need to get off my chest and need to know.

(by this im hoping that if she thinks i'll just be around for her for when ever, she'll see that im not.)

 

B) im not sure if i should bring this up, but she lied to me one day and said she was going some place and then i found out she went out with the rebound guy, i don't care that she saw him or that they went out what hurts most is that she wasnt honest.

 

or maybe i should just see where things go?

honestly, i haven't been showing her how much i love her or anything,

after everything that has happened i always have my shield up so i can be cold with her sometimes.

so, maybe another option could be putting my shield down and risking getting hurt, maybe thats what she needs? to see how much i care, after all that is why she left me.

 

 

 

P.S. any adivice at all would be great

[getbiii]

=)

hellooo

welcome to ENA!

hmmm...

 

sounds like she wants the all cake!

 

have you asked her anything before?

[redherring]

I love your display picture- what is it?

[Astro_Metrix]

jaja thanx!

it is a nightmare,

-Jeff soto

 

 

advice on situation?

[shamr0ck]

I am in a similar situation. My XBF broke up with me and now we hang out all the time, make dinner, cuddle, sleep over's, sex. All I asked was that we take things slow getting back together and date exclusively. He said no! I finally said ok, I am done. I have slipped up at times but I am getting stronger everyday and he is realizing that I am pulling away and doesn't like it. Just stay strong, have faith, have respect for yourself and do what feels right. I just feel like if I stay with this situation, why would he give me more? Why give me the relationship, commitment, and respect when I am not requiring it? If I lose him because of this, then he never loved me anyway! Maybe I am wrong but it feels like the the right decision! Best of Luck to you!

[FootofGod]

Don't bring up (B) because it's none of your business depending on how she answers (A). I think you definitely need to tell her where you stand. Just don't make it sound like an ultimatum - tell her how you feel and what you want, not "you have to do X or Y." Besides that, what you're planning seems to make sense. Don't let her have her cake and eat it, so to follow the ENA cliche wisdom.

[Carus]

...she says that he is doing everything that is possible to get her back.

she even told me he is kind of obssesed with her, that he will hang out with her family just to see her and go over to her home and even if she ignores him, he'll stay there with her family

This will blow out real soon if you back out and let it run its course...

 

In the meantime....

Stay strong. Relax. Have fun. Dont be too available. Be the Man she needs....

 

K2*

[Astro_Metrix]

thannk you you guys! very much help! really... any more advice?

[jimbojones100]

I'd ignore B. You guys aren't "dating", well you are basically, but not officially, so she can see whom she wants.

 

I would definitely ask her what's up though. You have a right to know, and she may be wondering the exact same thing as you.

[Astro_Metrix]

well tomorow i will talk to her, i will let you guys know how it goes, in not sure yet what to say

[hater13]

well tomorow i will talk to her, i will let you guys know how it goes, in not sure yet what to say

 

goodluck with everything

 

be strong astro

[Lastchallenge]

Keep us posted.... I wish this was my scenario

[Astro_Metrix]

thank you guys very much, im kinda nervous i hope i dont ruin it!

i need to show my confidence,

i know she won't say yes lets go out but i know she won't say no,

im almost sure she i going to give me an answer like we yes but not right now or something like that,

 

im also thinking about the words to tell her...

i dont want to make it sound like an ultimatum but i want to tell her how much i love her and tell her how i feel, and that if she doesnt think we should be together then that i dont think i can keep seeing her

[Astro_Metrix]

ok well i talked to her...

i dont know how it went, i told her how i felt and that it hurt to keep seeing her without knowing where i was going,

i also said B) becasue i left some things out, one weekend she said she needed time to be alone, to think about things so she left to las vegas, turns out she left with that guy, i told her i didnt care who she sees or what she does but that it hurt that she lied to me about that,

 

anyways,

i never said anything bad or insulted her but i guess it hurt her and she cried...

 

to be honest i shared some tears but i was silent about it i didnt cry out loud or anything like that,

by the way it ended i thought that was it,

she texted me all last night asking why i love her,

i told her why

i asked her,

we both said that by this point we can't see ourselves without the other.

 

i didnt want to talk to her so i made the excuse that i was going to bed

 

i woke up this morning by a phone call from her, i was sleepy she thought i didnt want to talk so she hung up...

 

she texted me while i fell asleep again and she called sometime later again.

 

i was still asleep so same thing happened,

and she thought i just didnt want to talk,

 

she was acting kinda negative so i told her we should talk some other time plus i was hurt.

 

she kept asking why i was hurt why why why and i didnt want to answer she called and i didnt answer,

 

she then started arguing with me and was upset, saying that she was fed up with everything and that im always like this and that she doesnt see things going anywhere,

 

i just agreed and told her i was sorry and she kept replying

 

last thing she texted me with i just agreed again with her that i was sorry and i told her why i had been acting that why, but that i understood everything and it was okay with me, that i just wanted her to be happy even if it wasn't with me...

 

 

=( i don't know whats gonna happen,

i don't know if she will come back

i feel like i kind of made it an ultimatum,

 

im not that hurt because of everything thats happened and everything shes said i know i will still hear from her but i don't know what to do anymore,

should i go NC?

or what should i do?

 

 

 

p.s.

one of the things she told, i kinda understood that the reason why we still aren't together is because that guy is holding her back, she said that because of her he lost his job and that they are friends, i don't know and i dont care i told her that that was his job and his responsibility not hers...

[jimbojones100]

I dunno man, it sounds like she just wants to hear that you miss her, but doesn't want to actually get back together. It sounds like it's time to go NC and heal. As long as that other guys is in the picture, you're wasting your time, and your time is much more valuable than that.