I don't want to be with anyone....does this mean I am still not over him?

[jazzbarrett]

it's been a few months and even though i understand why we broke up and how things are for the better, i am still unable to find it in me to move on. whenever a guy asks me out, i find myself repulsed by the situation. the thought of dating someone, being with anyone physically, or just even flirting casually with someone, makes me sick to my stomach. is this just my way of protecting myself from dating because it is still too soon or could i still be in love with my ex? we had a bad breakup. i have gone NC for 2.5 months now and do not intend on breaking it. in fact, i will be perfectly happy if i never saw or heard anything about him ever again. why do i feel this way?

[Blue Skittles]

I think it is very respectable that you are not jumping back into the dating scene right away after your break-up. Don't feel bad about your decision. You are just not ready yet. That is perfectly normal. Some people it takes them a year or more before they are ready for another relationship.

 

Just keep taking care of yourself and being who you are. Thats the most important thing. Keep going with your feelings. It'll probably take someone special to ignite that spark in you again, and its going to feel even better when it does happen because you will be over the ex. Good luck!

[digger11]

2.5 months is not very long. I've been apart from my ex for almost a year now. we have contact, multiple times a week (has not helped the 'healing process' but has helped a friendship) I really enjoyed being completely single and not even dating for a while. I am normally a very sexual person and wasn't at all interested in having something casual either.... I think it's normal

[jimmajam]

I'm coming up on 9 months and while I am feeling good I still don't want to be with anyone. Everyone has their own time and it's for the best you don't get with someone else until you're over it.

 

I see a lot of people force themselves to get with someone else and usually it doesn't work out. First, it doesn't work because they aren't over their ex. Another thing I see happen a lot is that they do fall for this new person and it doesn't work out, again because you didn't enter it on a level head, and then they are even more confused than before the second relationship.

 

Stay single until you are over everything and can start fresh with a clear mind.

[jenna-is-here]

Nothing is wrong with you. I dont think 10 weeks is a long time at all to get someone out of your system. I wouldnt put too much pressure on yourself. Just hang with people as friends. Dont even think of anything as anymore if it is making you feel bad. I am only 6 weeks out and I COMPLETELY understand that feeling. The hottest guy could ask me out right now and I would feel sick at the thought of going out with him. I think I still have some attachment issues to work on (I would feel like I am cheating on my ex which my head knows is completely unreasonable).

 

My recommendation is just to go with the flow and not force it. And it is okay you feel that way. Before you know it, someone will strike your fancy and you wont feel that way anymore.

[jazzbarrett]

there are so many emotions....i wish i could start dating just to show him i am over the whole situation and him. not that i hope things get back to him...but to also show myself that i am over the situation, but i know i need to learn how to be alone, also. just sucks to be alone sometimes, to not have anyone to talk to at the end of the day.

[adamt]

took me 6 months to go on a date. felt i had to start making the effort. didnt feel right felt as if i was cheating on my ex but needed to make the effort to get back out there. 2nd girl i went on a date was spot on, shame she didnt want to take it further. been on a couple more with some i liked others i didnt.

 

dont rush in until you feel ready to dip your big toe in. even just find some company with someone from the opposite sex. doesnt have to be anything romantic but can help you move on a little more

[jazzbarrett]

that's the thing, though. i don't even want to hang out with people of the opposite sex. the thought of it, even on a platonic level, scares me and i have stopped contact with a lot of my male friends because i am uncomfortable being around them (granted, a few of them decided to take the initiative and ask me out - which creeped me out even further). i have set a "no boy at my house" rule and i haven't hung out with anyone male alone for months. this is why i think something is wrong with me.

[adamt]

nothing is wrong with you, everyone takes it at their own pace. i've seen people be devastated by a break up, then with someone else within 2 months. you cant be over someone that quick. just forget about the opposite sex and just get out there and do things you enjoy. then one day someone might walk into your life at the time when you least expect it. the more you focus and worry about it the more it will eat you up inside. just go with what you feel comfortable with

[jazzbarrett]

update: i just found an old friend on facebook and he wants to meet up for coffee and hang out. i played it off pretty cool, but, during the same conversation, he brought up us "reconnecting" twice. and i found myself excited. REALLY excited. and i think it was more about the fact that i found it ok to want to hang out with a guy...even if it was a guy who is just an old friend. yay for progress!

[jenna-is-here]

Yay! That gives me hope, it stikes you when you least expect it.

[Brigadoon]

The hottest guy could ask me out right now and I would feel sick at the thought of going out with him. I think I still have some attachment issues to work on (I would feel like I am cheating on my ex which my head knows is completely unreasonable).

 

This is EXACTLY how it was for me up until about three months afterwards.

About a month after the break up my boss was trying to cheer me up and he goes "So Briggo, you're back on the market then?" I actually thought that I was going to vomit at the thought and the poor guy must have seen it in my face because he was mortified lol.

Up until about five months after the break up I kept meeting lovely guys, being really excited about them, doing the whole dating thing... and then suddenly going off them completely. It was like flicking a light switch and I felt so bad about it.

At about five months I got chatting to a guy on Facebook, went into it really slowly and ended up with him for a little bit. He wasn't the first guy I had slept with after my ex; I had slept with one of the first guys from when I started dating again and I had hooked up with another ex a few times but it was different with this guy; there really was a possibility that I could end up getting attached to him and being okay with it.

We ended up not staying together but it was cool and I felt ready to move on. At that point I did still want to be with my ex again but I had also reached the point that if it didn't happen then I'd be fine too.

Now it's all systems go on a guy that I've liked since before my ex and I split up and who I've had a crush on thats been coming and going since a couple of months after we broke up

The way I see it is that you're in a relationship and then you break up.

BUT... as that person is still so much in your head while you're trying to heal you really can only start considering yourself as single when YOU have actually broken up with them ie really started to let go. So when I look back at how it went for me even though we split up in July I was only really single in November lol.

Don't stress it; just be honest with yourself and whoever you might want to see and you'll be fine.

Read a great sig on here: "It'll all be okay in the end....so if it's not okay, it's not the end." -Unknown

Kinda says it all I think?