My boy has seemed to have disappeared..?

[AngelicTears]

I'm new here btw *waves*

 

To make a long story short, I met this guy a little big over a month ago at my cousins party. (I live about 4 hours away from my cousin, so I was just visiting for the weekend.) Anyways, we met, hit it off, and I gave him my number so we could continue to talk after I left. After I left he asked me to be his gf on the 4th day of us talking, and I said ok ( im returning to live with family in a week). We've been together for about a month now and everything has been wonderful..we've talked every night and if he doesnt reply or answer,hes always been good about getting back to me at the next possible moment. About two weeks ago he said he was in love with me, but I told him I felt like it was too soon. We had a long talk and everything was fine. He still tells me he loves me, its just that I havent said it yet, and he's ok with that he just needed reassurance from me that I had feelings, which I do.

 

The last time we talked was Wednesday night. Everything was fine, we said goodnight. The next day I didnt here from him all day. I figured he was at work, so I left it alone until about 10pm and sent him a text. Woke up the next morning, still no reply. He was planning on coming to visit me that day (yesterday) so i called him around noonish, since its a bit of a far drive, and he never answered or called me back. I waited the rest of the day sent him one last text, just to have him call so I know he's ok, and have left it at that.

 

Its now been three days and I still have not heard from him. I began to worry that maybe someone was wrong with him, like maybe he got hurt or something since this is SO unlike him, but I woke up this morning and saw that he had logged onto myspace which confused me even more! I just dont know what to do. I don't want to keep calling and texting him. Even if something was wrong with his phone he could have emailed me.. What do you think is wrong, and what should I do? Help!

[Ebrithil]

Just send him a test messege expressing your concern dont make it over too emotional or frustrated, just ask him if hes ok and reasure him that if hes got somthing on his mind that he can talk to you about it without having to worry.

[AngelicTears]

I did that yesterday. I sent him a message saying " hey babe, havent heard from you,getting a bit worried about you. Just making sure your ok please call me as soon as you can".

[aldridal]

Just saw your post. Sorry this is happening. As a guy who told my gf I'm in love with her before she could reciprocate those feelings, I can maybe relate a little to how he's feeling.

 

Personally, I definitely felt like backing off for a while - which I did. We weren't LDR at the time (school was in session), but I didn't text, call, or anything nearly as much as I had been. It's a big kick in the shorts to be rejected like that. So, likely, he's dealing with it, and is just taking some time for himself.

 

If you haven't heard from him after a few more days, I'd then start to wonder about his commitment level.

 

But you also have to realize, you've been together for a month. Sometimes in the early stages, it is OK to go a period of time without talking. Why he seems to be ignoring you, or why he missed out on visiting? I have no clue. Those are answers that you deserve once he responds. I'm crossing my fingers that it all works out for the best! Maybe he's just super-busy right now, or is dealing with something personal... and since it's in the early stages of your relationship, doesn't want to burden you with it.

[AngelicTears]

Thank you for your advice

 

My whole confusion starts with how differently things went. Even after he told me he loved me ( i told him that once we spent more time with each other I could see myself falling in love with him) he continued for two weeks to communicate with me, saying he wants me forever,loves me, ect ect. If he needed time, I would have totally understood, but I feel like he would have told me before just ignoring me. Question now is...if he doesn't contact me within the next couple of days, do I cut it off? Send another message? I just don't even know...

[aldridal]

Thank you for your advice

 

My whole confusion starts with how differently things went. Even after he told me he loved me ( i told him that once we spent more time with each other I could see myself falling in love with him) he continued for two weeks to communicate with me, saying he wants me forever,loves me, ect ect. If he needed time, I would have totally understood, but I feel like he would have told me before just ignoring me. Question now is...if he doesn't contact me within the next couple of days, do I cut it off? Send another message? I just don't even know...

 

Good point. But... looking on the positive side again, maybe he was putting up a good front for those 2 weeks, but finally just needed some time to himself? Or maybe he was expecting you to reciprocate by now?

 

Best case scenario - you get back in touch with him.

 

Worst case - you move on. Sure it sucks to move on from somebody, but look at it this way... if it turns out he's bailing after professing his love, you could be dodging a huge bullet. IMO, 2 weeks in is WAY too soon to be using the love word, especially in an LDR situation.

[Ebrithil]

Well like aldridal said he is probobly just feeling a bit confused and maybe a little embarised at revealing himself and feeling like he was rejected although we know that wasnt your intention its how most of us would feel.

Id say give him a few more days and if he doesnt reply just send him a text messege saying look Iv tryed to get in contact with you a few times and your not responding to me so I havnt got a clue whats going on you have to talk to me if you want to be with me otherwise I dont know how you feel.

 

Hopfuly asking him to be fair to you will get a responce out of him otherwise you cant be in a n/c relationship.

[AngelicTears]

Thank you guys, your replies have helped!

 

My friends have been telling that hes just not into me, and has decided to ignore me when I really feel it isn't the case...I feel like its something else..so thanks to both of you for some well thought out replies!

 

Anyone else feel free to reply! Haha.

[SocialStigma]

Ah that is my worst nightmare I would go crazy with worry if I didn't hear from my bf in a couple days without any explanation, I've got an overactive imagination and I always fear the worst (car accident, getting mugged, etc). At least you know he is safe and not hurt if he's logged into myspace.

 

Hopefully he will get back to you soon and has some sort of explanation.

[AngelicTears]

I know right

 

I'm glad that I can put my mind to rest about his health/safety... but now it just sucks because I have to wait for him until I can decide what to do...

[doejan]

Hmm...boy does this sound familiar...Ugh

I have been dealing with a similar situation in my LDR. At first his behavior seemed innocent enough but at least in my case, once he saw that I was not pissed off enough to turn my back on him, he realized that he could get away with disappearing from then on.

 

Exact same thing as you....

It started out great. The phone conversations were daily...much fun and passion. Then we would make plans, I would call to confirm said plans on that day of or before and would not hear from him for days after we were supposed to have seen each other. He'd pop up and apologize and give me a reason why he went MIA. This happened several times. Then our phone conversations started to diminish. Before our implosion, we were talking basically once a week for 5-15 minutes per conversation. And this man called himself my boyfriend.

 

Just watch out. I can tell you that it became totally exhausting, trying to compensate for his lack of communication or input in the relationship. Take what is happening as a definite RED FLAG. He knew that you two were scheduled to meet. He's hiding for some reason but that did not include the courtesy of contacting you to cancel your plans beforehand. Watch out.

 

Here are my threads if you're interested in my situation...

 

 

 

 

[AngelicTears]

I read your thread..I'm sorry you had to go through all of that..

 

My situation is just so boggling to me..I mean this relationship isnt supposed to be staying long-term, which is kinda the problem.This guy doesnt even have problems in his life, so he doesnt even have an excuse. Everytime he even went like 4 hours without talking to me he would apologize, so why in the world would he think its ok to go 4 days?

[Ebrithil]

Well you can go out and meet new people be social and if somthing does happen to come up that you would make you happy take it if he still hasnt gotten in contact with you Id say waite at least a month before commiting to a new relationship but as we said earlier you cant be in a N/c relationship so it would be his loss.

 

Just do what makes you happy dont let anyone else influence your happyness.

[AngelicTears]

Thanks you guys

 

He finally replied to an e-mail I sent him. His excuse was that he figured I wouldnt want to talk to him, because he wasn't able to come see me due to "something bad" that happened. I told him that didnt make sense since I had been texting him and calling. I've yet to find out what "happened", but plan to find out later tonight when he said he'd call me after work....

 

We'll seee....

[Gath]

Thanks you guys

 

He finally replied to an e-mail I sent him. His excuse was that he figured I wouldnt want to talk to him, because he wasn't able to come see me due to "something bad" that happened. I told him that didnt make sense since I had been texting him and calling. I've yet to find out what "happened", but plan to find out later tonight when he said he'd call me after work....

 

We'll seee....

 

I know you don't want to hear it, but it sounds like he's making excuses.

[geekgirl4]

I agree with Gath, that was a really bad excuse for him to not contact you again. Be very cautious. Things are moving very fast for you guys, take a step back from all this and look at your relationship from different angles. I don't know any decent guy who would act great and devoted, and then bail for 4 days a month into the relationship. Even if something happened, if you are his GF, then he would AT LEAST let you know whats going on and that he'll contact you when things clear up. Very very thoughtless of him.

[Miss Firecracker]

Thanks you guys

 

He finally replied to an e-mail I sent him. His excuse was that he figured I wouldnt want to talk to him, because he wasn't able to come see me due to "something bad" that happened. I told him that didnt make sense since I had been texting him and calling. I've yet to find out what "happened", but plan to find out later tonight when he said he'd call me after work....

 

We'll seee....

 

If someone cares for you and something "bad" happens, they call you as soon as humanly possible and tell you what that something was.

[AngelicTears]

So he called me last night and we talked about what happened. He said that he was at a party and someone put something in his drink, and that there was so much of it he had to go to the hospital. He claims he doesnt remember anything that happened for the next two days after and when he saw that I hadn't called or text him after the first day he figured I was done with him, and that he felt like he wasnt "good enough" for me anymore ( he knows i dont drink or do drugs). I kept asking him how that was even logical to think, but he says whatever he was on * * * * ed his head up and that he cant explain why he thought that, but that he was starting to feel ok today (the day we were talking).

 

I can't know anything for sure..he talked in detail about the situation ( told me the prescription he was on and what the bottle said, what doctors said, mom kept calling to check up on him ect ect) so it didn't sound like he was making it up...Im definitely going to keep my guard up though until I feel like he is trustworthy again.

 

At least I know that if this happens again ,I'll know what to do.

What a confusing week...

[Miss Firecracker]

He probably isn't good enough for you.