Can't belive i'm here AGAIN

[emma j]

hi all,

Just wanted to create a thread here that i hope i can use as a mini diary. Put my thoughts into. Its now day 3 of the break up but has been 9 days of hell. this thread gives the background in on the last week.

 

This unfortnelty is not the first breakup with him, hence the can't believe i'm here AGAIN. what a fool to believe it would work out this time.

 

Haven't heard from him since thursday morning, I didn't reply. He hasn't even txted to see am i ok. I spoke to his aunt last night. I'm quite close to her. Told her that he ended it. She said did you's have a big argument. I said yes and that i hadn't heard from him in days. she asked when it happened. I said that he ended it last thursday just before my exams, took it back that nght then did it again on thursday. Her reply was do not let him treat you that way. stand up for yourself. I said, you don't know that half of it.

 

currently, i am feeling ok about the actual break up becuase he was abusive to me and i know that i deserved much more and how he treated me wasn't love. However i think i'm greiving more for the loss of his family which i grow to love. his cus said i was her sister and his said even jokingly started calling me his daughter-in-law. Little do they know wha goes on behind closed doors. I just hate the fact that he will more than likely tell them tha everything was my fault. i was this i was that. If they only knew he was bi-polar, unmedicated and i was his verbal, emotional, mental punchbag who's fault it was for everything in our relationship.

 

I hate him, truly, for doing this in the middle of my exams but i also want him to be happy in his own head. That why i'm thinking of speaking to his aunt about him and how he needs help. for his own sake. but i'm unsure as to whether thats the right thing to do. His aunt basically helped bring him up. Even know i just want him to be happy and get himself better.

[DN]

No - it would not be the right thing to do. You are his ex not his analyst and your motives would look far too much like venting revengeful bitterness than genuine concern for him. It would be entirely wrong to speak to his aunt about him in that way.

[Convict7]

I kind of get where you're coming from. My ex has a long long history of lying to everyone. I brought up a while back while we were fighting every day that I thought she should get help for her problem. It was met with huge resistance. She was not only angry at me for saying it but seemed genuinely scared of dealing with it.

 

I know since the breakup she has been telling her family a heavily edited version of the truth. She basically admitted it when we tried to reconcile. She slipped and said something along the lines of, "If my mom knew what I did she probably wouldn't hate you so much." Not exactly, but close. I should have known then that she happily sacrifices me for her image at home.

 

So even if I was to encourage her family to try and get her some help, they've been told things about me that are not true and not been told things about her that explain my bad behavior. Plus they started out not liking me. There is no way I could help through them, she will not speak to me, so I am left out of trying to help her.

 

I guess its not my job to fix her problems anymore. Just like it is not your job to fix your ex either. You can try to mention it to his aunt, but she may chalk it up to breakup talk. Also you should be taking this time to think about you. How have you changed as a person during the relationship? What changes do you like, dislike? You have a chance to improve yourself without being tied to another person. Think about the person you want to be and start moving towards that instead of worrying about who he is. If he comes back, then worry about improving him. For now you are single and it is a chance to make you the best you you have been in a long time.

 

Right now you need people who will give you love and support unconditionally. You need to be able to go through your emotions without worry. In my experience there were a few nights when I was a complete mess. Blubbering like a schoolgirl who skinned her knee. It was good to have family those nights. Whoever you turn to, make sure they have your best interests at heart.

[emma j]

I am shaking shaing shaking. i haven't heard from him since thursday morning, when he ended it. He has just txted me. the reaction my body has gone into is terrible. he thanked me for his bday present that i left for him in his aunt. told me i could kee concert tickets he bought in return. then put a ha ha in. a ha ha.. HELLO you just dumped me and you think its appropiate to for a ha ha laugh into your txt. like nothings happened. then a ttyl(talk to you later) eh i don't think so.

I'm not replying.