yellowjello Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Hey everyone, I have posted here before about my situation: Ex and I decided to be friends, recently he started taking my friendship the wrong way (thinking I was trying to get back together) he got annoyed, backed off, now things of me as a clingy crazy girl and wants nothing to do with me. It's been about a month since all of this happened and I want to write a letter to him. There are various ways I can approach this letter so I was wondering what you think on which is best. The main thesis I am trying to get accross is this: I was not trying to get back together. I was only trying to be friends. He misunderstood. I am sorry if I gave him the wrong impression. Options to start out: 1. Explain my side, say I don't know what I did to give him the wrong impression but I'm sorry if I did anything. 2. Apologize for coming off as clingy (say I understand his frustration etc), then clear up that I was actually only trying to be friends. Should I first empathize with how he feels and apologize for giving him the wrong impression, THEN tell him my real intentions? Should I first say my story, THEN talk about how he misunderstood? Should I explain myself, or will it just look like I'm making excuses.. This is so confusing I'm going crazy. There are so many things I am thinking and feeling and I do not know how to structure this and what order to say it all in or anything. Its just all over the place! Link to comment
rosephase Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 This is so confusing I'm going crazy. There are so many things I am thinking and feeling and I do not know how to structure this and what order to say it all in or anything. Its just all over the place! If this is freaking you out this badly maybe your not ready to be friends with your ex. The best way to look clingy and like you want to get back together with him is to obsess over him and this letter. Here is a better plan: Leave him alone. When he is ready for a friendship with you he'll let you know. Until then the best way to tell him your not trying to get back together with him is to move on and have an active life outside of him. Link to comment
Eternalhope Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 I was not trying to get back together. I was only trying to be friends. He misunderstood. I am sorry if I gave him the wrong impression. Sweety,you can only become friends with ex lovers...........................when you don't truly care about them anymore.Don't try and think there are other ways,cos there ain't.Never try to be friends with those you love.It hurts beyond words.Believe me! Link to comment
rosephase Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Sweety,you can only become friends with ex lovers...........................when you don't truly care about them anymore.Don't try and think there are other ways,cos there ain't.Never try to be friends with those you love.It hurts beyond words.Believe me! I disagree. I think it can be really good and rewarding to be friends with exs. And that you can still care about them deeply. But you have to stop wanting to get back together with them. And to me the OP doesn't sound like she is over him. Otherwise why would she be thinking so hard and freaking out so much trying to find the right words to "prove" to him that they can be friends. When she really is over him she won't need to prove anything. Link to comment
yellowjello Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 I disagree. I think it can be really good and rewarding to be friends with exs. And that you can still care about them deeply. But you have to stop wanting to get back together with them. And to me the OP doesn't sound like she is over him. Otherwise why would she be thinking so hard and freaking out so much trying to find the right words to "prove" to him that they can be friends. When she really is over him she won't need to prove anything. The reason I am freaking out is because he thinks very badly of me right now. I do care what he thinks about me and I don't think its indicative of whether or not I want to get back together. Whether we get back together or not, I do care about him and I'd still care if he has a horrible opinion of me.. Link to comment
FrenchFries Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 If he's calling you clingy and thinks you're obsessed with him, writing him a letter isn't going to help the situation. He might use that letter to make you look even worse. Be careful with this. I would not send. Link to comment
FrenchFries Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Honestly I don't think it'll change his opinion of you anyway. It's been at least a month ago and you're still obsessing over it - this letter may somewhat prove his point AND he says he wants nothing to do with you. I say leave it be. Link to comment
yellowjello Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 If he's calling you clingy and thinks you're obsessed with him, writing him a letter isn't going to help the situation. He might use that letter to make you look even worse. Be careful with this. I would not send. That is true. That's why I'm worried about this as well. However it seems like a catch 22. Why wouldn't it change his opinion of me.... The only reason he has this opinion is because he thinks I was trying to get back together... Before all this happened we were friends and everything was fine. This misunderstanding changed everything. That's why I want to clear it up. I know he said he doesn't want anything to do with me but thats only because he believes all this. Before this happened, he did want to be friends. Link to comment
Eternalhope Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Lovers or friends? It can't be both...........I have never been in love with a friend,and I never want to be a friend with a(n)( ex) lover Link to comment
FrenchFries Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 According to this post you have already tried to explain yourself. He came to this conclusion by listening to other people. Believe me, this letter isn't going to help your situation. He's immature and bitter. Link to comment
yellowjello Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 Yes I did..but other things happened after that which caused it all to come back.. Link to comment
Hell_On_Heels Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 Step back a little and look at this ~ He wanted to be friends. You agreed. He thought you wanted more - why? You're very vague on this. A month has gone by. Has he contacted you? You want to send him a letter. If you do, he will know you've been worrying about it all this time. That IS clingy behavior. He will think he is right. You are only in control of you - you can't control him, no matter how much that hurts. And I know how much it hurts. The best thing you can do is something fun and positive for yourself. If he wants to be friends, he will contact you. If he doesn't, no letter in the world will make a difference. I'm so sorry. Link to comment
yellowjello Posted May 14, 2010 Author Share Posted May 14, 2010 Step back a little and look at this ~ He wanted to be friends. You agreed. He thought you wanted more - why? You're very vague on this. A month has gone by. Has he contacted you? You want to send him a letter. If you do, he will know you've been worrying about it all this time. That IS clingy behavior. He will think he is right. You are only in control of you - you can't control him, no matter how much that hurts. And I know how much it hurts. The best thing you can do is something fun and positive for yourself. If he wants to be friends, he will contact you. If he doesn't, no letter in the world will make a difference. I'm so sorry. But why is worrying about it clingy behaviour? How come just because I care what he thinks of me, it automatically means I'm trying to get back together? Sometimes people do care, even if they are trying to move on. Even if they accept they cannot be together anymore, they still do care.. Link to comment
ToF Posted May 14, 2010 Share Posted May 14, 2010 But why is worrying about it clingy behaviour? How come just because I care what he thinks of me, it automatically means I'm trying to get back together? Sometimes people do care, even if they are trying to move on. Even if they accept they cannot be together anymore, they still do care.. Unfortunately, it doesn't matter what your actual intentions are. What does matter, is how HE perceives your intentions. You WILL come off as clingy if you send him a letter, even if that's not the case. Link to comment
rosephase Posted May 15, 2010 Share Posted May 15, 2010 "clingy" is never good. It doesn't matter if you over him and ONLY want to be friends if you are clingy that is a good way to drive him away. There are post on here all the time asking how to handle clingy friends. So even if you don't want him back (Do you want him back or not? That isn't clear) if you are being an annoying friend he won't want you around. And the only person who gets to decide how what he thinks "annoying" is and have he thinks "clingy" is, is himself. Link to comment
yellowjello Posted May 15, 2010 Author Share Posted May 15, 2010 Please do not tell me not to send the letter. I have made up my mind that I am sending it. I cannot let him keep thinking these things about me. He needs to know the truth. I just wanted to know if you guys can give me some advice on it. If so, I would appreciate it. If not, it is okay.. Link to comment
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