Unlucky...very, very unlucky

[Captain Clutch]

This is getting ridiculous. I haven't been very successful with girls, and ultimately, that falls on me. However, I also feel that I am unlucky in this department, as a lot of unfortunate situations pop up that prevent me from developing further.

 

1.) Freak occurrences. This is probably the most frustrating part of the whole thing. Several times recently, things look good until some fluke event happens and good situations vanish. Earlier this week, I met a cool girl, there was possibly some potential, and I was looking forward to possibly running into her again. That time was supposed to be at a party our mutual friend was throwing yesterday. Lo and behold, she got sick earlier in the day and couldn't go. Considering we graduate in less than a week, things look bleak. This is not the only time an event like this has happened. A couple months ago, I was to meet a girl through a mutual friend. He needed emergency surgery that day, and nothing ever happened. Another time, I was about to call a girl to set up date plans when the power went out (including the nearby cell phone tower). At a party, a girl was all over me, I step out for literally 30 seconds, and she's hooking up with another guy when I get back. There are other examples as well, but this sort of thing happens more often than it should.

 

2.) They like me...but not really. Numerous times over the past couple of months, I meet a girl, make her laugh, seem to connect and she is open to hanging out at some point. These girls who say they would like to hang out I have seen more than once or twice as well. Lately, when I keep my word and follow up, the girl disappears. Now I understand people flake or just try to be nice, but this sequence happens every single time! We will be in the middle of texting or talking, but once I suggest hanging out, she either stops responding or has to go. In fact, this exact scenario has played out three times in the past week. How am I supposed to ever progress if this always happens?

 

3.) My friends don't have to go through this. Most of my buddies have gf's and their relationships are going smoothly. I have experienced flaking and "games" girls like to play. With my friends though, their gf's don't do any of this. There's no flaking, no "games," and everything is dandy. This leads me to believe that girls who do "tests" are borderline interested in a guy or they are just amusing themselves. Even at parties, my friends are at the right place at the right time and get a hook-up while I'm always in the wrong spot. It seems almost too easy for my friends and impossible for me. They don't have much better "game" than me either, if they do at all.

 

As you can tell, I'm more frustrated than anything else, but this is getting crazy. Obviously, it's on me, but I feel I am also extremely unlucky when it comes to girls and dating. My friends, who are not afraid to bluntly state the truth, say I am "cursed" and that I should make a show about this because the situations I end up in are almost unreal. I am doing very well and am confident in all other areas of my life - school, work, physical shape, etc., - but can't succeed here. It is very hard to remain confident when it comes to girls and dating when "something" always happens to destroy and chance I have with a girl.

 

Aside from the usual, "be yourself," "keep your head up high" comments, is there anything you could advise? Is there some sort of "shock treatment" that I can implement in my game to make a breakthrough with girls?

[lovexo]

Just be yourself..eventually the right girl will come along and it will be worth the wait. And you will realize that the other girls didnt work out because it wasnt meant to be, and everything happens for a reason...if you did end up going with one of those girls, it would have stopped you for meeting the right one. Dont play "games" or try to implement new strategies...the only thing that will ever work..now and in the long run, is to be exactly who you are..because if you aren't you will just attract girls that aren't right for you, and your trueself will eventualy come out. Just have faith and dont give up...there is someone out there for you

[savignon]

The something you can do differently is react differently to the circumstances. When the power goes out one day, call the next day instead. When your friend gets sick, wait till he's better and suggest he give you the girl's number so you can meet up with her anyhow. If a girl you're interested in bumping into doesn't show at a party, get her number and give her a call ..."hey, I was hoping to see you last night at so and so's party...how are you?"

The only thing I see that you're doing that's not serving you well is that you believe that outside influences (other people, weather, etc.) can lead you to a dead end rather than believing that they're a little detour and you can get back on track. To me it seems like a matter of confidence. I'm sure you can see in hindsight that the idea "I could have had a date this Saturday if the power hadn't gone out on Wednesday" just doesn't have any logic to it. People manage to hook up with each other despite alllll kinds of circumstances and you're no different.

As for the girls disappearing, not returning calls, not responding to ims/texts/emails, etc....yes, you're right to assume that means they're not interested enough to take the next step. It doesn't mean that they're playing games and that there's anything wrong with what you've done, how you've approached them or anything at all about you. We're not all a good match for each other ...otherwise dating would be much easier and not as painful!

My advice is to take the bull by the horns and more aggresively pursue 'leads' (like friends wanting to hook you up or if you meet someone online or in person). Also, be careful not to start thinking that women play games to amuse themselves. That makes you mistrustful of women and you're also stereotyping them which they can feel a mile away (read: turn-off!)

Cliffnotes: step up your game, take more responsibility for the outcome of things and understand that when a girl isn't feelin' it, it's not a reflection of your character, personality or looks and it doesn't mean they're manipulative gamers.

Best wishes

[Hikapo]

Yo man, I have the same problem. Just keep going...don't ever stop. Reflect on what you did wrong in those situations. Keep improving yourself....don't let them get to you brother!!!!!

 

Regarding why Number 2 keeps happening...

 

1) They like the attention you are giving them

2) They just want a friendly conversation

3) People don't always mean what they say

 

You gotta plow through lots of girls to find one that truly likes you. Good luck bro.

[t3nder_v1ttl3s]

Honestly any girl who hooks up with another guy within seconds of you merely stepping out of the room either took your leaving as a sign of disinterest or wasn’t worth pursuing beyond a one night stand because that is probably all she was looking for anyway. I would have just chalked that up to her not being seriously interested in the first place.

 

Beyond that I feel I can identify with EXACTLY what you are feeling. Every time I seem to be hitting it off with a girl something screws it up. I have been in situations where girls have told me they want to date me and literally will not leave me alone and yet when I try to make a move they end up saying they are not genuinely interested or they simply turn on me and start treating me very badly.

 

If I told you about some of the situations I’ve found myself in you’d probably think I was making it up or no one could be that unlucky. Unfortunately I have come to the conclusion that a lot of women simply like amusing themselves at our expense. They love the idea that they can charm a man into wanting them and making a complete fool out of himself for them.

 

It doesn’t matter that they are going to break his heart, wreck his self esteem and destroy his confidence. They just have to prove that they could have him if they wanted to and more so prove that they can make him want them. It’s ego pure and simple.

 

If a girl really finds you attractive she will allow you to win. If she isn’t allowing you to win then she is not interested beyond allowing you to boost her ego.

 

Unfortunately there is no solution. You can try to learn how to spot the losers who just want to play games. Many of them act the same way. Many of them are very full of themselves, self centered and huge flirts with almost every guy they meet. They feel the world literally revolves around them. They expect to be treated special because they genuinely believe they are. Either they are arrogant or suffer from very low self esteem.

 

This only gets you so far because there are some of them that are great at disguising themselves as a nice person even though they are not. You just have to keep trying until you find a winner or you just give up and stop trying. I’ve pretty much reached the latter.