After 10-11 months of self improvement, constant heartache, I have cut off everything

[JohnTheMan]

I have been going through my breakup for nearly a year now. I have felt suicidal at times. I felt like I didn't want to live without my ex. I loved her for everything she was, is, and wants to be. I'd would have given my life for her happpiness. I never seemed good enough for her, and I always seemed to be fighting problems with myself. The bottom line is she couldn't wait for me, and I did love everything about her. Except 1 simple thing. She betrayed me. I denied the evidence for so long. I cried nightly and begged my higher power for us to have another chance. I accepted she left me for someone else and forgave her. I gave her more and more chances. I believed her. She lied to me again and again and again. I gave her my heart again and again. I preyed for her well being. I sent my love her way. I saw her out of hope. I waited patiently... Finally I had enough, I just saw her for the first time in over 6 months 2 days ago. She told me she wasn't involved anyone. Literally the next day a picture surfaces with a necklace and charm and her aunt asks if its from him. She answers "yes"

 

I sent this 1hr ago and it hurts... i loved her so deeply... with everything i had:

 

So i'm talking to someone today telling them we had met... Shockingly I'm

then informed with undeniable evidence that you indeed lied to/betrayed me

and you STILL have romantic interest with Matt. I gave you dozens of

chances to be honest with me and I did things YOUR way. I have changed my mind, I don't want you to have any part of my life anymore. I am moving

on.

 

 

Day 1. She will never be part of my life again. I am destroyed

[AutumnBorn]

And will be reborn a new man.

[pumpkinmoon]

I'm sorry you are going through this and I am glad you have finally decided to move on. This is the best decision you could have made although you should have made it a long time ago. You have really done yourself an injustice by hanging on and staying in contact with her for this past year.

[wlh22]

JohnTheMan,

I am sorry for what you are going through. I read your other post as well and I also think that the girl is confused and is dragging your heart (knowingly/unknowingly of the effects on you). Give yourself space and time (and learn from the mistakes of others such as us i.e. get hobbies/friends/activities as quickly as possible and try to keep yourself busy initially for sure) and things will get better. Even if it takes time, even if, it will GET BETTER

 

And you will be a REBORN NEW STRONGER man... trust me on this one...

[jogirl]

Reading your post, my heart breaks for you - having gone through that myself, I could actually feel the pain in my chest as I read it. It was years ago for me, but I can still remember the pain like it was yesterday. I literally felt like I was going to die - I always thought the expression "dying of a broken heart" was just that, an expression - but you can actually feel the "pain" in your chest like someone is physically squeezing your heart. It was my first love, and the last time I've EVER given my all to anyone since. I gave this advice to someone else earlier, but am hoping it might help you to - don't let this make you bitter and jaded - I let my experience mark me forever, and I'll never be able to give my whole heart to someone else. Since then, when it comes to men and relationships, I have a wall forged of anger and bitterness so thick, nothing and no one can break it down. It's an understatement to say that what you've been through is painful, and it feels as if you'll never get past it - but, from one survivor to another - the day will come. The day will come when you'll want to get up in the morning, because you have hope that better things are yet to come. The day will come, when going to bed at night won't mean lying awake thinking about how much you love that person, and all the things you've done together - it will mean simply laying your head down on the pillow and falling asleep because your heart and soul are finally at peace. As daunting as it seems to face your future without this person - you can do it, by taking it one day at a time. Don't think about what's going to happen next week, next month, or even a year from now - that just adds to the heartache. I don't have the magic formula on how long it will take - for me it was years, and yes, I realize how pathetic that sounds for me, but each person is different - and in my case we were friends with the same group of people. Kinda hard to escape the heartache, when you keep seeing it daily. But my point was, none of us can tell you how to magically just "get over it" - everyone deals with things differently - and feeling anger, hurt, and even betrayal are all normal emotions, so long as you don't let them be the ONLY emotions you feel. Reaching out to friends and family is really important - just talking about what you're feeling helps to heal, even if only a little bit at a time.

I don't know if this helped - I don't know if I would have listened to anyone else back then, all I knew at the time was pain - but, sometimes it helps just knowing you're not alone.

[JohnTheMan]

i just cant help but feel horrible that my email is going to also destroy her. that she put us in this position by not being honest... i would give the rest of my life to have died without knowing what i now know, its horrible. i was so genuinely happy for once, and before i knew it... gone.

 

i feel like i was the one who ended the relationship with that email even though she was obv seeing someone else and continuing to push me away...

 

was that a harsh email??? i only meant it to be a cutoff...

[Cadence44]

The email wasn't harsh. It was honest and holds her accountable for her actions. There were no insults or low-blows, it just told her how it is and let her know that you've reached a limit and will no longer put up with her games and selfishness. Taking a stand for yourself is a very good thing.

 

Don't worry about the feelings of a person who doesn't even do you the favor of being honest. If she's upset by the email, good! She's put you through so much; this message is tiny in comparison to the hurt she's caused you.

 

John, honestly, you're going to feel better. One day after you've gotten through all the stages of grieving the loss of your relationship, you're going to read all that you've written here and it's going to be clear to you how good this decision was for you.

 

Think about this situation as if it were happening to your very best friend. What advice would you tell him?

[JohnTheMan]

its just that in every other email or goodbye i said "best luck" or "take care of yourself" where here i am blunt and no goodbye.

 

its not that i dont care for her anymore. its that this needs to stop. i hope she understands that. these are the last words ill say to someone i cared so deeply for and they have to be like that.

 

horrible

[RockyRaccoon]

its just that in every other email or goodbye i said "best luck" or "take care of yourself" where here i am blunt and no goodbye.

 

its not that i dont care for her anymore. its that this needs to stop. i hope she understands that. these are the last words ill say to someone i cared so deeply for and they have to be like that.

 

horrible

 

Hey man, **** her. She's done nothing to deserve your kindness. She straight up lied to you, even when you gave her chances to come clean. When i found out my ex lied to me and betrayed me, i just sent a one liner, that's all it takes. You don't need to care about her feelings anymore, they're not your problem. Oh, and just to reiterate, **** her.

[Etoile]

John

 

Please don't feel bad about the wording of your email. I mean considering that your ex has been so dishonest and continues to be so dishonest it shows that she really doesn't care about your feelings. She is only thinking of herself. It's time you should be thinking of yourself. Put yourself first.

[Lastchallenge]

Noooooo! I was afraid that would set u back.... No I'm so sorry to read this...

Pick yourself up man you did the right thing. Keep moving forward and don't look back

[Ashsun87]

"It's not that I don't care, it's just that I can't care, anymore."

 

Hey John. You're doing the right thing and I just wanted to say that I had gone through exactly what you are. I gave my heart to a woman over and over, only to be crushed each time. I want you to know that you can get out of the cycle, you can love again, and you will.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

[jenna-is-here]

You did the right thing. You had no choice. It is like "survival" because you knew your boundries would not tolerate being treated like that. I am proud of you because you knew it would be hard to make that move but you did it because you knew it was the right thing to do. Dont second guess yourself.

 

You deserve someone way better than that. I am glad 6 mos passed befroe you saw her agan because it is almost like you saw he so much more quickly for the person she is. That is not worth anymore of your time or your emotional investment.

[JohnTheMan]

i sure hope so guys... i feel horrible for having to be that way with her.

i tried everything but she just wouldn't get it... I cant help replaying her sobbing when she heard that we wouldnt be in communication anymore, then finally giving her hope and saying we can talk, then again revoking that cause of her lies... AWFUL

 

as i used the metaphor before, i feel like i had to put down old yeller and he just didn't understand. or scream harry from harry hendersons to leave because it was for the best.

 

i prey to god that she knows i love her. that i love her with all my heart and soul, and that someday she can understand why this had to happen. that she can respect my decision. i will prey for her for a very long time. hopefully she is ok.

 

 

[JohnTheMan]

OMG!!! I cant believe she responded to that email with this...

 

 

 

Is she actually emailing me cause she wants to know who ratted her out?!?!?

 

OMG. That is ridiculous!!!

 

Reading this something popped into my head. Should you love someone who thinks your this stupid and treats you like this?