Not sure what she wants... Advice please!

[ineedmony]

First, thanks for reading everyone.

 

I'm trying to avoid getting hurt here. I've recently become romantically involved with someone who's been a friend for the past couple years. I am 28, she is 30. We are both graduate students in a small class that works VERY closely together. The very small group of us spend almost all of our time together, doing deeply personal, artistic work.

 

As I said, recently we've become romantically involved (going on some dates, becoming intimate physically, though we haven't had sex yet). I'm falling very fast for her. Faster, I am pretty sure, than she for me. Because of the close proximity in which we work and the implications our relationship could have not just on us but for the entire group, we're trying to be careful about how we proceed and both being very forthcoming with our feelings and where we stand and where we see the relationship headed.

 

We've only started getting close over the past 3 weeks, but already I've told her that I'm interested in a relationship and that I was falling quickly for her. In response she basically said "Don't fall too fast because I'm truly not sure what I want."

 

She's a fantastic woman and we both, above anything, have a great deal of respect for each other and don't want to damage or friendship and our professional relationship. I fully trust she's not trying to use me or take advantage of me. That said... usually when people say "I'm not sure if I want a relationship right now" ... it simply means "I'm not sure I want a relationship with you."

 

While we do have a lot in common, we also have some pretty distinct differences as well, though as we're getting to know each other more intimately, those differences are seeming less and less (at least to me). I sense her interest in getting to know me and her genuine desire to at least "see" if she wants a relationship with me. BUT, in my gut I sense that there is some criteria for her "dream partner" that I somehow don't live up to.

 

I'm trying to be careful because I don't want to get hurt AND I don't want this to turn into a disastrous situation for the group we're a part of but I am also finding myself crazy about her right now, and as I said, falling really fast. Am I dooming myself here?

 

We're taking things very slowly, but my emotions and imagination are getting ahead of me. Advice?

[SustainNich]

I would be careful what you say and not tell her exactly how you are feeling, especially since you two are not dating (correct??). Personally, unless I was totally falling for them too, I would never say that "I am not sure if I want a relationship right now". You are correct on what that phrase really means. You two do not seem to be on the same page.

 

BUT...some women do play mind games. It could be she is trying to see if you will break down her wall, go further than any other man that she has ever been encounter with. But, only you can really decipher this, with the type of person she is. I would just really watch what you say and feel things out. Be confident.

[ineedmony]

Hm... not sure if she's playing mind games like that. I should probably cool off. Thanks. Any other thoughts?

[SustainNich]

I should probably cool off. Thanks.

 

I think you are right