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should i stay or should i go

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I have been with my fiance for five mostly wonderful years. we had and lost our beautiful daughter 3 years ago. and these past two years he's been drinking to get drunk and when he does get drunk he becomes a royal jerk, he's never hit me, but if words could hit i'd have many a black eye.

we fight over stupid little things. but lately it's been worse.


last tuesday he argued with me over drinking and driving. he fought with me the whole ride home over how he was just fine to drive. i hid the keys from him when we got home because he wanted to drive off. he got in my face and said,"baby, you know i wont lay a hand on you but that doesn't mean i won't hurt them"........he was reffering to my brother and his buddies. they all got into a wrestling match because he was getting forceful. That night i gave him some rules to live by. he either agrees to having only 3 beers when he's out to drink and if he's home he can drink but i get the keys or i leave him.


well last night he went to a buddie's house and had a little too much to drink. he said he wanted to be a good boy and hang around there till he sobered up. i was upset he broke the promise but was willing to let it slide because he was being responsible. well, 5 in the morning rolls around and he wasn't home. i tried to call him.....no answer. i figured he was sleeping so i walked over there to wake him because we needed to take our roomate to work in a couple of hours. i get there and the cars gone. i called his friend and explain he's not home and i saw he wasn't there. he tells me to call the cops so i do. they didn't have him. i call his friend back and he tells me josh took a girl home from there and he went to see if josh was still there. sure enough he was so not only did he break his promise he went to that girls house and broke it again to finish the twelve pack so then he decided to stick around with her. i feel like i can't trust him but we've been through sooooo much and i still love him.


tell me should i stay or should i go?

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I'm not exactly the model person to comment on this, but I wanted to say that I've been with an alcoholic for almost 5 years... It's tough. Though mine doesn't lie, cheat, hook up with other women, etc... it still bothers me that he drinks to the point of obnoxiousness and passing out. I tried leaving him last year (GIGS) and dated someone else, but eventually he and I saw each other after 9 months of LC and I'm back in the rut again... Like you, I do love him, but there's a difference with us, as my guy does not go out leaving me, lying, taking other chicks home, etc... Come to think of it, this post is actually making me appreciate the better things about him.


I can't tell you whether you should stay or go, and you'll hear the same from others... it is up to you. But others will also tell you that you probably don't deserve to be lied to as well. There's a difference between an alcoholic, and a lying, cheating alcoholic. Lucky for me, I love an alcoholic who is otherwise a good man...


Question... Are the things your fiance does drunk, things that he would do sober? How is he sober?

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I am really sorry to hear the news of your daughter. It explains your username, I cannot imagine the pain of such a thing, I have a 4 year old daughter myself and I do not think I could live without her.


The death of a child is probably the toughest thing any couple can try and survive and many, many do not. In this case it sounds like things have become toxic and it is probably the case that the only way either of you have a chance to get some normalacy back in your lives is seperately.


Don't hang on because you think you owe it to him. You may in fact be helping him by taking control of your life again.

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  • 2 months later...

sorry it has taken sooo long to reply. I left him last night. i wont be second best to a bottle.


how is he when he's sober? The most amazing attentive man in the world. always telling me he loves me. Talking me up like the best thing to ever happen him. well guess it doesn't matter anymore. thank you for talking to me......

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