imnotalone Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 ok well my g/f and i are both 14 and have been going out for 10 months now and we deeply love eachother, and i dont care if ne of yall think we are to young, we love eachother.... well the other day i was at her house and we were making out and her mom came up stairs and saw us... now for alot of parents of kids our age this wouldnt b that big of a deal... but her parents are unbelievably strict.... so now shes grounded and i dont think we will b able to do stuff together again ... her mom wont even let us talk on the phone now... she has to sneak the phone up to her room just for us to talk.... she tried talking to her parents about it and tried getting their trust and telling them that things wont go any further then kissing but her parents dont listen at all amd they just yell at her even more, and get even more mad. i guess its just the way her parents were brought up.. but to b going in to 9th grade, and going out for 10 months and they expect us not even to kiss..... its like theyre off floating in their own little land where everybodys perfect and trees are never cut down . i want to call her parents up and yell and them so badly ... but i know that that would only make things worse.... if any body has any ideas as to what either i or her could do or say to her parens that would b greaattllyyy appreciated ~thx~ Link to comment
QTpie87 Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 wow, its ok, don't get so defensive! there is no reason you can't be in love just because of your age. more power to ya! well about the whole kissing thing, no there isn't anything worng with that. i mean people do that right? and just because your 14 doesn't mean you don't want to kiss and defenitally doesn't mean your not a person. what does your parents think about this whole thing? just wondering. or do they know? would they care if you kissed her, well made out, whatever, its all the same to me. maybe have the parents talk to eachother in a nice calm manner, or even write them a letter, or go talk to them yourself, but be a nice gentalmen when you do it, and explain that you are only kissing and you are sorry, you didn't know they would be offended or worried about it. i don't know though. are you her first bf, that may be part of it, they are still protective. when i was dating my first bf, we had been dating for around 7 or 8 months at the time and we were both laying down on the sofa and he was just giving me little kisses, and nothing more, and my mom didn't like us to lay down together, in the living room where everyone could see us not even, lol. well anyway my mom walked in and i remember being so afraid i litterally threw him, well pushed him hard off the sofa and he landed on his freaking head. it was sad, but funny at the same time cause he didn't get hurt. but after he had gone home my mom flipped out on me. but a few months later she didn't mind us just sitting or laying by eachother cause she realized i wasn't doing anymore with him, and she new i was getting older and would have more bfs, its a part of life. but what im trying to say is, after a while they will start to relax a little more and it'll be ok. but it may take a while and they may still be really stricked, just not as much. well if you wanna talk about it then pm me. k. Link to comment
imnotalone Posted June 12, 2004 Author Share Posted June 12, 2004 oo annddd today i found out that her brother and his g/f were alone in my g/fs house in his room with the door closed....my g/fs mom knewww about this and didnt care..thats retarted to know about that and not care but then when she finds out just merely kissing we cant see eachother ne more... who knows what her brother could have been doing.... oo and... shes not really aloud to date until shes 16... but we were still aloud to date kinda... we jsut couldnt do ne hting alone... and when we were caught there were 2 of our friends there.. just to let u know Link to comment
imnotalone Posted June 12, 2004 Author Share Posted June 12, 2004 i guess u could say im her first boyfriend.. i mean shes had like "boyfriends" but its the type were ur young and u just say ur b/f and g/f but u dont even see eachother out of school......so ya i guess u could say im her first.... another reason i think they might b so over protective tho is cuz... the gf that was with her brother... that was his first and hes 16, so they really havent gone thro all the dating stuff and crap like that with their kids Link to comment
QTpie87 Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 well yeah, that might be a big part of the reason. so if you really sit and think about it, what do you think would be the best way to handle this, i'll still help i just want to know what you think you should do? Link to comment
rusty_boi Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 well what i think you should do is give them a cooling off period and not bring it up because when people are angry there really stubborn so leave ot for a week or 2 witht tme then you and your gf approach them toghether and sort it out show what a nice guy you are and talk about it and say how you wouldnt do anything wrong by them or your gf if you need more help pm me aswell and keep me posted Link to comment
Meow18 Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 I think her parents are just being protective. A lot of times (& im not saying you do this), when the daughter is young, parents get worried that the boyfriend will easily be able to pressure the girl into doing things. A lot of times when girls are young they don't know what they want & can be easily pressured into things by guys. I think it might help if you wrote her parents a note. They probably think that since you are a boy, you are pressuring their innocent little girl into doing things with you & they are afraid it might lead to more. I know not all guys only want sex, but to her parents you are the bad guy even if you really aren't. Thats just how parents get with daughters. Thats how my parents were too. In your note, tell them that you have a lot of respect for her & you realize you both are young which is why kissing is all you want to do right now. Just let them know that you arent looking to do anything more with her than just kissing & you respect what your girlfriend wants & if she doesn't want to do something you won't pressure her or anything. Just show her parents that you have self control & you are mature & aren't just looking for sex, you actually care about their daughter. Just be polite & if her parents still don't want anything going on between you two, then you need to respect their choice. I think writing them a note, or even talking to them in person would be the best way to show them that you are a good guy who just cares about their daughter. Just keep in mind that this is their little girl, children are their parent's most prized possesion, of course they are going to be protective especially since she's still young. Link to comment
imnotalone Posted June 12, 2004 Author Share Posted June 12, 2004 so if you really sit and think about it, what do you think would be the best way to handle this, i'll still help i just want to know what you think you should do? well, b4 i posted it on this site i would have just waited things out and waited to see what happened.... but now i think i am deffinately gonna have to talk to her parents in some way..... what do you guys think would b more appropiate? talking on phone, writing letter, or talking in person..... i personally think writing a letter would b best cuz in a letter you cant get nervous and freze up, which i know i probaly would talking to them in person and probaly over the phone too... but give ur opinion plz. o and thx for all the help so far Link to comment
imnotalone Posted June 12, 2004 Author Share Posted June 12, 2004 ok well i decided to go ahead and write a letter.... but now the question is should i hand write it or type it? im guessing ttype it .... to help ur opinion.... my teachers say my writing is nice and pretty and that its thomas jefferson like (ex. declaration of independence type of writing) but alot of people cant read it so thats why im guessing i should probaly type it Link to comment
imnotalone Posted June 12, 2004 Author Share Posted June 12, 2004 June 12, 2004 Dear Mr. and Mrs. ******** The other day Mrs. ******** happened to see ******* and myself kissing in your game room. In doing so I did not mean to go against your wishes in any way, but in good strong relationships, such as your daughters and mine, things usually go to this level in the relationship. I know my limits and I would not go any further then kissing in our relationship, and I know that ******* would not want to either. I now ask for your trust in *******'s and my relationship, and I again promise you that things will not go any further then kissing. If you do not wish for ******* and I to date any more, or kiss, until we are sixteen then I will abide by your wishes, and will wait to date ******* any more until we are both sixteen, if at that point we still want to date each other. Sincerely, **** ******** tell me what u think... i removed all names if ur wondering why there are asterics every where, and also should i send it in mail or deliver it to their house personally? Link to comment
Meow18 Posted June 12, 2004 Share Posted June 12, 2004 I think that note sounds very good. In my opinion I think you should write it instead of type, but its all the same. If you do write it, just make sure that you make it readable, if you need to write slow to do so, then do whatever it takes. The point of this note is to show her parents that you respect their daughther & them as well, which it does. In my opinion, I would add in there somwhere something about how you respect your girlfriend & her choices as well as theirs. Maybe at the very end after the last sentence. As for sending it, I think maybe it would be better to give it to her parents when your girlfriend isn't around. Like does she take lessons, or anythign like that? Maybe when you know she is going to go hang out with some friends you can take it over to her house. I think you should do it while she's not there, just so you can have a reason not to stick around while they read it & it might seem more like this was your own idea & your girlfriend didn't make you or something. Basically though, all that matters is that they get it, so just do whatever you feel most comfortable doing. Link to comment
imnotalone Posted June 15, 2004 Author Share Posted June 15, 2004 wel i added sum stuff to the letter and decided to send it by mail cuz i didnt feel comfrotable taking it over there.... and they should get it tomorrow... so wish me luck! 8) Link to comment
Meow18 Posted June 15, 2004 Share Posted June 15, 2004 Good Luck! That takes a lot of courage to do something like that & I'm very proud. Just remember, whatever happens happens & you have no control over it at this point anymore. You've done all you can do. But think of it this way, if they still don't approve of you & her dating, the world isn't over. Its not like she's moving 2 states away, you'll still have her in your life, even if she's not technically your girlfriend, but things will work out int the end the way they are supposed to. Let us know what happens with it all. I'm anxious to know!! Link to comment
sprkal Posted June 16, 2004 Share Posted June 16, 2004 Sigh, I really hope that your letter sending goes well. Unfortunately, there is a chance it wont. When a girl is 14 years old, some parents deem her too young to be getting 'serious' with boys. her parents are much older than the two of you, they've been through many things that you are yet to go through. Life is fun, but it has its hard parts. Her parents are trying to protect her for as long as they can. Perhaps its her innocence they want to look out for. Perhaps they want her to find herself before she is getting too caught up in a relationship. I'm just trying to shed some light on what they could be thinking. I've been in this situation, my parents were always very strict with me when I was in school, and the only way I could deal with it was to do it their way in the end. You can sneak around, but that doesnt make the basis for a relationship, let alone love. Its hard, and when you're 14, GODDAM its even harder. The letter is good, and I hope that they will be impressed. Keep trying, and act as maturely as you know how. Think everything through carefully before you act. Goodluck. I hope things work out in your favour. Sprkal Link to comment
imnotalone Posted June 17, 2004 Author Share Posted June 17, 2004 ok well i know they got it yesterday cuz my g/f saw it on the counter (she called me when no one was home)... but they havent tried to contact me in any form that i know of yet.. so im waiting... just waiting Link to comment
Spee Posted June 17, 2004 Share Posted June 17, 2004 "but in good strong relationships, such as your daughters and mine, things usually go to this level in the relationship." Do you really think this will be a revelation to her parents? Do you think they were never 14 and kissed? As an adult, I can tell you what they will think of your letter. They will think it is "just precious." They will probably have a good laugh over it -- because they probably did the same thing when they were your age. (They won't be laughing at you -- but at themselves.) If you REALLY want to gain their trust, apologize, stop blaming them and just accept that is the way it is. One day you will have a 14 year old daughter with a boyfriend who kisses her in the game room and calls you "unbelievably strict." Then you will understand -- and laugh at his letter. The mature thing would be to accept and honor their wishes -- and get over it. I wish you all the best. Good luck! Link to comment
Spee Posted June 18, 2004 Share Posted June 18, 2004 As I thought about it, I'm afraid my response was unnecessarily harsh. I'm terribly sorry if it sounded so to you. What I meant to say was "This is not the end of the world. If her parents got that upset, it must have been a really GREAT kiss!!!! Find the humor in the situation and look forward to much love in the future." P.S. If you want to show her parents you respect their boundaries, then respect the fact that their daughter is grounded. That means no more sneaky phone calls! Link to comment
imnotalone Posted June 18, 2004 Author Share Posted June 18, 2004 well i think... after all the letter really did help bcuz she gets ungrounded (from me) today and shes coming over later today.... so thx for everybodys help Link to comment
imnotalone Posted June 18, 2004 Author Share Posted June 18, 2004 btw .... did a mod change name of post? jw Link to comment
Spee Posted June 20, 2004 Share Posted June 20, 2004 I'm glad things worked out for you. Keep us posted. Oh,and do we all get invited to the wedding? ;-) Link to comment
imnotalone Posted June 23, 2004 Author Share Posted June 23, 2004 thx for all the help again... and of course ur all invited to the wedding lol Link to comment
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