Final Letter to ex. Should I post ?

[neverlost]

This is the follow-up to this thread :

 

 

I felt I needed to post a final letter to her to let her know how I feel. She owes me money and never ever brought up the subject.

 

So here goes:

 

[Her Name],

I wanted to clarify a few things. When I sent you an SMS a few days ago, it was because you many times expressed the desire to meet me. I'm leaving in a few days, so I thought it would be civilized to say goodbye to each other and discuss what we have left between us.

 

You could just not reply, or politely say that you preferred not, instead of being a no-show half an hour before we were supposed to meet. Would have been more respectful of me, and in great part, to yourself.

 

Since we didn't met, there's also something I want to finish up with, and it makes me incredibly sad that you never even mentioned it. You told me on IM that you bought a $600 camera, which I'm very happy for you, but if you had the least decency and common sense, you would have remembered that you owe me money.

 

I know that your life is difficult, and I don't intend to ask you to reimburse me, or at least not now, but I feel sorry for you that you lost your sense of integrity so much that you would become a dishonest person. I never would have thought that of you and I think your family and your sister would also be ashamed if they knew the truth about it.

 

I feel sorry Paris made you blow a fuse, and honestly I think you should seek professional help, because your life looks like a wreck as seen from here.

 

Best wishes for the future.

 

--

 

How do you think it sounds ? Should I post it ?

[Mimori]

I wouldn’t actually send the letter. It doesn’t matter what happened between you too, but that letter is instigating a fight that you don’t need to continue. It’s over. Finished. In the past. As hard as it is to do so, try and use the fact you wrote it here as enough to let go. If you need to discuss her about the money, try and be civilized and “respectful” about it, no need to tell her she needs professional help-etc. If you don’t need the money, then let it go. Either way, I don’t see much good from sending the letter.

[neverlost]

I wouldn’t actually send the letter. It doesn’t matter what happened between you too, but that letter is instigating a fight that you don’t need to continue. It’s over. Finished. In the past. As hard as it is to do so, try and use the fact you wrote it here as enough to let go. If you need to discuss her about the money, try and be civilized and “respectful” about it, no need to tell her she needs professional help-etc. If you don’t need the money, then let it go. Either way, I don’t see much good from sending the letter.

 

Hi Mimori,

 

Well actually maybe it's better to edit out the last sentence, but she owes me $2000 which is by no mean a small amount, so I feel the need to mention that.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Do not send that letter. In reading your last thread you didn't even mention the money. If you really wanted that money back you would have made it clear that was the purpose of getting together. So clearly the above letter is not about the money at all, it is about you lashing out. It won't do any good. I would suggest you disappear without a word, just leave. If you really want the money back then simply send her instructions on how to get the money to you..just a simple business-like letter.

[neverlost]

Do not send that letter. In reading your last thread you didn't even mention the money. If you really wanted that money back you would have made it clear that was the purpose of getting together. So clearly the above letter is not about the money at all, it is about you lashing out. It won't do any good. I would suggest you disappear without a word, just leave. If you really want the money back then simply send her instructions on how to get the money to you..just a simple business-like letter.

 

This is a good point. Maybe it's better to just disappear. But I think anyone can understand my frustration and how I felt used in this. Besides, it's not really about money per-se, it's just that I would have appreciated that she mentioned it. I guess some people are bigger than others. Or maybe it's just me and it should be considered normal behavior. I'm a bit confused right now.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Given how the breakup happened it is not too surprising that she is behaving like this. Just take this as a lesson learned. Trying to get her to see how badly she has been behaving is a lost cause. She just won't see it right now. Better to just disappear without looking back.

[HouseKitten]

Don't send it. I agree with CAD, this is about you lashing out rather than you having anything constructive to say. You might feel she's behaved badly but right now anything you say along these lines is going to be seen as malicious and spiteful, not a mature adult request for communication.

 

By all means write letters to get the feelings out, but don't send them. These things almost always say things you'll regret one day.

[neverlost]

Given how the breakup happened it is not too surprising that she is behaving like this. Just take this as a lesson learned. Trying to get her to see how badly she has been behaving is a lost cause. She just won't see it right now. Better to just disappear without looking back.

 

Yes you are right. It's probably the wisest solution. It's just that sometimes, it's so difficult not to feel anger and resentment in these cases. But ultimately I feel this is the best solution, and maybe someday she will understand how she has been. If only for that, it's enough for me.

 

Thanks a lot for clearing my mind a fair bit !

[Brigadoon]

I may be reading too much into this but given the fact that you seem to have posted this in the getting back together section you are definitely too emotionally invested to have any form of contact between you two at the moment.

$2000 is a lot of money but trust me; This situation will settle down and you'll probably get the chance to recoup it in the future. Everyone thinks that they'll never see their ex again but it's pretty unlikely so just relax and focus on you.

[Brownstone322]

You have a point about the money, but I don't think your motivation has anything to do with that. I think it's just an expression of bitterness and anguish.

 

Please don't send that letter. You'll be glad you didn't before too long.

[jettison]

Man, that's really bad. Definitely don't send. "Your life looks like a wreck" followed by a disingenuous "Best wishes for the future". It just reads like someone who is bitter and tired. Basically, this would be a gift for her. She would read it and think "Now I know I made the right decision!!!" It will put her terribly at ease, and not have the intended effect at all.

 

In cases like these, less is more, and nothing is even better then less. It's not immediately satisfying, but you'll thank yourself for your tact much later on.

[neverlost]

I didn't sent it. Thank you all for your replies, it helped me to understand what I was trying to do. And of course I was wrong. But it's a good lesson learned, it makes much more sense now than when I originally wrote it. I'll keep it to myself.

[Brigadoon]

I didn't sent it. Thank you all for your replies, it helped me to understand what I was trying to do. And of course I was wrong. But it's a good lesson learned, it makes much more sense now than when I originally wrote it. I'll keep it to myself.

 

You should give yourself a pat on the back for this; most people here (including me) would have been posting "I sent it and now I wish I hadn't"

And kudos to you for being able to clear your mind enough to give peoples advice a fair hearing. I know i'm woeful at that lol

[neverlost]

It just reads like someone who is bitter and tired. Basically, this would be a gift for her. She would read it and think "Now I know I made the right decision!!!" It will put her terribly at ease, and not have the intended effect at all.

 

I think, as painful as it may be, because I don't just read like someone who is tired and bitter, I actually am, that you're absolutely right. It would be too much of a gift for her. You made a very good point that isn't quite obvious to make.

 

You should give yourself a pat on the back for this; most people here (including me) would have been posting "I sent it and now I wish I hadn't"

And kudos to you for being able to clear your mind enough to give peoples advice a fair hearing. I know i'm woeful at that lol

 

People usually give good advice. And I think that unconsciously didn't really wanted to send this letter. But it was a great outlet to all the frustration I had then. I believe now more than ever that not doing anything and just moving on is the best option in most cases. If the other person wants to come back, she will let us know. Nothing can force that, no matter how much willpower and determination you put into it.

 

Thanks again everyone, this has helped me to understand quite a lot! And it relieved me quite a bit!

[Brigadoon]

...I believe now more than ever that not doing anything and just moving on is the best option in most cases...

 

As Superdave put it "If you don't do anything, you can't screw up"