How to put things right?

[SLBG]

Well im not really sure where to begin.

 

Me and my partner have been together for almost 2yrs now and are expecting out 1st child within the next few month.

 

Since being together we have had our fair share of ups and downs which have taken the toll on our relationship.

 

Its not been an easy time for either of us and it feels like instead of growing stronger together each problem has put a wedge between us.

 

Its hard to believe how much things have changed since we 1st met.

 

I know everyone has a honeymoon period but the chemistry between us felt so genuine and the love we had was like nothing either of us had ever felt.

 

We met at work and became good friends and over time we started to get feeling for each other…

 

However she was married and so things never progressed beyond a friendship…. It was a frustrating situation as she made it clear she was really unhappy in her relationship and had married her husband through peer pressure and guilt.

 

Months passed and arguments would flare up on a weekly basis between her and her husband until he finally decided he wanted a divorce… obviously there is a lot more to the story but I would be here all day If I had to explain it….

 

Anyway…. During her divorce we grew even closer and started seeing each other which felt right at the time.

 

However during the divorce we often rowed about the pace of the proceedings and other issues that seemed to pop up every other week….

 

The divorce put us both under an immense amount of pressure and at one point we thought it would be the end of our relationship….

 

We managed to get through it and because we had been so happy as friends before it all started blamed the fact we had been rowing for the past 3-4months on the divorce…

 

But even though the divorce was over we had become so use to rowing and falling out that our relationship had changed for ever….

 

Over the next few months we tried to put things right but no matter how hard either of us tried it always felt like something would happen or we just couldn’t work things out.

 

Then just as things where at breaking point we found out that my partner was pregnant and that we would be expecting a baby in 9months

 

At 1st it had a massive impact on the way we treated each other and to be fair the arguing and rowing stopped for a couple few weeks, but as a lot of the issues laid unresolved things didn’t take long until we felt we where back at breaking point….

 

Hours of rowing over stupid things, insecurities, jealously….. we have been through them all….

 

We went from being a happy couple to people we both hate…..

 

And now we are brining a baby into this world and we cannot even go a whole day without one of finding a reason to start an argument….

 

Im at breaking point and I really don’t know what else do to.

 

I want my best friend back but she feels so hurt with everything that’s happened its hard to imagine we will ever get the love back we once shared.

 

It hurts to know that so much damage has been done, and instead of us sharing in the happiness of a baby soon to be in our lives we are caught up in everything else that doesn’t really matter or we have no control over.

 

I wish I had the answers…. I wish I could put things right…..

[Shortpants]

I am sorry you find yourself in this situation SLBG. It sounds as if there were stresses in the relationship prior to finding out about the baby, and now withthe added pressure of an unplanned pregnancy, it is just compounding the issue. I want to assure you you DO have control over your situation. You have had more than enough stress on your relationship from the beginning. It is also totally possible that your GF wan't really ready to get into this serious of a relationship so soon after the divorce. Bottom line is that you now have a third person coming into this relationship with the baby and that child is going to have to take top priority, no matter what happens with you and your GF. I suggest seeing a relationship therapist ASAP to work on the issues causing you to argue all the time. You can't work on a problem if you don't know what's causing it. For the sake of the baby, you have to get things sorted out now, not later. Pregnancy causes hormones to be all over the place and I worry it will get worse before it gets better if you don't seek outside help. If things can't be fixed between you two, then you need to be prepared to be mature enough to work well enouhh together to find a co-parenting plan to best support the child. There is no reason you can't work ont he relationship and see if it can be fixed and you can become a family together.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world, and remember you now have a son or daughter that will need your love an support, you both need to work on getting a stable support system in place for then the baby arrives. Take care and stay strong.