Back to anti-depressants after four years?

[pinecone]

I'm having a rough time. Some days are ok, but others, like today, are awful. I wake uup thinking that there is no point being alive; I'm not suicidal, so to speak, I have too many people who are relying on me - but the idea never really goes away. It's just a constant drip drip drip of 'what do I actually have to hope and live for'. Me and my long term boyfriend broke up 6 months ago, and if anything it's now worse. I think it's kind of just really sunk in.. before with his support I could keep my head above water. I'm in the middle of training to be a mental health nurse, it's really hard working in that environment feeling this way (although at work I do feel better, it gives me perspective). I've had five therapists, one being cognitive behavioural therapy, and I've already been on anti-depressants with limited success, it's like, they stop you from wanting to hang yourself but they make life less colourful and worth living. It's a trade off.

 

I don't know what I expect to achieve by posting here really, because I know the medication on offer, and I've really tried therapy, going out and getting involved with things.. nothing seems to work. I think I just wanted to say that. It's been nine years. I do not think I will ever get better.

[lavenderdove]

Have you stopped your therapy/medication? Sometimes it is no quick fix, but you need to continue to get treatment until the right medication is found.

 

And perhaps being a mental health nurse is too stressful an occupation for someone who suffers from chronic depression herself. Can you find another program that is more uplifting/less stressful? Not everyone is suited to work in certain occupations that are very stressful and/or depressing.

[rikka]

I just had to go back on anti-depressants after being off of them. I was reluctant to do so, but I was recognizing that things were getting out of control for me. So, I can understand your hesitation. I did switch the type of medication I was on. I switched from Paxil to Celexa. Maybe it is "mental" but I think there is a difference for me. My doctor and I are not planning on this being long term, we just want to get me stabilized. It has been 2 months, but I have noticed a great difference (and so have those closest to me).

 

I can understand the impact of ending the relationship. I ended a long term relationship a little while ago. He was a great stabilizing force in my life and was able to "talk me down" when I was in certain states. I miss that I don't have him there regularly. But we did part on good terms, so I was lucky that I was able to call him during the worst moments and he was willing to help.

 

Are you still in therapy? I have found that talk therapy does a lot of good for me. I wish you all the luck, I know you are in a hard place right now.