Question about Eharmony...

[ladyjane83]

This might just be me being stupid but is there a way to actually search and browse through the people on there myself of am I limited to the daily matches that they send me?? I keep being sent matches but I would rather have a look through the people myself...cant find a way to do that though.

[newwave]

I never had a subscription there but have heard you can't search. I had a friend who had a membership and she complained about this because they were sending her matches opposite of what she wanted.

[Sonicxman]

Try Plentyoffish, it's free and you can browse through people.

[ladyjane83]

Yeah I tried plenty of fish...still am trying. I joined Eharmony though for a bit of a change..but it has really annoyed me. It means there may be people on there I would be interested in getting to know, even if we arent a complete "match" but I cant find these people. Instead I'm stuck with the people that they think are 'best' for me?? (which so far hasnt been that impressive). Biggest waste of money.

[Sonicxman]

Yea, right now I live in a remote area so the selections even through eharmony, didnt seem to be people that were actually my matches. Like it was, this is what we have for you "like it or leave it".

[newwave]

I wasn't impressed by Plenty of Fish. A few seemed decent, but the rest seemed bitter. In my profile I stated what I was looking for (guys without kids looking for a possible friendship or relationship) and got these guys calling me names because I wouldn't give them a chance. I was polite when a guy with kids contacted me and told him we could meet but not date since I am not interested in guys with kids. I also had many guys looking for sex too. Also had a few guys who mentioned very bizarre things (one guy asked me to come over and play video games). I ended up deleting my profile.

[annie24]

no, you can't really 'search' through the members there.

 

eharmony (at least the last time i did it) has a 'flexible match' option, where they give you some members who aren't exactly what you ask for (ie, they are a few years older or younger than your age range, or they live a bit farther away) but you have other compatibility aspects with them. if you think that the guys are way different, i recommend calling eharmony support. they have been nice and friendly anytime i've had complaints.

 

of the online sites i used, i liked eharmony a lot. yes, you have less to choose from than match, but i had more relationships come out of eharmony than any other site. i noticed that in general (not 100%) but the guys seemed more serious about finding a relationship. again, that's just in comparison to other sites, like POF or Ok cupid.

[Sonicxman]

Yea, I had a guy contact me on POF through this girls profile and that he wanted me come over to their house and be with his girl, weirdoooooooooo. lol.

[newwave]

I remember someone telling me that eHarmony was the best for finding a marriage (most members apparently are marriage minded), Match was both marriage but also some hookups, and the free sites were majority hookups (as in sexual hookups). I suspect that is true to some extent.

[Shallow]

I remember someone telling me that eHarmony was the best for finding a marriage (most members apparently are marriage minded)

 

I'd have a hard time letting some algorithm pick people for me though, as I have a hard enough time doing that myself.

 

I guess that just confirms that I'm too picky.

[ladyjane83]

Yeah I have tried POF and other paid sites and I get the impression that the people on paid sites are more serious about meeting someone...hence they are paying for it. Im yet to talk to anyone on POF who doesnt seem to just be after a hook up.

Im actually really annoyed with eharmony then if there is no way of searching through people. Its like "we know what is best for you". If I saw someone on there who I thought was interesting I would be willing to overlook the fact that they may not be a perfect match...but I wont beable to find them!

[pl3asehelp]

No. You searching yourself is totally the opposite of what eHarmony is. They match you. If you are getting bad matches, go back and re-do your profile or answer the questions again and take more time while doing it. It should take you at least a whole day if you put the thought into it you need to to really get something out of it.

[citymouse]

I agree with Pl3asehelp. The whole point of E-harmony is that you are being matched based on your compatibility, the screening is being done for you. They send you the matches and then you can "go shopping" and pick the matches you like best, knowing that you will have a higher statistical probability of clicking with one of them than some random guy on Match or POF.

 

I found the E-harmony profile questions to be quite a pain. It took me days to get through it all because I had no patience for the endless psychological questions. I'm glad I didn't rush through it or just click through. I took my time and the first guy I was matched with ended up being the one who's my boyfriend for four months now. We are so compatible it is almost spooky at times. And as we keep talking, we are finding more crazy coincidences where our paths crossed through the years. Today I found out that he and I used to grocery shop at the exact same store for like six years. All those shopping trips, week after week, year after year, yet it took E-harmony to bring us together. Lol.

 

God forbid, if something were to happen to us and we parted ways, I would go straight back to E-harmony and not waste one minute on Match or POF. But I don't think it will come to that. Things are getting more serious and we're having so much fun.

[newwave]

Maybe I should reconsider eHarmony. Your boyfriend sounds terrific. I had a terrible time on Match and POF (though on POF I wasn't serious).

[citymouse]

I have only good things to say about E-harmony. I was so skeptical before. Even when I did the profile and joined, I was thinking the whole time, "this will never work" and that maybe at best I would meet a few nice new people or at least go on a date once in a while instead of spending every Friday night at home in pajamas with a take-out pizza. Lol.

 

And now here I am with all of my old preconceived notions being thrown out the window. I thank my lucky stars every day for this wonderful man. A lot of my old fears and insecurities are melting away and I have this growing feeling that this is it. Finally....

 

The funny thing is that neither one of us has been married before, neither of us has kids. (I was mistaken when we first started dating, I thought he was divorced from many years ago but I was wrong). What are the odds of a woman age 48, man age 51 meeting each other at midlife under those circumstances? We have been having a ball since the very first date.

 

I know the OP is frustrated when she says "it's like they're saying they know what's best for you." But from my experience -- they kind of do know what's best. They sure did in my case.

 

On a side note, I have heard that E-harmony has the best results in large cities and metropolitan areas where there is a larger selection of potential matches. I am in a large city -- maybe that had something to do with it.

[marshmlofluff]

I can confirm what citymouse says; I live in a rural area and E-Harmony is terrible out here.

 

I actually thought PoF was icky--and to a large extent, it is. But around here it is the most popular of the sites, and therefore there are a few good men out there in the muck. To my astonishment, I met my BF on PoF of all places, within a week of signing up--although he didn't become my BF for a few months after. I asked him how he found me, and he said he did a search on all women educated to the Masters degree or higher level within 500 miles. I think possibly PoF makes searches like that easier?

[Fudgie]

I tried eHarmony and didn't like it AT ALL simply because I can't search.

 

If you have specific criteria for a guy and if he doesn't make it, it's a deal breaker...then eharmony may not be right for you.

 

I was looking for a guy who is 1) older 2) doesn't have nor WANTS kids and 3) no smoking, drinking, blah blah

 

I kept getting matched up with "family men" in their 20s who were looking to start a brood.

Yeah "real compatibility" there. I immediately deleted my profile.

[annie24]

I tried eHarmony and didn't like it AT ALL simply because I can't search.

 

If you have specific criteria for a guy and if he doesn't make it, it's a deal breaker...then eharmony may not be right for you.

 

I was looking for a guy who is 1) older 2) doesn't have nor WANTS kids and 3) no smoking, drinking, blah blah

 

I kept getting matched up with "family men" in their 20s who were looking to start a brood.

Yeah "real compatibility" there. I immediately deleted my profile.

 

did you change the age range of your desired man to the default made by eharmony? for example, if you are 24, eharmony will typically match you up with men 22-31. but you can change those preferences.

[newwave]

You have sold me on eHarmony. Luckily, I live near a large city so for me it would probably work. I think it's great you found him and gives me hope I can find my own never married 40something guy.

[newwave]

I tried eHarmony and didn't like it AT ALL simply because I can't search.

 

If you have specific criteria for a guy and if he doesn't make it, it's a deal breaker...then eharmony may not be right for you.

 

I was looking for a guy who is 1) older 2) doesn't have nor WANTS kids and 3) no smoking, drinking, blah blah

 

I kept getting matched up with "family men" in their 20s who were looking to start a brood.

Yeah "real compatibility" there. I immediately deleted my profile.

 

I had that issue on Match. I stressed I was looking for never married guys without kids, but open to the possibility (this was many years ago). The majority of the guys I found were guys with kids. If I do the online thing again I will look strictly for guys without kids or never married (especially no kids) but want kids. When I was searching for free there were many guys who fit my description so I suspect eHarmony will be the same.

[citymouse]

You have sold me on eHarmony. Luckily, I live near a large city so for me it would probably work. I think it's great you found him and gives me hope I can find my own never married 40something guy.

 

Don't give up, NewWave. Keep the faith.

 

I had given up almost all hope. I had been burned and disappointed so many times, over and over, that I was beginning to think I was jinxed.

 

I had low to nonexistent expectations when I tried the online dating experiment back in December. My expectations were: maybe I can go on a few coffee dates. Maybe I can get out there and try something new instead of sitting home all the time.

 

They are out there, you just have to put yourself out into the stream of things and trust the process. This has been a huge revelation for me... I know painfully well how it feels to wonder if there is anyone left (lol). I am older than you by about 10 years I think, plus I have a weight problem I'm dealing with ... I used to think that guys in my age group only wanted the 20- and 30-something Barbies. What I learned is that while there may be some truth in those generalizations and stereotypes, in the end it doesn't matter. All you need is one nice guy.

 

If I can do it with all of my issues and baggage, I know you can. Go for it!

 

 

And P.S. I would like to add that yes, you can edit your E-harmony preferences so that you won't be matched with guys who are out of your preferred age range or whatever.

 

If there is something that you are dead set on looking for (or avoiding), you can spell that out in detail in your preferences and your matches will reflect that.

[marshmlofluff]

If there is something that you are dead set on looking for (or avoiding), you can spell that out in detail in your preferences and your matches will reflect that.

 

Yes--and by the way, on PoF, etc. I have often had at the end of my profiles something like "PS--I am never married, no kids, and a college graduate; I think I would be most compatible with someone at the same stage of life as I am." Sometimes people with kids, etc. wrote me anyway, but I never got a single overtly hostile comment.

[newwave]

Very true. I suspect that even if someone was very specific (say a certain height, weight, age, etc) they could get exactly what they wanted on an online dating site. I know there are never married 40something (and older) guys out there, I just have to look. I created a free profile on Match (just for lurking) and was pleasantly surprised by the guys who were never married, no kids, and around 40. Most were decent looking guys, many were professional (likely why they are still single and not a bad thing) and guys near me. Most of the guys were looking around their age range and most wanted kids and marriage. Kind of gave me hope, though right now I'm not going to do it (moneywise). All I need is one decent guy and I'm sure I can find him. I am going to try eHarmony once fall comes and my money situation is better (maybe sooner).

[pl3asehelp]

I met my now wife on eHarmony. I had been registered for a couple weeks, and I came up in her first set of matches. We're now expecting our second child.

 

One thing I can think of to comment on is the geographic area. I (and my wife did too) think that you really need to open your area up if you really want to find 'the one'. I mean really, what are the chances the one person out there perfect for you also happens to live right near you. Sure, you can probably find someone local, but I why not shoot for the stars and really look for that perfect person. We both lived in big cities, so our dating pool was pretty huge, but we chose to make it even bigger by opening ourselves up to the whole county. You'll have to do some long distance for a while, but if you find the right person, it won't be a big deal.

 

And what's so bad about a 40 something guy having never been married? I mean, I'm sure they exist, but they're probably rare and I bet sometimes for good reason. A person can be divorced by having made only the mistake of trusting the wrong person.

[newwave]

Actually over 40 guys never married aren't all that rare, especially if you live in a large area. Many are single simply because they never met the right person. As for divorced sure some made the mistake of marrying the wrong person, but I would bet that's a small percentage. Many others got divorced for reasons like they cheated, they were chauvinist, they were awful husbands, and many other reasons. I dated several divorced guys and they had more baggage tan any of the never married guys (plus none of them wanted to marry again).