AlwaysUsed Posted May 8, 2010 Share Posted May 8, 2010 Hi Everyone Just seeking some advice or opinions of what you would do in this situation, it is hard to puit it all accross in written words but I will do my best and any questions ask away. I have been friends with this girl for about 10 years, we have always got on and there is no more to the relationship than friendship, we always said we saw each other as like family... I have described her as like a big sister and we just lookm out for each other and are there for each other and have been for years. Here is the problem... My friend got married a couple of years ago and moved away from the local area, we stayed in touch but did lose contact for a brief period, which was sad but as far as I was concerned she was happy and thats all I ever wanted for my friend after she had gone through some ups and downs. One day we were talking over the phone and she started crying and told me that her husband had been beating her up and basicvally abusing her, I was so angry inside but we just talked for a long time and I told her she should seek some support but she insisted she felt comfortable talking to me so I told her if she ever needed me or wanted to talk to call me and believe me spoke a lot over the next few months but I care about my friend a lot and I always encouraged to call me whether it be in the middle of the night. She stayed with the guy and although I felt she deserved better I supported my friends decision and always made myself available if she needed support as I always had. Things didn't get better for her, with the added stress that she feel pregnant a few months later too. I think at this time she maybe had some frustration because she looked into the possibility of abortion, I went with her as support as I knew she was not really serious and that I could have spoke to her about it more and let her know she would never have been alone and not to do anything she would regret. It didn't come to that as she come to what I feel was the right decision on her own anyway and I just let her know that I would support her anyway I could. So things continued as they were, when she was about 4 or 5 months pregnant he beat her up again. At the point I told her for the safety of herself and the children she needs to get away from him but she ultimately didn't because being pregnant she felt she couldn't as she wanted her baby to have a mum and dad, which is understanable to a certain extent but not something I totally agreed with because of what he was doing to her. At about 5 or 6 months pregnant, he left her. She had to for the most part support herself financially and then it become clear he had not paid any bills for a long time or minimum and she was in big debt too. At this point she was coming back to the local area every weekend and i would meet her at and travel back to the train station with her when she went home so she had someone with her, we would spend time together just talking and I would just do my best to make her weekends as easy as I could for her by being there, doing the little things like getting dinner, making tea and just be generally supportive, basically I was a man and done what her husband should have done after getting someone pregnant. Meanwhile her husband was actively looking for another partner on dating sites, etc. I remember going to visit her where she had moved to and she was in tears and I could see for myself in her own home what he had done to her, it broke my heart to see her in the situation she was in but I promised e would sort out things. I become her tower of strength and we would either be with each other or on the phone for the majority of the time, most often than not she would be in tears, it took over my life to a certain degree but she was my best friend and I cared about her a great deal, as I said before she was like family to me. That is the brief version of events but here is the problem part and the bit I need advice over. She suddenly stopped talking to me and will not answer my phone calls, emails, text messages or anything, it has hurt me a great deal as she was my best friend and I loved her like a family member. It has been six months since she spoke to me and I don't know what else I can do, she had the baby and it hurt a lot that I supported her throughout the entire pregnancy and she didn't even let me know she had the baby, I think I deserved that at least. I really feel I deserve more respect, we have mutual friends that have expressed to me that she claimed I was only supporting her so I could use it and hold it against her. That would not even cross my mind and I think she knows as much as I do that just isn't true and it was because I cared. I then heard she is thinking of getting back with the husband and it is a condition of his that she don't speak to me ever again. I have tried constantly to ask her to just meet and talk to me for if only a few mins but she doesn't reply. I am at the point now where at six months I have had enough and it is now or never for our friendship. Here are my options as I see them... 1. Walk away and never look back, sometimes I feel like that but it is easier said than done but I am close and once I do give up there is no come back. 2. Writing to her about this condition thing I have heard about, my feeling is because I do genuinely care I would actually happily step aside and keep a distance if it meant she was happy as thats all I want for her but I would expect her to be honest and talk to me about that first and I would see what happens and make it clear to her that if she ever needed me I would be on the sidelines waiting. I know he hasn't changed and it is just a matter of time before history repeats itself but if she doesn't talk to me and then calls me when things go wrong then I have to ignore it, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me. However I need to also give a time limit for her to speak to me by because she is not been fair to me and has been very hurtful in some of her actions so with a deadline a chapter can be closed. 3. I just go to her house unannounced and give her no choice but to speak to me, I wouldn't want to do that as it is disrespectful but hey she has shown me none. 4. What would you do? I know it is hard to understand fully but I have tried my best to give a background. Link to comment
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