Rejection for 6 years has gotten to me

[rusty_boi]

There is a girl i work with who i have a real strong emotional connection with, She is about 5 years older than me, we both find each other attractive the only problem is she has a bf who works with us and our friendship had to be scaled back because he was getting jealous. Despite my best efforts i fell for her...hard (ive never liked anyone this much before), i couldnt stop how much i liked her. Im sure she was at least a bit interested in me too.

 

Well her transfer got approved last week and she is moving about 9 hours away to another police station and im crushed. I guess im more dissapointed because ive never had a connection like that with a girl before and im never going to get a chance to tell her how i feel. Normally this would be the perfect situation for fate to intervene in the future and for us to bump into each other or something, but when it comes to my love life, well fate will not even give me any remote help or luck.

 

She keeps telling me she wants me to go to her farewell and i told her only if she promises to visit, She said of course (I highly doubt it in reality).

 

I have periods in the day where the pain is not there and other times when i cant handle it.

 

Now inside me something has snapped and im feeling really depressed, sad, worthless and frustrated. Its because of the above situation along side this one. Im 21 a virgin, my last 2 gfs were when i was 15 and both left me for another guy, for the last 6 years i have been rejected countless times, or the girl is with someone, the girls i do manage to go out on dates with end up going cold on me (the furthest i got is to a 2nd date with a girl), I normally dont let myslef fall for someone easily but it seems like whenever i finally do and start to like someone i get rejected (its like clockwork).

 

So couple the 6 years of rejection alongside the girl i really like leaving and you have me feeling pretty horrible at the moment. The thing is, im not bad looking. Im told that im good looking or cute by alot of people.

 

All my confidence is out the window. Tonight my brother in law was trying to help introduce me to girls, despite me telling him no because i was crapping myself inside. It was more a fear of feeling hurt and rejected again as opposed to fear of the girl. Ive never been scared like that before, and i felt so uncomfortable i ended up leaving early.

 

Ive decided to spend some time away from girls licking my wounds and getting over the girl from work. But what do i do about my confidence? its gone and doesnt come back easy?

 

Any ideas on m situation and how to get confidence back?

[cazmoore]

Well, why would you fall for a girl that wasn't available in the first place? It seemed safe for you probably to fall for someone and to be able to flirt with her, since you knew she had a boyfriend. I know that happens quite a lot.

 

What are you doing to go out there and meet other girls? My ex boyfriend was a virgin when I met him and he was 21 as well, but he had no self esteem, you could tell by the way he carried himself, he never put himself out there to meet girls and the only girl he has every kissed was one he dated in grade 11 and she basically left him for another guy because he wasn't 'quick' enough - and I totally know what she was talking about... girls don't want guys that are shy and quiet because they just come off as uninterested.

 

I'm sorry you're upset about this girl leaving, but did you really think she'd break up with her boyfriend and all that and fate really played a part in it? Fate has nothing to do with it. You can let the dynamics of the universe take care of things for you, YOU have to. And as far as getting confidence back - it's okay to allow yourself to grieve over the loss of this women who made you really happy, but I'd start getting out there and meeting different women.

[redherring]

 

 

Maybe you could try talking to someone to try and find out the root source of your confidence issues, and then work through them?