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I'm at a loss here..


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Hi Guys / Gals. I've just joined this site hence this is my first post. Really nice forum btw.


Sorry this is abit long - please bare with me. I met this wonderful female Colleague at work three weeks ago. We started to talk then started flirting via email which then turned into sexual teasing aimed at one another.


We then met up for coffee started to flirt again but this time a bit more intimate. As we talked she would blush with a big smile. One evening I make my move, she tells me however she doesn't want to jump in too quickly otherwise she would jump back out. I was taken aback a bit (I guess every guy would) but didn't make it obvious.


Anyway a couple of days later I follow up with an email stating what I would have wanted in the relationship at the same time genuinely thinking that she would want the same thing. After re-reading my email I must admit I inadvertently painted a picture of her being object (not good). I then followed up with another note sincerelly appologizing and stating it was not my intention to do so.


However in the meantime I found out she sent a email to one of her male friends to proof read intending it to be a response to my original email. This email completely blasted me to high heaven for even thinking to ask her out ! and that how I could even think such a thing. (huh ?). However I never got that email response.


Then here is where it gets really weird she responds to my appology saying it's ok and that i'm overeacting and that my email was not repulsive to her at all and that she really likes me and I'm wonderful guy...??? What in Gods name is that about ? Was she just after the attention ? I don't know.


Sorry for the long winded post - I'm just at a loss here...




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Hmmm. Confusing.


My initial thoughts are that she actually see's you as a friend and the type that you can have the innuendo-y type banter with and was a little shocked by your email and her response that you never recieved would have shown that...but having got your apology email and no doubt having time to sleep on it and have a clearer mind and realising it wasn't such a big deal ie the over reaction thing.


My take on it is that she either truly see's you as a friend and friend only OR that she is actually attracted to you but is scared to actually admit it?


Sorry, I have probably not helped in the slightest.


Either way, if she didn't want you as either a friend or maybe something more, you would definitely know about it!

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How did you find out she was thinking about sending an email that blasted you? Did the guy she had proofread it tell you? If so, are you sure he didn't just write it himself?


I've slowly learned to not send emails, facebook messages, etc. to a new person I'm interested in that discuss my feelings towards them or what I hope to get from them in terms of a relationship. I almost always regret it, and I can never really be sure if it gets interpreted the right way.


I think the best thing to do is see how things unfold in person, and only use email for less heavy things. In retrospect you might realize that her wishes to "not jump in" should have been taken as a sign that you should back off a little. The email (and the email apologizing for the email) probably didn't help your cause.


I wouldn't lose all hope, since you said things seemed to go well when you hung out. But in the meantime, I wouldn't put too much effort into trying to build a relationship with this girl.

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Alright, let's look at the timeline. In parenthesis are my hypotheses.


1) Flirting, teasing, everything is going well.


2) She mentions she doesn't want to move too quickly. (She was trying to signal that she isn't 'easy', or that she isn't looking for a purely sexual relationship)


3) You are taken aback (because you interpret her comment as indicating that she isn't very interested in you, an interpretation I believe was incorrect)


4) You write an email, unfortunately but unintentionally objectifying her. (That's not altogether very surprising. I find that alot of people, guys in particular, find it difficult to be flattering to a woman without objectifying her.)


5) She, infuriated, consults a male friend with a highly inflamed response. (He must be a pretty close friend, someone she can consult these personal affairs with.


6) The male 'friend' consults you. (Now, this is where it gets a bit amusing for me as an outsider. What possible motivations could HE have for consulting you? If he was just a friend, he would never tell you about that. He must be somewhat attracted to her. It may even be that he was advising her to be more angry in her response than she wanted to be!)


7) You write a take-back email. (That's REALLY big of you to do without prompting... hats off! I've learned to ignore offensive emails completely, you know the kind which say, "you're a such and such girl, so I'll accept you into this void in my life". I have never in my life received an apology!)


8) She responds that it's not a big deal. (She got your second email and immediately her anger melted away. Because you took it back! She thought she could tell you it wasn't a big deal, because she figures you don't know she was offended, probably because she trusts her male friend to keep his stupid mouth shut.)


The way I see it, you have no reason to be surprised at her response, or even to think that it wasn't sincere. People talk with their close friends about alot of things. It's just a way of clearing the air and working things out in their heads.


Think about how your colleagues would react if everything you ever confided in your friends about them was suddenly public information.. I don't know about you, but I would be highly embarrassed, and possibly fired. and I like my work! With relationships it's even more emotional.


I don't know if I'm right or not, and I've been wrong plenty of times, but I would advise you to go steady with a great girl, and to not cultivate a go-between friendship ever.

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Thanks for all for your replies.


As for how I found out she sent an email to be proofread, a very close female friend of mine (known her for over 6 years) told me. She works in the same department as the "male friend" and they talk. However no one really knows how close I am with my female friend. Now thinking about it, maybe she should not have told me, but I guess she was looking out for me.


PS: I just remembered the other day she came over to my desk as she was having computer troubles and wanted to show me what was happening. She came in close with her leg coming into contact with mine and she left there until I finished showing her what the issue may be. (I wasn't complaining).


Look I think it is best I take GeneralDiscords advice and play it steady and see how the situation unfolds I also like my Job and don't want this to get out of hand also.




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