HELP! XBF friendship might ruin my chances!!! Need advice.

[TrueHeart]

Basically, I am friends with my XBF (Earl) who doesn't know I am talking/hanging out/ possibly dating my XXBF (Adam)...I have told Adam that I am still friends with Earl , and he doesn't seem to mind as long as I'm honest with it. In my opinion I don't believe its anyone's business, but I don't want to lie to Adam since I'm trying to rekindle a relationship.

 

Fact is, I know that if Adam and I become exclusive and start dating officially again, I will have to end my friendship with Earl indefinitely. I do not want the temptation or complication that will come with it.. Earl wouldn't tolerate Adam in my life when he was my BF, and still doesn't even as only my friend. I do care about Earl , and like his friendship-- but he's not THAT good of a friend, to be honest-- and one reason I broke up with him was that I couldn't picture myself in his life long-term.

 

I do not want this to impose a problem on my potential relationship with Adam. Earl said he'd never speak to me again if he knew I was even associating with Adam-- but once again, I feel its not his business anymore what I do in my private life without him... I'm his friend... thats it, and he shouldn't dictate that.

 

My problem is that I really don't know how to deal with the issue that if Adam and I get together, I have no idea how to really break it to Earl ...to just tell him "Uhh, I have to stop seeing you --just because"--

 

Any suggestions?? How do I address this when it becomes an issue?! Thanks guys! This will be a tough call...

[ang3l2004]

Hello trueheart,

Wow your story was a bit complicating to read all this A and E stuff lol,Ok what I would do is if he is not such of a good friend anyway why worry about it you know who your true friends are and if he is not acting like a true friend then why care,Another thing is u answered your own question by saying you feel its noones business,I think that if you do want to keep him as a friend then they both need to accept that and if one or the other cant then what does that show,your exex bf is the one you are trying to rekindle things with so take things slow and see how things go,You need to do what you feel is right,Why wouldnt you be able to say hey look we are friends but I am getting into another relationship if he cant accept that its his problem not yours and the other guy if u really want to work things out with him then just talk to him and tell him how you feel dont be so fast about it because u never know what can happen good luck and pm me anytime !

[xxatti]

Earl said he'd never speak to me again if he knew I was even associating with Adam-- but once again, I feel its not his business anymore what I do in my private life without him... I'm his friend... thats it, and he shouldn't dictate that.

 

You just answered your own question. Just tell him the truth, that you and Adam are back together. How he chooses to handle the information is his problem. If he doesnt want your friendship anymore, then he was never really your friend to begin with.

[TrueHeart]

Thanks guys-- Its hard sometimes, but I think I will address it like this if I'm ever put in a position to have to confront it:

 

" I'm getting involved in a relationship, and I just wanted you to know that I'm not playing any games with you. I don't want this to complicate our friendship, so if you can't handle this, you need to tell me now. He knows your my friend, and my ex-- so theres no games there either. You're none of his business, and he is none of yours-- so I don't want you asking questions about anything that doesn't have to do with our friendship.."

 

Pretty much like that... and if he can't handle it... Then I guess I have my answer... and if he can.. I don't have to worry.. Thing is, he IS going to care-- so I know that part is inevitable.. But you guys are right, if he can't hack it, its his problem... I have a feeling that this will be happening soon-- so I hope you guys won't mind if I follow up with this...

 

(big swallow)-- oh boy...

[xxatti]

So I take it this means things are going well with "you and Adam"??